I believe our doctors tell us that we have to live with pain because that is all that exists in their bag of tricks, a trite phrase that has no meaning.

Anyone who has lived with chronic pain knows that we cannot get better until we are well, and well doesn't mean living with an uncontrolled beast roaming freely throughout our bodies.

I know that most of our doctors are intelligent, but they are not smart. They seem to be able to memorize material, but they seem unable to take in information, synthesize it, and create a unique approach to solve the problems that we present.

I believe many of our doctors are no better than a crappy computer with a mediocre database installed - here's the problem; here's the solution - with almost all of the limited, predetermined solutions provided by drug companies.

And still without a solution I continue to say, "I hate the medication I am taking; I hate the side effects that they cause; and I HATE THE PAIN." But as much as I hate pain, I hate even more how my pain impacts my spouse, my family, and my friends.

And, no matter what our love ones say, we know they are impacted. I remember the conversation with my dear, dear wife where I said at least I did not have a cancer that included an agonizing death, and she quipped back, "What? Verses having the slowest and most agonizing of deaths ever conceived?" It was a slip, but it spoke to the depth of impact. And, it was at that moment I understood why it was too difficult for most of my pre-injury friends.

With all of the worthless words that I have added to the conversation, I understand this is my place. I understand I have to continue to find ways to celebrate each day and everyone in my life.

I know so very well that I can cry, and I know that because of the pain I can empathize better than most. I have learned how to celebrate the tears, especially those shed in empathy.

Though this beast of pain can maim, it cannot blind. I can choose to look for the laughter and for the joy of living - things that used to rush blindingly towards me. This beast can kill my body, but it does not have the right to touch my soul.

I choose to continue to celebrate life - for those who I love, for those who have loved and for those who continue to love me; but especially for my dearest of loves, my precious wife.

I also celebrate this site. This site is filled with wonderful people who are traveling a forced march through hell and choose to support each other on their hellish journey. And I especially celebrate this site and the ones who have who have watched someone be selected for that march and have willingly thrown on the backpack.