[Elysium1973]

How do you guys cope with these issues? I'm 39, single, no children. I have an excellent family and am staying with my folks right now.
Thing is, I want to get married and have kids, just not sure how that will happen.
At this point I'm kind of shut in my house. I don't do much socializing. Going to the doctor is a big outing for me.
I guess my fear is that I'm not ever going to find someone who wants to be with someone damaged like me. Does that make sense? Like all I am is a disease and nothing else. Also, worried about "making babies" if you catch my drift...right now I can't imagine and it's early days...

[LIT LOVE]

Oh, I can relate... Dating is tough when you're a hermit. ;

Depending on how long you've had RSD, you may have difficulty getting and/or staying pregnant. If you're on heavy meds, that will also be a factor during pregnancy. Depending on the severity of your RSD, are you capable of taking care of a child? These were also issues I considered over the years.

My son is away at college and can't really remember how I was like before RSD. It wasn't easy for him, that's for sure.

My pain is fairly well managed IF I rarely go out and am very careful with my activity level. That just doesn't work with a child in your home. You just need to be realistic what you're capable of and what's in a child's best interest. I've considered being a foster parent for a teenager... You might consider even volunteering as a Big Sister.

[Vrae]

Originally Posted by Elysium1973

I guess my fear is that I'm not ever going to find someone who wants to be with someone damaged like me. Does that make sense? Like all I am is a disease and nothing else. Also, worried about "making babies" if you catch my drift...right now I can't imagine and it's early days...

Love conquers all, and is always possible.

I was 36 when Dx with RSD. I was in the midst of a divorce, and my mother had just passed away a couple of months earlier when I went in for a discectomy that went really bad. Woke up from surgery with RSD among other things that went wrong from that surgery. Oh, and I had just moved into a new home so just about everything was still in boxes. Didn’t really matter because I couldn’t see much of my new house anyway because I was stuck on the second floor where my bedroom is. My oldest child, my son, was 15 at that time, my eldest daughter 11, and my youngest daughter 2 years old. I was paralyzed from the waist down for about a week after surgery and then spent months learning to walk again.

When I was finally able to get around a bit more, my girlfriends offered to come over and help me get my house in order. As much as I appreciated their help, I was going crazy trying to be polite and gracious, and yet in my mind saying, oh no, don’t put that there.

So I called an old friend, a man friend who I had known for nearly ten years. We had been roommates many moons earlier, and he was definitely in the “friend zone”. I said “I need someone who I can point and they can click” trying to get pictures hung, etc. He showed up… in a big way. He kept coming by and helping me, and after a month or so, started to put the moves on me. I’m thinking A) are you crazy, we’re friends, and B) who in the heck would want me in the physical shape I’m in, and C) Did I mention I have three kids, one of which was still in diapers?? Needless to say, I caved. But I also said to him, I am emotionally and physically bankrupt, I’m not sure that I have anything to offer you right now.

We continued to see each other and eventually he and his two kids moved in. Our kids had grown up around each other, so this made for an easy blend of families. For five years this man ask me for his hand in marriage, and I refused. Oh I came up with lots of “good” reasons, but my final reason and total honesty with him was my saying, “I’m not sure you know what you’re signing up for”. He let me know right quick that he had done the homework and was very aware of how things with RSD could go. I guess I couldn’t believe that he wanted to be with me anyway. Really?! He waited me out. Period. He loved me as much as I loved him, and that was all that mattered.

It was tough with my little one and RSD. It was tough on her older siblings too as I would constantly ask for their help. It’s still not a walk in the park. We have five, yes five children between us. My youngest just turned 10 and my eldest is 23. I’m not able to do all the fun stuff with her that I was able to do with my older children. That is sad for me and hurts my heart, but I have a partner in this life, and he is amazing. He picks up the slack, for sure, for sure. And I would never trade what I have… love. Love from my kids, all of them, and my husband too.

I’m a very lucky gal, there’s no doubt. I think I was testing him for a long time to be sure he could really hang with all things RSD. Oh jeeze, and now we have menopause to look forward to together ) joy! LOL … oh, God bless him.

I have to admit that it makes me sad that my youngest daughter may never know a day that I wasn’t like this. But she is very in tune when I am having a tough day. Sometimes I thinks she “gets it” better than most. Perhaps this will be the child that will help me when I need it most as I age.

So yes, it is possible. All things are possible. And usually happen when you never even expect them to.

[painman2009]

Originally Posted by Vrae

Love conquers all, and is always possible.

I was 36 when Dx with RSD. I was in the midst of a divorce, and my mother had just passed away a couple of months earlier when I went in for a discectomy that went really bad. Woke up from surgery with RSD among other things that went wrong from that surgery. Oh, and I had just moved into a new home so just about everything was still in boxes. Didn’t really matter because I couldn’t see much of my new house anyway because I was stuck on the second floor where my bedroom is. My oldest child, my son, was 15 at that time, my eldest daughter 11, and my youngest daughter 2 years old. I was paralyzed from the waist down for about a week after surgery and then spent months learning to walk again.

When I was finally able to get around a bit more, my girlfriends offered to come over and help me get my house in order. As much as I appreciated their help, I was going crazy trying to be polite and gracious, and yet in my mind saying, oh no, don’t put that there.

So I called an old friend, a man friend who I had known for nearly ten years. We had been roommates many moons earlier, and he was definitely in the “friend zone”. I said “I need someone who I can point and they can click” trying to get pictures hung, etc. He showed up… in a big way. He kept coming by and helping me, and after a month or so, started to put the moves on me. I’m thinking A) are you crazy, we’re friends, and B) who in the heck would want me in the physical shape I’m in, and C) Did I mention I have three kids, one of which was still in diapers?? Needless to say, I caved. But I also said to him, I am emotionally and physically bankrupt, I’m not sure that I have anything to offer you right now.

We continued to see each other and eventually he and his two kids moved in. Our kids had grown up around each other, so this made for an easy blend of families. For five years this man ask me for his hand in marriage, and I refused. Oh I came up with lots of “good” reasons, but my final reason and total honesty with him was my saying, “I’m not sure you know what you’re signing up for”. He let me know right quick that he had done the homework and was very aware of how things with RSD could go. I guess I couldn’t believe that he wanted to be with me anyway. Really?! He waited me out. Period. He loved me as much as I loved him, and that was all that mattered.

It was tough with my little one and RSD. It was tough on her older siblings too as I would constantly ask for their help. It’s still not a walk in the park. We have five, yes five children between us. My youngest just turned 10 and my eldest is 23. I’m not able to do all the fun stuff with her that I was able to do with my older children. That is sad for me and hurts my heart, but I have a partner in this life, and he is amazing. He picks up the slack, for sure, for sure. And I would never trade what I have… love. Love from my kids, all of them, and my husband too.

I’m a very lucky gal, there’s no doubt. I think I was testing him for a long time to be sure he could really hang with all things RSD. Oh jeeze, and now we have menopause to look forward to together ) joy! LOL … oh, God bless him.

I have to admit that it makes me sad that my youngest daughter may never know a day that I wasn’t like this. But she is very in tune when I am having a tough day. Sometimes I thinks she “gets it” better than most. Perhaps this will be the child that will help me when I need it most as I age.

So yes, it is possible. All things are possible. And usually happen when you never even expect them to.

wow!!!! great love story.. that is awesome.

elysium. I am a father of four.. my youngest starts school in a couple of weeks.
I can tell you this. with children staying attached to the couch because you are having a bad day is not an option. you will always be on the run(its a good thing it helps you kinda forget some of the pain) but it is difficult none the less. I take all my meds at night when I know that my kids are all safe and In case of emergency there is some one who can drive. this leaves the day completely un treated to help deal with the pain. cleaning house shopping school things. and with four kids Im always having to go up to the school to drop off something they forgot.. that being said as far as birth.. if I was a female I would be affraid of spread plus no pain killers during pregnancy. it is alot to think about. as far as getting involved ..that is up to you. maybe an incentive to go out.. meet new people.. I know it is difficult to "not" be a hermit.. I SPENT THE LAST 5 DAYS ATTACHED TO MY COUCH. Im on it so much I think y skin tone is starting to match it. (lol) I think if I were single. I would be in serious trouble. but real relationships are rewarding and extremely needed. It is worth a certain amount of pain in my opinion... I wish you the best of luck and pray that you have the strength to cope with which ever you decide upon. warm hugs and again the best of wishes..

it really depeneds on you, how it affects you both physically and mentally. My two youngest grandaughters are to afraid to come and stay anymore, my eldest doesn'tlike be in the house alone with me, says she doesn't know what I am capable of anymore, my grandson is 22 months I have never picked him up or held him. He caused the spread to my legs when he first started to walk, kept coming to me with his hands out and treading on my toes.
Everytime I see him it hurts because I know I'll never teach him to swim,take him to disnayland or have special days out as I did with the others.
It is something you need to give a lot of serious thought to then think again

[LIT LOVE]

http://m.steadyhealth.com/rsd_and_pregnancy_t59323.html

[Vrae]

Originally Posted by LIT LOVE

http://m.steadyhealth.com/rsd_and_pregnancy_t59323.html

That's a really good link!

[Elysium1973]

Thanks so much, everyone, for your replies! You've all given me a lot to think about. I think it's all going to depend on when and if I meet someone. My on and off boyfriend of five years is 14 years older than I am and says he doesn't want any more children. This has been one reason were "off" more than on. The only thing I can say - in the plus column - is that he's a physician assistant (as am I), so he does understand RSD. He's seen it clinically several times. I am the first person I've seen with - but I'm an FP PA. Anyway, a lot to think about.

[Elysium1973]

Thanks so much, everyone, for your replies! You've all given me a lot to think about. I think it's all going to depend on when and if I meet someone. My on and off boyfriend of five years is 14 years older than I am and says he doesn't want any more children. This has been one reason were "off" more than on. The only thing I can say - in the plus column - is that he's a physician assistant (as am I), so he does understand RSD. He's seen it clinically several times. I am the first person I've seen with - but I'm an FP PA. Anyway, a lot to think about. Tiffany

[Elysium1973]

Oh and my CRPS was also secondary to an L5-S1 microdiscectomy. my recovery from that was also a struggle. I just hope it stays confined to where it is and doesn't spread.