[KathyUK]

Hi everyone

I've had an excessively stressful few weeks and although I will be seeing the physio from the pain service in the next couple of weeks I could use your advice on how to beat the resulting flare.

My sister and her eldest daughter had not been getting on for a while and so often at the drop of a hat I would have a very tearful teenage girl staying here and all the drama from their fallouts, including a bit of abuse for being involved which has now been sorted but had a huge effect on my stress levels. The daughter was wanting help to move out and her mum was understandably fuming and scared at the same time which didn't help calm things. They are sorted for the time being and I have my peace back but the result has been a nasty flare.

I've also got more stress to come as my middle son is being assessed for ASD and is depressed at the moment which we are all worried about as he had a breakdown last year. It's nowhere near at that stage but still preying on our minds.

Yesterday I found walking very difficult due to burning and numbness in my bum and legs to a greater degree than normal but tried to push through it for a walk round Ikea (oh the excitement of looking for a new bed lol!). I must've looked mad holding my handbag out from my body as I couldn't have it swaying against the numbness. Last night the back pain hit a 9 and the cold washes and numbness along with the deep ache and burning meant I did not sleep at all. Today if I stand I "lose" my feet and hands entirely. It's not spasms so diazepam won't work and my topup buprenorphine does nothing nowadays so I had to just ride it out. At about 5am I nearly nodded off but the sleep paralysis hit and so did a noisy cat outside the house and so I gave up. The major downside is that no sleep means no break from the pain which raises stress levels even higher.

I am not out of bed yet as my hubby told me to try and get some sleep and is on his way home to help me strap on the TENS and do our stock response of that short walk to the park to feed the swans, distraction that sometimes helps.

I am however dwelling on whether it will be the same tonight and dreading it. It's like through the day I can cope better especially if I have even slept a little. Also worried about whether Dan's assessments this week will make things even worse (on top of the more pressing worry about his happiness). I haven't found any good relaxation methods for me yet as a lot of the nature sound type things actually make me more tense as they can be a bit much . Has anyone got any ideas? I was thinking of asking Baz for a massage becayse the GP told me I should be paying for them regularly but am worried I may get snappy if it hurts lol. He's trying so hard and he's had the same stresses to cope with too.

I am just hoping we can get through to the weekend. Baz and I are going to be borrowing my mum and dad's place while they are on holiday and it's a gorgeous little one level cottage in the Northumberland countryside. The coach journey will be hell but the 21st is our anniversary and this is the nearest we will get to a holiday for the first time in ten years lol. I want to be well enough to get there xxx