[CRPSsongbird]

Most of the time I am happy with what I've made of my life after getting Crps....
Until I listen or watch a touching piece of music...... In reality my dreams died that day.....I just didn't know it. I can still sing....but without being able to play guitar AND sing.....it's like I lost half of my SOUL.....
I KNOW nothing can replace it. And though it may not have amounted to anything much.....it was MINE....
Sometimes it really feels like I've died, and only an echo of who was remains.
I know it will pass and life will go on and I thankful for the people and things I still love and cherish include.
But MUSIC.....was such a large part of who I was....and really still am in a shadowy kind of way.....at times it feels like the death of someone irreplaceable.....
Creating music, songs, that could express your deepest soul......I long for that again.....but am bitterly disappointed in my loss of ability......
Sigh.....like I said I know this will pass but it still hits me, so strongly it hurts all over....

[CRPSsongbird]

I have learned to have a happy.....if somewhat less productive life. Lol!! There are just moments I miss what I had with such poignancy!!
I know there are so many who suffer much worse. I am better than I was this time last year, but I do long sometimes for those things I cannot do any longer ya know?
When you can still struggle to accept the "new you"....in happy....but still wish....

[catra121]

We all have these moments and there is nothing wrong with it...I let myself have a pity party every now and then when I need it. Happens a little more often since tje birth of my daughter because she will never know that version of me.

[-Spike-]

Originally Posted by CRPSsongbird

Most of the time I am happy with what I've made of my life after getting Crps....
Until I listen or watch a touching piece of music...... In reality my dreams died that day.....I just didn't know it. I can still sing....but without being able to play guitar AND sing.....it's like I lost half of my SOUL.....
I KNOW nothing can replace it. And though it may not have amounted to anything much.....it was MINE....
Sometimes it really feels like I've died, and only an echo of who was remains.
I know it will pass and life will go on and I thankful for the people and things I still love and cherish include.
But MUSIC.....was such a large part of who I was....and really still am in a shadowy kind of way.....at times it feels like the death of someone irreplaceable.....
Creating music, songs, that could express your deepest soul......I long for that again.....but am bitterly disappointed in my loss of ability......
Sigh.....like I said I know this will pass but it still hits me, so strongly it hurts all over....

So So very True. Thanks for this stream. Losses like the one you are dealing with.. (musical expression) is hard to deal with, WHOA... it AIN'T easy! And I say poo poo to anyone that thinks it is. CRPS is ... -A-MONSTER-!

[mama mac]

I cried when I read this. So beautifully expressed. I love music. I speaks to my soul. My main expression of music was through movement, dance. I will never spin, twirl or move my feet to the music again in the same way.
I agree it feels like parts of me have died over the past year. The grief is deep and so hard to process. I am fighting to get to the other side and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning.
Music has also been a saving grace throughout all of this. I can put in my earbuds and sometimes float away. Music is a huge part of our family life as well, so it still helps us connect to each other in so many ways.
I have much to be thankful for. I remind myself many times a day. I am trying to build a new version of my life. I still have a long way to go. Thank you for your post. ~mac

[-Spike-]

Originally Posted by mama mac

I cried when I read this. So beautifully expressed. I love music. I speaks to my soul. My main expression of music was through movement, dance. I will never spin, twirl or move my feet to the music again in the same way.
I agree it feels like parts of me have died over the past year. The grief is deep and so hard to process. I am fighting to get to the other side and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning.
Music has also been a saving grace throughout all of this. I can put in my earbuds and sometimes float away. Music is a huge part of our family life as well, so it still helps us connect to each other in so many ways.
I have much to be thankful for. I remind myself many times a day. I am trying to build a new version of my life. I still have a long way to go. Thank you for your post. ~mac

Who would have ever thought that CRPS would mean building a new "me"....?

Well said Mac, well said!

[PurpleFoot721]

You're not alone. I have been feeling completely lost myself over the past few days, realizing that so many of my lifelong loves and dreams have been lost when CRPS came into my life.

[-Spike-]

Originally Posted by PurpleFoot721

You're not alone. I have been feeling completely lost myself over the past few days, realizing that so many of my lifelong loves and dreams have been lost when CRPS came into my life.

I can definitely relate!

[Littlepaw]

Songbird,

That is a unique and tragically beautiful loss. I am sure there is a physical ache where your guitar used to fit next to you.

But I think it is possible for some losses to be transformative. As an artist I really resonated with photography (the more remote locale the better) and did a lot of hiking and climbing to reach subjects. When this became impossible I found my need to create frustrated. What a lot of energy to hold onto! I ended up learning piano in the last few months, something I may not have done otherwise. Sitting still was never my forte.

I have discovered new abilities and found new things to love. With all that is available to try perhaps there is a hidden opportunity in the midst of the changes. I know nothing will quite replace your guitar and that is terribly sad but there are many ways for the soul to sing and I am sure that you will find one.


And for Mama, I am so glad to read of your improvements with treatment. You just may twirl again. Progress can be very slow but still come over time. I remember aching to dance (or even stand up) for the year I spent on a scooter thinking I would never do those things again. And yet just recently I did a little dance at home for my own enjoyment and I did alright.

Don't let go of any of those dreams just yet.