This was the only home our daughter ever had known. She cried interminably. We tried to explain that sometimes things work out this way and we need the move in order to prolong the time for me to find work. She is coming around. What a blessing she is.

So here we are, having found, we think, a place to rent and call home for a while. I continue to plod the airwaves and those whom I know with never ceasing look for work. We will see, prayer is at work, home sold, new place found, we think, and employment must be on the horizon, it just must.

SCS working as it should, handles spikes by cranking it up. Now the meds I take are lifting me out of the depression and anxiety into which I had descended. Sad to say. Had such high hopes. Hope is rising again. We will find a way. Gonna say goodbye to the Estate style of living though, and really that is OK, because things are not what the stuff of life is meant to be. Nope that is relationships, those tender tidbits of care each of you has stuffed just so into my thread letting me know I needed to be here. I tremble at the prospect of Comcast moving our service to the next place, hoping it goes without a hitch...... cross your fingers and say a prayer.

Love to you all,
Mark56

Sooooo GREAT to see you on a regular basis. I will continue to pray for you and yours I have missed your input and wisdom.
z n

Settling in to the thought of moving. Contacted a window blinds supplier at Costco today, getting into the groove, I guess. Lamenting our move, but it will work to the best for all. The purchasers are so very excited about getting our home.

Had to turn up PJ because the stress just does increase pain. At least it works.

Thank you, Pooh, for your kind remark. So sorry I have been away as I have, it is amazing what depression does isn't it?

Prayerfully,
Mark56

Ohhh yes! How I certainly comprehend this dear Bro!
It can take us to some very VERY dark places.
When I was at my lowest, I made the horrible mistake of 'isolating' myself.....
I guess because I didn't want people to 'see' me like that......or because I had no 'life' in me.....just didn't have it in me even to put on a FAKE smile.....
It's not good to isolate. We feel inadequate. We don't want to 'burden' our family or friends. We feel that we are supposed to be the 'strong' one, and when we can't measure up......well, where does that leave us?
For me, I felt defeated. I felt ashamed.....to be so down and out. After all, I do have so very much to live for.......but when depression has it's hold on us and the dark cloud wont lift....we lose the strength to even fight back.
We try to hang on to our faith and believe that God is with us, but in the darkest hour......well, it seems, even He has turned His back.

It is only in hindsight that we can see clearly enough to realize that the ever-so-famous poem "Footprints in the Sand" spells out the truth......the very same truth that is repeated over and over in the Bible.......

I am so sorry that this miserable dark cloud had fallen upon you dear Bro...
So many of us know exactly what it is like to be so down under.

BUT!! The GOOD thing about all this is...... it's in the PAST!!!!
You are sounding more like your ol' self again, despite the fact that things are uncertain for you still......the difference NOW is that you can SEE more clearly.......there is obvious change taking place....but it's not a 'bad' thing....
God doesn't take us 'backwards'......
You have faithfully been standing on God's Word and all the prayers poured out have not been in jest.......God has you on the move....
You've got some wonderful things headed your way.....
Thank you for keeping steadfast.....
There was potential for many broken hearts, had you not.

Caring Always
Rae

Mark, when are you set to move? please know that we are all thinking of you right now, this is a big transition, a big change in your life so do yourself a favor and remember to breathe and to be kind to yourself.

We await approval from the landlord's background check on us to be able to do a single thing. Talked to her last night. She has met us, of course, and seems sincere in her approach to us, but with the computer age and abiltiy to veryify every last little detail about prospective renters, it takes TIME. We want to just get on with it, being now mentally prepared to leave this place where we raised our family.

Pain up today, so stim is UP today. Still works. Thank you God for the stim.... now, if you will just shine a light on a job for me and confirm our move to this other place, we will be so grateful.

Prayerfully,
Mark56

Funny how a landlord might throw a curve ball. We heard from our prospective LL that rent would be $200 more if our daughter came home from college at end of semester due to "additional wear and tear." Now we think we cannot trust this LL.... started looking again today. Saw several homes with rents in the range of what LL was going to charge, BUT..... they don't surcharge if our daughter comes home. Methinks we are going to jump to another property and let LL stew in their swill. We cannot abide a "change" to the deal once it has been struck, kinda erodes trust.

Still feel so blessed to have my Boston Sci unit. Used it higher today. Stress does increase pain. Gotta remember to recharge. Oh yeah. Well, better go so I can "plug in."

Prayers,
Mark56

Follow your Heart!! That 'Still Small Voice'.....
If you get a 'red flag' in your Spirit, there is usually good reason.....
That LL can go fly a kite.....

and OMG!! THANK YOU for reminding me!!!! My battery has gone Wayyy past half empty ! I need to charge.....!
Yikes! I NEVER let it get this low!!!

What was I thinking!!!
Gotta Go !!

Wow Mark what is this LL thinking......he has no right to want to charge you more has he!!! Well Im glad you found THAT out now and not when you had moved in.

You are right to go searching again, I know its not what you wanted to this LL is definitely worth dropping like a hot potato!!!!


Rae you do make me laugh. I know exactly what you mean about charging!!!!

I was here the other day and for some reason thought, 'hmmmmmm must check my battery' dont even know why it came into my head......wellto my surprise I had only a quarter left, I was mad with myself for letting it get so low. So now I have put a reminder in my calendar on my iphone which reminds me each evening at 7pm to check my battery, just a thought.
Maybe you could do that too

Mark am hoping to hear some good news from you soon. You are REALLY being tested arent you. Always in my prayers though

Jackie

Well, that charging session on a weekly basis is a good thing into which to let habit take over. I look at the charge everytime I reset the signal intensity, and if I am down a bit, then..... bip, I slap the charger on to keep it full up.

We believe we found just the place today, after hearing from LL that we are approved for her place.... a place we feel we cannot now trust. So we have our realtor looking into a Lease Purchase Option with the place we felt led to view today. Perhaps God is in this segue'.

Stim working well today. What a blessing.

Oh, and another blessing, here is a poem I did during worship, as I tried to capture the essence of the sermon in verse last Sunday:

Discerning Love
MRidder 20101128

He came for me
all shame was gone
His spirit frees
discernment won.
My sin so great
but Christ has come
He gave His fate
the Lamb of Love.
Confession giv’n
no other judge
His loving gift
discerned in Love.
Example laid
so open, bare,
He asks, He bade
we give in care.
With open palm
and grace of God,
we offer calm
discerning Love.


Praying for you all,
Mark56