I am having such a hard time of late.

I haven't quite decided what I am going to do. My depression seems to me it's even worse then before.

This move is doing me in. I am still not done. Susan and Travis are trying to help me but it's just too much. I still have things at the old house, I still have things to haul off from the yardsale. I took one load Monday and still have one more to go.

My truck has a flat on it. The kids are coming to get it today to have another tire put on it but my truck is giving me problems so I am trying to decide wheather to trade it off or have it fixed. It is paid for. It's an older one but before Bill passed we put new tires on it and did over 800. worth of work to it. I believe the carburator is messing up on it.

Don't buy tires from Big O by the way. Their tires last about a year or less. We had one that seaped air and when Bill went back about it they took our new tire and gave him one that doesn't even match ours. We had only had them about 9 months. Susan and Travis's tires from there only lasted 6 months. When they went to get new ones again the other place knew exactly where they got them. They said they get all of their old customers because of their tires not lasting. I was on the phone with the manager yesterday and he refuses to do anything for me. Tires should last at least a year or more.

I still haven't gotten my disability straightened up. I'm afraid they will overpay me and I will have to pay them back. How often does that one happen?

I don't even want to leave the house anymore, answer the phone or deal with anyone.

I am dealing with the left chest pain again and I will be getting in to see the cardiologist but not until June. I can get one sooner but I wanted to see this particular Dr. Bill and I have seen the other 5 in that office. They sure didn't do anything for him.

Missing him has overwhelmed me lately also. I just keep asking myself what do I do next? I'm already tired of dealing with the problems that he always delt with.

With the RSD and other problems it makes it too hard to deal with anything without stressing out.

As far as the VNS, I went in Monday and the machine hadn't gotten to my Drs. office to turn it on but I was ok with that I am still trying to get use to the funny feeling in my throat, the tingling. I think being stressed yesterday made me notice it even more.

I'm not sure but what I'm not going to go off of here for awhile and try to get my head and life straightened up. I have not gotten to sat down for over a month to just relax without thinking about what I have to do next.

Susan is worn out also. Travis is trying so hard to take the burden off of both of us with all of this but him being the boss where he works, makes it hard, he has no one there that he can teach to take his place to leave there. He's tried two or three times and about time they start learning they quit. It is a very strenious job and now he travels also.

I'm not sure when I will be back on, I just need to try and pull some things together and get my life back in some kind of order.

Thanks for all you guys do for me.

Ada