My mom died Sunday and that is just the icing on the cake. It's a triple layer stress cake. Health concerns like everyone here are the first layer, and it would almost be easy if it was just RSD and not the laundry list that follows. Of course what ticks me off the most about the RSD, is that before it, I was hypothyroid and that had burned itself out, so that my medication and symptoms were stable. I won't go into detail about what's wrong now besides RSD because we all have a list. It SUCKS to have a list. Maybe I should be grateful because there are things I will never be able to add to my list, like erectile dysfunction and prostate cancer. So that's a good thing? Right?

Next layer is The damned government. I know we are one of many, many, many families that have been in a bad place these last several weeks. I say several, because there is that period where the threats hit the media and you start to fashion a band aid for your household budget and bill. You only buy one bag of coffee beans, even though they are $2.00 a pound cheaper this week, which means that when they are regular price again, you will have to pay it, because you couldn't risk spending cash on 3-4 bags of beans like you usually do when they are on sale. Then factor that out to everything else that involves money, in your lives. This went on so long that we actually refinanced one of our vehicles to lessen the note, Because our regular bank was offering two months forgiveness with no late fees or fines. The bank that holds my husbands loan was offering nothing, so we refinanced. We did so for two reasons... 1, if this continues, it would would make a huge difference to not have a car note for two months. 2, it's become apparent that this will continue happening 2 or more times a year. We need to be ready for the next furlough or sequester. Twice this year, my husband has been furloughed. The first time his hours cut, this time he worked but did not get paid. I know they put a band aid on it tonight, but having to make all the arrangements to go to my mother's funeral was bad enough without the financial fears and without being forced to put all expenses on a credit card. Now I leave tomorrow and my husband can not come with me because still, until they get official word, he can not take sick leave or annual leave...etc. so I am flying alone which I've done before but it's exhausting and the only flight I could get into New Orleans that was under $1000 and would put me in town for the funeral, arrives TH at 11 PM, the funeral and burial start at 9:30 in the AM and then I leave NO the next morning at 8 AM. I usually need about two weeks after travel before my days normalize, this trip alone without the emotional aspects will be hell to pull off.

But hey, Congress signed off on the band aid, so I shouldn't have to stress over that... Except that the next shutdown and debt ceiling party is already scheduled, so now we need to buckle down and not spend, so that we have more cash on hand to survive the next one. I will literally have 10-12 hours of awake time to get through a visitation, funeral mass and then a burial and actually see my brothers and sisters and family friends. I've not yet been to my fathers grave because of a similar timing issue when he died a few years ago. Just thinking about going to his grave is more than I can bare right now. I am a hugely emotional person, not dramatic at all, but I feel other people's pain and joy and my own is intense. I hate that my illness is so heavily affected by intense emotion and it is scaring me because I know I will have so much physical pain to deal with getting through this and for a while after I get back home. I already had to cancel a neurological appointment scheduled for tomorrow, that I've been waiting months to get in to. Then I have lab work and two other doctor appointments next week, that I have to get through, right after I get home.

I need to try to get through the next 3 days with little emotion as possible. I know I shouldn't allow myself to dread what might happen, with the travel and during the day Friday but I can't help it. I can't even think to pack and I wish I didn't have to cancel that appointment, that is bothering me a lot that I had to do that but it's probably not OK to say that or anything to anyone in my family about how difficult the physical aspects of this trip will be, are or were. The grief I feel now is nothing to what I know I will feel when I get there. How could it be.

Oh Syl. I'm so sorry. Losing your mother is a terrible terrible thing. I'm lucky that mine is still around, but my friend lost her mum several years ago, and she said there is no emotional pain that comes close. She went through a very dark time afterwards for a while but, as she said, you have no choice but to plod on, and the days did get brighter again.

The problem is that life itself has no sympathy for what we are already going through - it just keeps going, throwing challenges and catastrophes and turmoil at us....and the world expects us to deal with it as though we were just dealing with the same kind of life as anyone else. You can't hold a sign up saying 'bear with me, I've got a load of other crap going on as well as this, please just lay off' Financial stuff is awful to deal with simply because it is so soulless, but can strip you of all confidence, take your sleep, and wreck all your plans. We've had to change all our plans since the CRPS, and goodness knows how things will pan out long-term. Those without money worries have no idea how lucky they are - money cant buy happiness, but it can remove so much worry and stress. I will hope that your situation gets a bit better soon, and you can get some help with that side of life. You deserve a break.

However horrible this time, however hopeless and bleak things seem, remember how strong you are, how strong you have been, and that those reserves of strength are bottomless, even if you step off sanity for a short time and shut out the world. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this time and the better days will return. As my grandma used to say, the sun always comes out again. Hang on through this time, and remember that we are thinking of you and wishing that we could give you that iHug for real and say it'll be ok.

I'm so sorry that you have all that travel on top of everything else, it's cruel that there isn't any solution to that, just do what you can to minimise the pain, and don't feel like you have to pretend nothing is wrong.

I'll be thinking of you. Take care of yourself through this time.

Bram

I'm so sorry about your mom. My heart goes out to you and your family. I still have my mom, but I lost my dad a few years ago and still miss him so much. It comforts me to think that he is still with me. I know it may sound crazy, but I feel his presence with me all the time. I feel that he's always looking out for me, just like he did when he was here on earth. Anyway, they say time heals all wounds, but I have to say that's not the case for me. I still feel the pain of loss, but I have learned to go on with my life with the hope that I will see my loved ones again sometime. That thought helps me to go on. I hope it's true. In the meantime, try to take things one moment at a time. Accept the waves of sadness as they will become less frequent with time. I believe your mom is still with you watching over you every day and I hope someday we will all be together again in a better place. (With no more pain or sorrow.) In the meantime, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

praying for you

Oh Sylvia I'm so sorry about your Mom! That is too much pain to pile on at once! There is no easy way through this. Try to just deal with whatever is most pressing at the moment because the weight of all of it all together is just too much.
I lost both my parents many years ago when I was young and a single Mom at that time. I did not have RSD/CRPS back then so I can't imagine that on top of it all.
This whole Gov't. thing is such a mess, I'm sorry you're caught in it too.
Please know we're all thinking of you and if I could bear some of the burden for you I would.

I'm so, so sorry to hear of your very great loss, on top of everything else you have to deal with. It really does suck to have a list and the loss of your mom, after losing your dad a few years ago - I can't even imagine that type of pain. I'm so, so sorry to hear that. Just try to take it moment by moment and get as much help as you can, like just use those wheelchairs that the airlines provide!

I add my gentle iHugs and prayers

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with financial worries on top of your pain issue and health issues. Carrying those burdens while trying to deal with the loss of your mom must feel overwhelming.

I hope the traveling won't make things too much worse. I'm praying for you and your family as you get through your mother's funeral and try to deal with your grief.