dana..i have been going thru so much pain and depression from the pain and then more things keep creeping in to complicate matters..i am only still here due to the fact that others seem to need me even though i can't help them as much as i have in the past--i am running out of "spoons"as i sit here..my rsd has now spread from my left arm to my left leg and foot--and is trying to take over my right foot too..add that to the fibromyalgia,sleep apnea--anxiety and depression issues leading to having 5 mini-strokes and all the meds...i am in a downward spin and going down deeper...going to see a therapist and venting here are my only wasys of dealing with all the losses of my life. sorry to hear that you are feeling the same.. wish i could give any advise to help you to hold on---but --i am losing my grasp...feel like i am fighting a losing battle..what am i still fighting for?? oh forgive me ..i am just so tired of it all... i do hope that things go better for you than they have for me..the last 14 yrs of my life have been a struggle..and i would not wish my life on anybody--i will be praying for you to find the strength that i can no longer find---have a peaceful night---

and artist--thank you so much for retreving the "spoon" theory..it does help to explain our problems to others-- peace---moonstar

Moon star.. sending you much needed gentle hugs Love and thoughts and prayers going out to you Dear one! Love, Desi

thanks desi---think i need all the gentle hugs one can get these days--they can't cure but boy they sure do help me get thru the next few minutes--moonstar

Hi Moonstar

I hope you are doing better today. You mentioned 14 years, is that how long you have had crps, or some other health issue? I am in my 14th year also. It seems the longer you have it, the harder it is (or maybe the less strength we have?) to recover from the latest horrible pain attack. Or maybe we are just running out of spoons, as you said. (THAT was one of the best stories I have ever read. I shared it with Michael, and he agreed.)

I go through the same thoughts you do, I have vented them in here, too, lol. It is so wonderful to have this safe haven to run to when we are at our lowest. What's even better, imo, is coming here and seeing that someone else needs YOU. Normally, it's hard to feel like a useful, contributing member of the family. But in here, there are others suffering just as bad as we are, if not worse. They, too, feel like giving up sometimes.

So we sit in here and type, explaining to our crps pals why they should keep on keepin on, lol. And as we do, we realize the same things apply in our own lives. Yes, we might want to give up... but how do our families feel about it? Our friends? Don't they deserve, for all their love, help and kindnessess in our times of need, for us to try and hang on just a little bit longer?

Every time I reach rock bottom, I end up thinking of my son Drew. He's been married a year now, and I sense grandbabies on the horizon! I was a great Mom, lol... and I'll be an even better Grandma Drew and Kati need me here, to help them and answer their parenting questions.

Moonstar, there are too many people here on earth that aren't done learning from you yet.

Here are a few softies I hope you find peace and wellbeing within.

I think you all are so awesome!

This is one of the best things about the internet - being able to meet and help and share info to "friends" that we many never meet in real life!

Blessings and bright hopes for all of you!

Dana,

I'm working on a reply that I think offers you some real hope. It's also real long and not quite finished. It will be finished today and I think it will be worth hanging in there a little longer in order to read it...Vic

As every day goes by I feel my grasp weakening a little bit more and more. No one but all of my friends here seem to understand, I thank you all for that. My family and work are really pushing me further down every day. Some of my close friends are starting to understand more and more everyday. Thank you artist for reposting the Spoon Theroy. It has helped a couple of my friends understand a little more. One of them actually broke down crying when I read it to her. I am so tired of having to ask my mom and everyone s=else for help. I used to be so independent and now I have to depend on so many people. I want my life back, I want all of you to have your lives back as well! I now have a surgery date for the scs trial. It is on June 15th. One thing I do have to look forward to is this relationship that seems to blossom and grow more and more everytime I hang out with her. She is really caring and loving. Afeew of my friends including her and I were planning to take a trip to the guadalupe river and I was going to try and tube with them.(that will take lots of extra spoons by the way.) Well last night they cancelled the trip because of my surgery date and are going to try and move it out a little more. But it is just amazing that she wants to go with me when I have the trial surgery. I didnt know that people like this existed anymore. But then I come home and just get blasted for trying to rest, they dont understand what I am going thru, come on Dana go do this and that, and then we will go do this and that. Yes it will be fun but I dont have the enerhy for everything, I am running out of spoons fast. Ialways manage to screew things up. I just dont want to do it aymore. I am tired of messing up everyones lives. I am just going to stop it all. I dont have anymorespoons to use right now. I am done stick a fork in me. I will just do everything myself, even f it put s me in the hospital. I am not asking for, or accepting anyones help anymore.

Thank yopu all for beign here with me and trying to support me! I hope you all have blessed and wonderful memorial day!

dana,
if i could i would send you all of my spoons...


abbie

Dana,
It's really frustrating when you can't do the things that you used to be able to. It's tough not being independent anymore. But, it sounds like you have someone who really "cares". This person could be one of those people who really enjoys helping others. Maybe she doesn't feel like you are, as you say, screwing things up.
As far as the people that push you, sometimes you just need to shrug them off. Some people never seem to understand, but you do the best you can in educating them (sounds like you tried with the spoon story) then try your hardest not to let them bother you. Don't let them get to you.
Take care of yourself. Have a really nice, holiday & I hope you feel better.
Linmarie

dana---don't have many left but i'll send you a spoon to try to help you make it thru one more fun thing to do for yourself-- to give a spoon to help a friend ,i believe,adds more spoons to the donor..havea peaceful,restful night.. one more down--a sliver of hope for tomorrow--moonstar