yep that is what i meant.. Sometimes I can go weeks in a level 8 pain, but days like today happen and it feels like I cant recover.
I try and try to keep what i feel hidden, so others can continue on with their lives as normal as possible(ie My family)
Last night my oldest son started to cry and when he was able to voice the reason behind it, it took alot of will power to not bust out myself
he shared that he is upset that he nolonger has a father to play sports with, just tossing a ball back and forth, and country walks where I would teach him about the wild life and nature surrounding us, (including stories). He made mention of a boy scout father son bowling game he had . where my wife had to take him.or the multiple trips they have gone on like disney and hershey park where I had to stay home. or parties I do not go to. or the many trips to the beach I can no longer attend. He misses sitting on the beach with me,where I would bring out shovels and start digging trenches, and pools and encourage other children on the beach to help. he remembered the last time I was on the beach I had about a quarter mile of children digging long trenches, when we left the beach we left multiple pools and castles and moats etc.
I had no answer for him, what do i tell him.then today My pain level raised to 10!!!all day, even now and I was completely useless . Still no answers for them. Im still looking for the answers for myself, Im supposed to be "DAD" THE GO TO MAN, the protector, the answer man. instead im just .... hmm I dont know what I am, I just hurt, And I have no answers to anything anymore.
I have noticed lately that the higher my pain the harder it is to stay in the game at all. I spent most of today in my rocker, just sitting there and trying to pull it together. ... Im pulling at hairs now looking for the strength to go on. though I know tomorrow will come despite me and RSD.