I really don't know if I should be working. I'm in pain 24/7 (like everybody here), I get home at the end of each day and usually have a period of time where I have to deal with just the pain. I can't get anything done, like make dinner.

This weekend was nice in that I didn't have anything out of the house I had to do, sort of. I did go out and get groceries and my DD's costume (and a huge discussion that Leia does NOT use a light saber in ep. 4). I actually cleaned the kitchen (mostly) and got dinner made both nights. Eating good food really helps me, but it's so hard to do most days.

I'm sure I could go out on disability, that would cover me for a year. I'm trying to wrap up my lawsuit (from the trauma that caused all of this) and there are snags, which is going to cause both a delay and not getting as much as I want. This extra money will allow me a cushion, but not a huge one. My DH is mostly a stay at home dad. He needs to work FT to support the family. This is hard for him to do, and we've been discussing a plan for him to work for himself, and setting up that time period that will cover us if his business is iffy. I really want to move closer to my brother so I have more support. So we're planning on starting said business near him so it's couldn't be put in place until we get there.

I don't want to do any movement of pieces until my settlement comes in, and now I"m not sure when that'll happen (it could be settled this week or I could have to go to trial).

But every day is a struggle. Every. single. day. And as you all know, this cr*p isn't getting any better on it's own.

I know it's good for me to get my butt up and go to work, be productive, etc, but I have no home life at all. I have a WONDERFUL job and the best bosses. If I leave I need to really leave, not take a few months and string them along.

Part of me wonders if I just need more meds. But I think my anti-seizure is part of what's making me so fatigued. If I take more that IMO won't help. If I take opiates my work wouldn't want me working.

I've been thinking about this for months. I am way too much of a planner, and all of this is making it impossible to plan. I can't do anything big at all until I get my settlement. It's driving me crazy.