Overwhelmed would be an understatement. I am trying to wrap up my business and failing miserably. I have five children, three of which are still at home (1 College, 1 High School, 1 Middle School), and one grandchild. My husband works full time and goes college full time. I have a house, yard, and three dogs.

I tell you this to paint a small picture of my life. This disease is taking me over and yet I get up every day at 6:30 a.m. and try to push myself. I get up in the morning make four lunches, and kiss everyone as they head out for their day. I sit down at my desk and I am consumed with accounting duties, or doctor appointments, etc., and can’t seem to get to this last edit (I’m a video producer, or I was) out the door. Everyday about the time I am ready to work on it, I have to go take a nap. I am forced to rest, to let my legs and arms rest. I wake up and from shear will make my legs and ankles work. Go grab kids from school, then the drill of homework, dinner, etc.

I just want to cry; that I may miss yet another deadline with this project. I desperately want to finish and delivery it. I want the weight of the project off of me. I’m almost just plain mad about it. I can’t keep up. That’s really the bottom line. I used to work crazy amounts of hours a week. When I say crazy, I’m not exaggerating at all. I have come to terms, or at least somewhat, that I have had to cut WAY back on what can be accomplished in a day, but this does nothing to satisfy this project I’m working on.

To further complicate things, I am mad as hell that I can’t even do simple things like shopping without being crippled when it’s over. I am missing friendships that I can no longer maintain properly. It’s a lonely place to be in. I try not to dwell on this, but it bothers me greatly. Lord knows I try and try to just accept that this is what it is. Why are some days more overwhelming than others?

I don’t mean to be such a downer… but God this sucks!! Slowly losing my abilities and still trying to come to terms with it. Still I wake up every day and keep pushing. Once again I needed to vent.