[vintagewine]

I am so very sorry everybody that I have been MIA on the boards.

I have been so depressed, in alot of nerve pain . It even hurts me to sit by my computer and type this.

My allodynia has been spreading which is freaking me out !!! And of course the more stressed I am over this , the worse the allodynia and nerve pain gets!

Every day I hope I will die . My couple of suicide attempts sadly and frustratingly were not successful. This pain and losing most of my quality of life is enough to want me to call it quits after all this time of being in such pain.

I am now on 50mgs. , titrating up to 60mgs. a day in a couple of weeks of oral ketamine a day. I do notice a difference in my pain with each titration , but this spreading is making me so scared and stressed out, which is counter productive for my pain.

My PM dr mentioned an infusion of something like lidocaine or prilocaine or something like that.

I mentioned the ketamine infusion that I chickenend out of last year.

Can any of you kind people give me your suggestions or input on these?

Thank you very much in advance .I appreciate it very much