I feel kind of weird lately, an emotional roller coaster. Unfortunately DH plays a big part in this. My period also started two weeks early. It's been off since I started the Oxcarbazepine.

The 24th DH went to the hot springs. Fine, DD and I will spend the day together. The sun was shining and I think it hit 70 degrees. I went outside and harvested all of the green bean seeds from the dead plants, pulled out some dead stuff from the garden. I had to be careful, and stopped and sat often, but got a lot done. The sun and movement was really good for me.

I got a letter from the insurance company that they have approved my pain pump! Awesome.

Made cookies. DD helped a little. They came out perfect.

DH then didn't come home. He had a 24 hr pass so I figured he'd stay the night, fine. Well, woke up the morning of the 25th with a text saying he would be late, be there late aftn. That's not okay because I told him I wanted to spend the day with him. We don't celebrate Christmas (we do Yule on the 21st), but I saw everybody saying stuff on FB about all the stuff they were doing and it kind of got me down.

I spent all day in a funk. DD wouldn't do a darn thing I asked her to. DH didn't come home until after I went to sleep. He was super late and all I could think of is that he got eaten by a mountain lion or got killed by a hippie at the hot springs. I know, crazy, but when he doesn't communicate with me my mind wanders. Where he was out is out of range of phones.

At some point I broke down crying. I made lunch that DD wouldn't eat. I made more cookies that didn't turn out right. I thought about calling somebody but I didn't want to bring down their Christmas.

This morning I'm at work. I feel horrible, emotionally. I woke up this morning and told DH I felt like punching him (which I'd never do). He read all the text messages I sent him the night before and was upset with me. Cause that's how it always is, he doesn't communicate, I get mad and then it's all my fault somehow. No huge fight or anything, but the depression from yesterday is still here. The fact he can't do a damn thing for me around the holidays is still here.

The huge bright spot here is that I'm getting a pain pump. Hopefully once that goes in I'll be able to move around more and feel a little more normal.

We're going to go to Vegas on MLK weekend. My brother is taking DD to see a Harlem Globetrotters game, so he's going to take her for the weekend and give us some time for us. It always helps a ton to give us time alone. We obviously really, really, really need it.

Chaos, I'm glad you got insurance approval for your pain pump. I hope it helps. I'm sorry you're feeling so down though. I understand that feeling too and my family also seems to "disappear" sometimes when I need help. It's very frustrating. I hope it helps a little to know you're not alone. I will pray that your day gets better. Take care and be good to yourself. You deserve it.

Chaos, I'm sorry you're struggling with the 'one step forwards, two steps back' rollercoaster... Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Bram.

More like one step forward, 5 steps back. I messed up at work yesterday. Cost the company only $600, made money for the client but still have to explain it to him and made my boss mad. Boss sent an email about it two weeks ago and I forgot. Gee, why in the word would I possibly forget? I have a brain of steel....right.

I had to leave for work today and there were two cats all snuggled on my bed, DD and her friend snuggled in her bed. I just wanted to sleep.

Chaos, everyone makes mistakes. And when you have rsd it affects not only your body but your mind (including your memory). So don't beat yourself up about it. Your boss will get over it, and I'm sure the company will still go on. I've seen people cost companies more with their mistakes at work without having rsd to contend with. The most important thing is to take care of yourself. Remember you and your health come first. Try to get some rest today when you get home try to take some time for you and snuggle with your furry babies. Take care.

No, this was a biggie. It wasn't about money so much about the action. Boss is quite upset.