when i was diagnosed with rsd i went through the typical stages of grief that someone goes through when a loss occurs. my loss was the life i had before rsd. the life i loved. the life i miss so much. the life i fear i will never have again. but in that loss i also gained a new life. a life filled with perseverance, strength, determination and hope. but as said before i had to go through the grieving process in order to get to that new life. i wanted to share with all of you afflicted with rsd how i got to that new life of hope in hopes that you will also make it there too through your journey with rsd.

grieving stage one: denial, numbness, shock. - was when i was told by my drs that had this thing called rsd. i had no idea what it meant or what it would do to my body and mind but i knew it wasn't good and i was scared. but i thought that as with all my other illnesses i would go to my good old gp and he would give m a pill and i would get better. as i went through pills and nerveblocks and pain that i never felt before in my life, i started to realize that this wasn't going to be as easy to get over as i thought. then i was told there was no cure. that's when i went into the next stage of grief; bargaining.

grieving stage two: bargaining: once i stared to realize how serious rsd was i started going over in my mind how if i only did things differently maybe i wouldn't have gotten rsd. if i had only stayed inside on that icy winter night instead of going out and slipping on the ice and breaking my wrist in multiple places. that's when my rsd began and the life as i once knew was gone. but as time went on i started to realize that it wasn't my fault that i got rsd. it was a simple accident that could happen to anyone. who would have thought a broken bone could cause such damage? i stopped blaming myself but still knowing that i still had rsd brought me into grieving stage three: depression.

grieving stage three: depression - as my rsd pain started to get worse and i need more meds, more nerveblocks and more pt, i started going into a deep depression. i didn't want to go out and see anyone. my hand and wrist were so swollen and purple shiny and hairy and the pain was excruciating. i was embarrassed to be seen with this injury and tired so quickly that i just didn't have the stamina to do the things i used to do, like go out with friends, eat out with my family, go to parties, get togethers, and even drive. i lost my freedom and my sense of worth and put on alot of weight from my meds which didn't help my self esteem. it made me so mad. why did this happen to me? that's when i moved onto stage four of grief: anger.

grieving stage four: anger - the anger stage of grief was the hardest one for me to overcome. i still have times when i go back to it. as i became more isolated i became more angry. angry that i had this painful disease that no one has ever heard of. angry that i had this painful disease that no one could cure. angry that i had this painful disease that took the life i had away. took my friends away. i was blaming myself and everyone for me getting rsd. and i shed alot of tears while doing so. but in time i realized that there was no one to blame. that sometimes things just happen. that this was my destiny. and that there had to be a reason this happened to me. i realized in time that this illness called rsd that took away the life i loved and the person i once was, was also the illness that gave me a new life and new sense of being and sense of purpose. i found in time after letting go of the anger and all the other prior stages of grief that this illness called rsd made me the stronger, more positive and more humbled person that i am today. the person that i believe i was put on this earth to be. that when i finally moved on the stage five of grief: acceptance.

grieving stage five: acceptance. - it took over four long years of having rsd to get to this point. it wasn't an easy journey by any means to get to it. i have been through things that i never thought i would be strong enough to handle both mentally and physically with rsd. it's been really hard and needless to say really painful. i have endured like you all have a pain that has no end. it is constant and i hurt all the time. i never know what each day will bring with rsd. some days i can manage to get up and shower and watch tv and some days i end up in the hospital getting major surgery on parts of my body that i believe rsd had aggravated because of it wearing down my immune system. but each day i still get up and fight with every ounce of strength i have no matter what rsd brings to me.

i persevere no matter how much rsd causes me to hurt. and i always hold onto hope that by raising awareness of this incredibly painful and debilitating rare illness that a cure will be soon found. maybe that is our purpose with rsd. to find in our inner selves the ability to gain perserverance, strength, determination and hope to face every day with courage. a courage that will give others perserverance. a courage that will give others strength. a courage that will bring determination to all the people suffering with rsd to keep trying to face each day and not give up no matter how bad the pain gets. and most importantly the courage to hold onto the hope that by raising awareness a cure will be found someday soon.

i know now that i can and will carry on and know that they can handle whatever comes their way. and i know that if i can find the courage to face each day with rsd then so can all of you. you can still make a difference in this world. you are amazing people who matter in this world. but most of all i want people with rsd to know that they will always be the bravest and most awesome people i will ever know because of the courage they all have. they are all people that i know will always see the positive no matter what rsd brings to them and they are people that will never give up hope. i read somewhere once the following quote: "you never know how strong you are until being strong the the only choice you have." that can never be more true then in our learning to live with rsd. we can do this! it hurts every second of every day but we do this! keep believing a cure will be found and don't ever ever ever give up!

Wow what a meaningful post. It must have been difficult for you to put into words the hard road you have travelled. I've been down a similar road the past 5 years. It's very upsetting to look back at all i had and all i was. I try to stay focused on the here and now to make the best of it. I've come to terms with this illness. I still hope for a better tomorrow but if all i get is what i've got, then i'm ok with that too. I am very thankful for my family and friends who have been so helpful along the way. Its nice hearing stories and advice from you and others in this group because you all understand the difficulties i face each day and its comforting to know i am not unique. You all are traveling the same path as i am and we can learn from and support one another. Thank you for your story.

Loved this! Thanks!

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RSD Me,

Thank you for the obvious care and attention you put into your beautiful post. I know we can all identify with the deep experience you summed up. I found myself nodding in agreement to your statements about bargaining. In the beginning I don't know how many hours I perseverated about what happened, how it might have been different, where it all went so wrong. I had such a need for an explanation, as if knowing would allow me to reverse it. I tried to convince myself forever that it was something else. I remember such deep, deep sadness and anger. Then feeling stuck in it and getting a therapist to help me move forward. Thank you for normalizing the process for everyone.

I found your visiting the stages you went through in your grieving process so meaningful because we have all been there or WILL be there in some form at some point. It is a great reminder that the experience is fluid and does change for the better. We may return to certain stages from time to time, even after we think we are finished, but that is not a failure. It is simply the nature of loss.

You have given us a wonderful reminder of the courage, resilience and grace that can be the gifts of hardship. I would encourage anyone who gets stuck in the natural emotions that come with grieving to get help because as RSD Me pointed out so eloquently, we can do this. Hope and beauty remain.