Something has been bothering me as of late that I feel I need to share with you all or burst from letting it boil inside of me.

Here goes. About 2 weeks ago I went to my local grocery store to get a few items. I was having a particularly bad walking day so I was using my walker rather than my cain. As I was moving down a aisle there was a young girl with her mother. She looks at me with major curiosity. Staring was more like it. Finally she looks at her Mom and in a whisper that I could easily hear, asks her what was wrong with me. Her mother's ignorant response was "I don't know dear, but stay away from him".

Being the shy quiet type that you all have grown to know, I simply could not let that one go. I looked at the mother and said "yes, by all means, keep her away from me or she just might learn something interesting today". The mother looked at me in disgust, called me a weirdo, grabbed her daughters arm and off they went.

Come on. Are we as humans still so ignorant in this day and age with all of the information that is available to us feel that we still need to treat our brotheron with such disrespect and disgust? I have to say I was appalled at this women's response to her daughters question. Now her daughter will grow up to be just as ignorant as her mother and so on and so on.

Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I just expect people to be a little more educated in this day and age about how to approach situations they do not completely understand. Rather than makes Jackasses of themselves, I would expect them to be just a little more considerate. But than I might be asking for too much.

Sorry this is so long, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I feel much better now. Thank you.

Chin Up Mark xoxo

Boy that had to hurt. People can be so mean. Try not to dwell on it. You can count on the fact that she is close minded and probably has few friends.

When my arms were really bad due to the RSI - I was wearing my arm /wrist wraps, or my DeQuervains thumb wrap, or my Cubital tunnel elbow compression straps- cripes what abunch of contraptions ! now that I add them up .

I would just say something like "I have arm problems" or later as it spred "I have arm & shoulder problems".

Of course it isn't the same thing and most people didn't stare much - at least I didn't notice .


What are some good and simple things to say in those times?
Maybe a " I have a chronic pain condition, called RSD"

Wicked, I don't blame you in the slightest for being upset. I totally agree with you... in this day and age, people ought to be more compassionate and less ignorant. But if wishes were fishes, the whole world would be fed.

My rsd is mainly in my legs, so I have no obvious problem for peeps to stare at or ask questions about. Sometimes I wish it WERE more apparent, simply because I look so wrecked from 14 years of pain... most peeps think it's drugs when they first look at me. I am 5' and 90 lbs, so I look like a "tweaker" I've been told. Peachy, huh?

But the memory that your story dredged up for me had nothing to do with my rsd... it happened about 24 years ago. I took my colicky baby to the Navy clinic, which was always a horror story in and of itself, lol. After an hour or so in the waiting room, a woman walked in with her Down's Syndrome son, approx. 10 years old.

This poor kid wanted nothing more than to have a bit of fun with the other kids... just like every other kid in there. But to my horror, I saw each mother take their child by the hand and lead them away! It didn't take but 5 minutes for that poor kid to be sitting alone in the middle of the play area, I was disgusted, as well as heartbroken. Just exactly HOW ignorant are folks, if they think Down's Syndrome is contagious?!?

Chris was getting really fussy, and it peaked the kids interest. He obviously wanted to come over and see what was up, but knew from experience that his company wasn't welcome. He was soooo wrong, at least for once in his life.

I called him over, introduced him to Chris, and explained why the baby was so fussy. I told him that it would help a LOT if he could just make baby noises at him, or weird faces, whatever he could think of to distract Chris from his pain. The kid was overjoyed at having someone respect him, and actually ask/need his help. When I looked over to his Mom, I was shocked to see her in tears.

Turned out that it was the VERY first time anyone had done anything even close to that. She was overcome, plain and simple. It broke my heart.

It took two more hours before our names were finally called, but for once I wished it had taken longer. I was more than willing to sit there all day, just to give that poor kid one day's joy.

I tried to get the mother's phone #, but she was a foreign wife, poor lady. One of those Phillipino women that men from the U.S. go get when they are too screwed up to make any American women want them. I watched it happening for too many years. I totally understood why she had to stay to herself, but felt deep pity for both her and her son... mainly the son.

I have thought about that kid on and off ever since... wondering how he turned out, if he had any FUN in his life as a child. I did all I could, though... the rest was up to his parents.

Hi Mark,,
I am real sorry that you had to go through this. When my sons were young, they were always taught to respect, not stare, hold open doors and politely ask handicapped, folks with casts, walkers, wheel chairs, etc. if they could be of assistance to them. It is not your fault(ya already know this, I'm sure) It is the parents that teach children their "Own hang-ups".. like your siggy says, "Chin Up". Sure, it's gonna hurt, sure you feel like ya want to throttle someone.. But, ya know what, Mark.. their loosers, you my friend are a winner. God bless you. Love, Desi > here's a hug, Mark

Hmmm. Speaking as a poor foreigner, I'd just like to point out that virtually everyone in the Philippines is raised speaking, reading and writing English.
all the best.

I am sorry... I knew that was coming out wrong, and couldn't figure out how to fix it.

What I said meant no disrespect to the "foreign women"... if anything, I was poking at the men. I always had a hard time with guys like that, I knew too many of them.

As far as I was concerned, they were taking advantage of women who desperately wanted to improve their quality of life... and the lives of the families they leave behind.These men, for the most part, were the type who needed utter control to feel whole. They couldn't bully most American women, they had to go find someone who needed a way to fix their lives, and would tolerate just about anything to do so. There was something missing in them... NOT the women. The women deserved the friendship and support of the other Navy wives, they needed it badly. But these men were very good at keeping their wives housebound and utterly dependent upon them.

What I meant was that the woman I was writing about was afraid to make outside friends with anyone.. it would have caused havoc at home.

I deeply regret phrasing that the way I did... but I truly meant no disrespect. Forgive me, please?

mark,

i guess we will always have a hateful, ignorant minority of people like that....i know people say that "it takes all kinds" but i don't think that's true...we just HAVE all kinds......she's a sow, since she's obviously raising her child to be a pig!

may her worst enemy win the lottery!

liz

Okay then ! I was just thinking, you know, we're an international forum...I realise we're US-based, but we have worldwide readership. We have many people from the Philippines here in HK, and by coincidence my next-door neighbour is from Manila, she's a professor of Eng. Lit at Hong Kong U. But I realize navy life is different.
all the best!

Hey Mark,

Some ideas for you for when (I won't say if) it happens again:

Make disgusting faces until they look away. If called on your rudeness, apologise and explain that your doctor has prescribed these therapeutic face exercises, and offer to demonstrate.

Attempt to engage them in friendly, normal conversation about the weather. If this doesn't work, start to drool mid-sentence.

Say "Keep staring. I might do a trick."

(Especially after the above.) Fake a seizure, sudden pain, or death rattle, followed by yelling "Ha! Fooled you!"

Ask them if they can spare some change.

all the best