All of these girls have good stories to tell and I would listen to them. I haven't went through what they did. I was married 35 years to a good man that was also disabled but the man worked his ***** off for us to have something. He bought and sold antiques on the side and when he passed 8 months ago he left me with my home almost paid off. I only owed 5000. more on it when I lost him. I have everything I need. I still do need another vehicle but my truck is still going strong. Next month I will have my place paid off and another vehicle.

He could be a pain at times. He was determined to be the man of the house and take care of me and Susan. He was old school. At times it seemed like control to me but I finally realized I couldn't work anyway so I let him do what he needed to do.

As far as your husband, he doesn't sound like that kind of person. Bill never once said that if I would work we would have something. I really can't picture a good man saying that to his wife no more then she would him if he were disabled.

I recall a girl on the TOS forum who got her settlement and her husband bought him a new car and new motorcycle with HER settlement and left her very broke and in such bad shape for about 4 years until she got her SS. She didn't have kids to support either.

I would definately think about where that money should go myself. Maybe buy him one or two small things or one bigger item and you one item such as he pool and the fence which wouldn't be all that much and then put the other back.

As far as the bills. Go to these people and tell them you will make payments until they get paid off.

I don't remember if you said your husband was working or not. If he is then stretch his money as far as you can with paying the bills and put that aside for your emergencies.

As far as councelling for you, I would say they also offer free councelling somewhere through Social Services. They do here. At least for you. Give him an ultimatum as one girl said and if he won't go then go by yourself. If he doesn't meet you halfway then odds are he doesn't care enough to keep the marriage going.

Stand your ground and take care of yourself and your daughter. She is what's most important and think about the fact that most likely you will not be able to hold down another job.

Good luck on your decisions you make and hang around for the support that you will get from all of these good people.

Ada

I want oto thank everyone for there input. It all helps. I did apply for disability in the early stages twice and was denied twice. At that point I had no diagnoses, but I was put on permanent restrictions like no repetitive motion to the left hand, lifting restriction of only 2-3 pounds in the left hand and no sustained pinching or grasping with the left hand. Disability said that I could still work therefore they denied me. I gave up at that point because of my depression so I am afraid to go try again. I don't want to get anymore depressed than I already am. My husband will not go to church. He calls us bible thumpers. He beleives in god but he will not go to church. Don't get me wrong he is not a horrible man, its just sometimes he speaks before he thinks. I tell him how bad he hurts me, but he shows no emotion. In the 14 years that we have been married he may have shed tears 4-5 times. He does not show emotion. He just keeps on a plugging as he phrases it. I do love him a whole lot, it is just a tough road to travel for all of us because I am only 34 and had big plans to help him with his farm and do so many things with my family and in one instant all our dreams were shattered because of my injury. It is just not fair. I know life is not fair sometimes, but why me?

Tracy

Hi pookie--first ecvuse my typing--bad hand day..

First--when you INITIA::Y applied for SSDI, you did NOT have a "diagnosis", and I suspect that you didn't have the stated WORK RESTICTIONS.. the same thing happened to me, so as SOON as I go tthe "evidence" AFTER SSDI denied my claim, I filed for the reconsideration, vasee on ADDITIONAL EVIDENCE and "ner information" that the initial SSDI did not have when making the INITIAL determination... by that time the EVIDENCE showed that I had a pain magagment Doc, was having Stellate Blocks, etc. S My calin was APPROVED, with "back=pay",

On a more "touvhy subject"--i too was with a "good man", who also RARELY showed "emotion"..I literally "busted my butt" for TEN YEARS--saw HIM through HIS inuries and "family crises". But when I got hurt, sure, he was there for me==at HIS CONVENIENCE--if it did NOT "interfere" with HIS plans, or his FAMILIES plans. HIS gamily lived a 12 HOUR car drive from us; MINE--THREE hours...after ONE of my ulnar sulrgeries, we were invited for the Holidays by my sister, who had NOT seen me or spent the Holidays with me for YEARS.. BUT--oh no, my SO REFUSED, and INSISTED that WE go to HIS faamily * which he hs ALWAYS seen) ...it was "no joy" enduring a 12 plus hour card drive to see his vamily/
Whenever I sufferd the loss of a family menber== I had to go "solo"--but for HIS fanily==U had to call the Doctors, make sure the everything was taken care of. VISIT for the "perk me ups", another 12 hour drive for HIS needs, etc.

Like your husband, the ONLY tiome I saw my S/o of TEN YEARS shed a tear was when it was someting that affected HIM. He woukld NEVER talk or shed a teatr about ANYTHING in MY life--MY worries, MY fears, HOW y injuries were affecting "US"..

The BIg "wake up call " was last year-- i had gallen and broken my knee, was non-wight bearing fot 12 weeks, amd had to recu[erate at "his place"..and BELIOEVE ME if I could have RUN away, I would have.. hecpnstantly critized me for NOT KEEPING HIS PLACE SPIC AND SPAN--never mind the fact that I was in a wheelchair, with TWO crappy arms, and couldn't use the crutches in the FIRST place..

AND, he REFUSED to tale me ANYSHWERE in PUBLIC.so I was STUCK..

When I FINALLY got to the point of partial weight=bering again, and HAD to be on crutches, i WANTED to be back at my OWN HOME..HIS satellite dish had blown up, HE couln;'t watch Baskeball, but he was MORE than happy to take me home to watch the game on MY TV--UPSTAIRS.

At half-time, I NICELY asked him to bring something uo from downstairs==IGNORED. Finally, I decided I would just do it MYSELF/

Meedless to say, I coulde not use the crutches properly, made it down the first 2 steps ok, but the crutch got caught as I wasn[t able to use them wuite right, and ended uo falling down FIFTEEN STAIRS, ending up in a heap on the livingorrm floor, surrounded by briken glass and blood.

ALL HE did was SWEAR AND CURSE that he was NOT taking me to the "f'in ER", and turned the tv volume up. I DID manage to make it to the phine ion the kitchen, call 911 amd they came...the Paramedics saw him LEAVE by the back door.

For the follwoing ELEVEN DAYS that I was in the hospital for a broken jip, re-broken knee, broken ankle (and the RSD wasn[t doing too well, either) o was CONSTANTLY asked if he "did something to me"...

Oh==I have NOT HEARD A WORD FROM HIM SINCE--except that he DID use my washer dryer while I was in the hospital after he and his buddy went on acamping /fishign trip and had laundry to do...

Perhaps the relationship between you and your husband is different, and WHEN he does things it is also FOR YOU..NOT "just" for HIM in "at the moment" (if it is convenient for HIM), not "tomorrow (if it is convenient for HIM), or for his FUTURE (if YOU have something HE NEEDS, and it BENEFITS HIM).

I learned a VERY HARD LESSON, that MY needs are JUST AS IMPORTANT as HIS...and guess what??

A YEAR later after all this-- I am doing JUST FINE. SUre, there are some difficult moments, the "why did this happen to me" ,moments, but for ONCE, I AM living FOR ME, without someione "else" ytuomh to make me feel that if I do NOT have what HE needs WHEN he needs it, that I am
"not deserving" and SELFISH because the world didnt; REVOLVE AROUND HIS NEEDS.

Well , I hope this makes sense. It is diffivult to talk about , let alone TYPE/

i NRVER thought ANY of thiscould "happen to me", but it DID. AND I ,made it through. i have MANY more OPPORTUNITIES, and you better belive it, I am exploring THEM ALL, one 'step at a time",..LITERALLY!!

I hope this helps put thing is perspective...if anything i have said raises a "red flag" , TRY to get family counselling so you van talk about it BEFORE it turns out like my (nad OTHER's situations) == if he REFUSES and starts BLAMING YOU and the RSD and making YOU feel "RESPONSIBLE" -- RUN, and take your daughter and YOUR settlement money with you....

)Again, sorrry abouth the typos..)

Most Sincerely,