[dreambeliever128]

Sunday's are the hardest for me. I took my walk earlier and tears just ran down my eyes. I just kept thinking I hope no one comes out to talk to me. I've took this walk for years so everyone knows me.

Sunday's Bill and I always did things together. We both hated Sunday's for some reason so we always kept busy even if it was working in the yard.

I had to use my cane for the walk the hip pain is now radiating down my leg and into my foot. It's kind of like what Mark was saying in his post only mine is starting at the hip. I wanted to go see my Ortho and get and xray but my PCP wants me to wait until I have this implant put in. He said it would be too much for me to have two surgeries going at once.

I went off of my Methadone and am only using it when I'm at my worst with the pain. I am wearing a lidocaine patch on my hip all of the time. I have also quit the Flexirel. At first it seemed to help me sleep and then it did nothing for me. I just got so tired of popping pills that I made up my mind to go off of both and I have weined myself down to only when I am at my worst with the Methadone.

My RSD is pretty much in remission. If I could find out what is going on with this hip/pelvic pain, I would be doing good.

It's just a hard day for me with my memories of Bill.

Ada

[InHisHands]

Just wanted to give you a hug, hon...

I appreciate you here- you have given me some helpful suggestions and comments. Thank you, Ada.

[DiMarie]

Ada, I know Sundays for me too....
I will never get over that. I feel your pain and I cried the tears today.
It is affecting my work now. I try so hard, but its too hard....
I have a dishtowel today sitting with it crying.

I was taken off work a month to get myself back together...A life time will never heal the heartache.
I am blessed with my children, grandchild, a husband that never complains, well rarely....
But I am sending you a hug as we love each other and share our pain.

But sometime tonight I have to stop and get supper. Tomorrow is a new day, see what that brings.
Love you Ada, you are a special person,
Di

[allentgamer]

Awwwwww Ada!

My hip and leg has been unbearable! Can hardly walk anymore. I went to my nephews wedding, about 4 hours and wound up in bed for 5 days.

What I wanted to tell you, and should have posted it on marks post also, is that after you come off opiates, and especially methadone there is rebound pains.

You see the brain gets used to having an outside substance take care of our pain. After you stop using this substance the brain has to start making its natural pain reducers, and the receptors that accept those natural pain reducers used. All the receptors we had before meds atrophyed, and the brain grew receptors to match the pain meds. Now it must regrow the other ones back.

During this time there will be incredible rebound pains, RLS, depression, and other symptoms. The good news is that all the problems will subside, the bad news is it will take some time.

[dreambeliever128]

Thanks for the replies. I know DiMarie you are dealing with far worse then me losing a child. Yesterday was such a bad day and last night was just as bad.
I cried until 4 in the morning over Bill. It seems to be getting harder instead of easier for me.

I finally got my hip calmed down around 2 with a heating pad, lidoderm patch, and Methadone.

The depression has been horrendous to the point of suicidal thoughts again. I think I am just overwelmed with trying to make major decisions, thinking about this surgery and how I am even going to get there for my appt. Susan can't take me because it's at the time when the boys get out of school unless she makes some arrangments. Travis had to go out of town for a week so he can't watch them. Then I have to deal with getting there for the surgery and getting home. Scared too of what's next after the surgery.

Allen, I actually do pretty good with my Methadone. It wasn't doing anything for this hip pain. It always has helped the RSDS and TOS but it wasn't helping the hip pain at all.

As I said I am just overwelmed with decisions and still donot know what I am going to draw on SS from Bill. It's a mess.

I feel like at times I'm hanging on by a thread.

Ada

[dreambeliever128]

I have been trying to keep busy today to keep from crying so much. I am thinking that being on the flexeril made me even more depressed.

I kept the boys last night and Devin was talking about how much he missed Grandpa. He was telling me that on the way home from school yesterday Dustin told him he was going to call Grandma and Grandpa and see if they could spend the night. Devin had to remind him that it was just Grandma now. They are having as hard a time as I am with this.

I'm trying so hard to make some decisions and do some repairs around here but I look at something that needs doing and just walk off.

The good part. It is around 68 here today. So nice out. What a change.

Ada

[Curious]

ada...i just wanted to give you a bog ole soft hug Attachment 890

just enjoy the nice weather. spring is coming.

i know it is hard to see things that need to be done and not have the umph to to it. but taking care of yourself...giving yourself time to grieve and heal is more important.