I have to say...I am quite a wreck this morning. In an hour and a half I have an appointment to finally get the results of my shoulder MRI to find out where we go with treatment for this awful shoulder pain I have had since I fell off the top of that ladder back in October.

My biggest fear is not surgery...it is that there is nothing more to do than what I have been doing. The pain is not getting better...nothing helps much except rest but with a 15 months old in the house there's a limit to how much rest I can give my shoulder. My quality of life is awful right now...I can't go out because I can't use the walker that I need because of the RSD so I am basically trapped in the house except for doctor appointments (which are few and far between) and dropping off/picking up my daughter from daycare. Taking baths is one of the biggest things that helps my RSD...and I can't take them more than once every few days because the whole process is SO painful for my shoulder. I don't eat much because quite frankly getting food ready (even making a sandwich) is painful. I try rationing my activities to limit the amount of pain I end up in each day...but 90-100% of that activity is spent taking care of my daughter and not me. I'm not sleeping hardly at all...many many sleepless nights due to pain. The RSD is flaring and the shoulder pain is terrible.

I try so very hard to power through like I do with the RSD...and it's killing me. I really feel like I have hit my limit with how much I can handle...the only light at the end of the tunnel being this appointment and the hope that I will finally get a solid treatment plan and an idea of just how long this is supposed to last. If there is an end in sight...I can make it...but if it's still up in the air or ends up just being yet another thing I just have to accept in life then I just don't know what I will do. I find myself getting so angry all the time. I never act on the anger or lash out at the people I get angry at...I know it's just the pain...but I can recognize that it's there and I am just so frustrated by the whole situation.

Sigh...sorry to unload...I try to always stay positive and it has gotten me through a lot...but I feel like things are just slipping out of control and I'm struggling. Wish me luck that today I can get some answers.