Hi gerry and eva, My sons depression, was first I think due to his job. He works with older people in depressing conditions, lot of them die too. He is sensitive, and being an OPTA he sees alot of suffering. It got to him. It wasn't drugs in his case. He also lost a long time girlfriend, it really hurt him. He doesn't want kids, ever, and at his age, those girls in his age group are on a biological ticker, time is running out, so they want the kids. My son didn't want to bring another into this world, and that is the bottom line. They split over this issue, and it really sank him into a terrible depression. Then he has got me on the other hand, caught in medical trouble, stuck with a legal issue on a trust, and it was just too much for him. So I put my troubles on the back burner, and started to be as supportive as I could be. He had a great home cooked meal last night. He is back to work and recovering slowly. I am sincerely trying to be that support, which as the parent of an adult child is all you can really do. I think many families go through trouble. We all do the best we can do. Hope your son Eva is OK, and your child too Ger, I hope they recover. ginnie

dear friends

may you all be blessed with the wind
blowing on a crisp beautiful sunrise
the water at your feet on smooth
pebbles and stone the sound of
birds singing the dew on the leaves
and the smell of dirt that gives us
greenery beautiful flowers grass
that baby grass the feel
great under bare feet
the feel of life just letting it
go through you and while
you imagine or are living this
remember
thank you God
thank you Jesus
thank you Spirit
thy will be done
stay in my heart
my head
my being
allow me the strength needed
to help as i know what he
must do for sober life
know you are with me always
as with all others you create
never alone
dear Lord
never alone
i get assurance my life
is a constant learning process
thank you God gave free will
let me do your work in my
daily living open and tell it
as it is.
trying to call my son
cannot get through
on top of that
it is the weekend
will come back later
thanks for being around

with love around the world

We make our move to our new home, courtesy of the blessings of God in our lives. Tonight, our daughter and I sleep here at the new home twice the size of the rental we had known for a year, even larger still than the home we sold just over a year ago.

It is so interesting.as I begin to contemplate the last seven years of drought in our family. Selling all stock, selling all mutual funds, even at last selling our own home... [I even sold my Ovation guitars, all of them]. Then I prayed and thought, spoke with God, had doubts about myself, wondering what I had done to fail, when the wreck had hurt me nearly fataly 7 years ago. This has been a season of questioning myself.

Now certainly no longer among the wealthy, I have had much time to contemplate God's lesson through these years. One has certainly been the lesson of Enough. Despite losses of wealth, we have always had enough on which to rely for shelter, warmth, food, and clothing.

Another I began to think of today is the lesson of pride. You see, when we were among the rich, so to speak, we gave and gave liberally and freely, helping others in need, feeding them if that was the need, paying rents and mortgages when that was necessary. Reaching out a helping hand even beyond the shores of our homeland. PRIDE. I have clearly begun to wonder God desperately wanted me to learn pride is potentially harmful, especially when I had it all planned out to retire at an appropriate ripeness of 69 when, according to the market plan we would count shekels adding up over $29million. PRIDE. Oh, yes, a good, probably even very good lawyer I had been, so good, that I was among the highest income earners in the entire U.S. in the profession. HUH. If I were God, I might just wonder, how about that Mark? Reckon that head size is a little on the grandiose size, even thinkin He demonstrates gretitude, BUT lacks the humility to give glory to God in ALL THINGS even the inspiration which hits his mind? How about a good test of that mettle, see whether Mark is able to withstand the fear of having to live out of a cardboard box, or stand at a corner with a sign which proclaims his need?

Interesting, the more we lost, the greater became my yearning to share with others God inspires all we produce. The seat cushion I had patented for pain of all sorts was inspired of God, and I readily admit it to everyone. Our company name, Inspri, was selected from rearranging the word Inspiration so as to give honor to God. I so love it when a person asks about the unusual name of the company...... another open door through which God's inspiration is willingly shared.

Pride was part of that former Mark mix in too great a measure, now, Mark is far more humble and gives glory to God in all things, urging others to realize the same need for themselves.

How about the need to practice Matthew 28 more? Speaking openly to folks about Jesus' influence in my life? Timid before, probly. Less likely to share, yes, due to fear of political correctness. The wreck changed all of that, for it removed me from the safety of the high corner office I occupied in an office tower with a GRAND view of the mountains for which Colorado is famous. Thinking I could Live Jesus, and that would be enough. WRONG!!!!

Open mouth, remove foot, start talking. Words come out better that way, even a bit better understood. God was so right. So, even tonight as I was paying the young men who helped us today on the day of rest after they had attended worship, I was counting out the bills..... but then one had worked a little bit shorter time than the ohers, without hesitating a beat, I started counting out his bills telling him there was a vinyard master who according to parable hired workers throughout the day, then paid each the same at the end. One of the young men chimed in, YES, we just heard that one in worship last week!!! Precious, the lesson Christ brought to us about faith producing the same heavenly reward regardless of length of relationship with Him or the significance of our production.... it was all laid out there before me and several young men and one young lady.... then I said to the young fella who showed up later the exact measure of pay all others had received. The room fell quiet a moment, then another chimed in how this was exactly the measure of faith, the meaning of acceptance. I was hopeful this had impact on the young man so rewarded, because before yesterday I had only met two of the gentlemen. Our daughter had recruited all from school, This was a golden moment of sharing faith, hope and love. Do you suppose it took?

I certainly hope so,
Praying ever,
Acknowledging Christ in all things,
Mark56

What better time to use the parable of hired workers. It was perfect. I do believe this may be something these young people may remember sometime during their lifetime.

Your story of Pride was so likened to a movie with Al Pacino and Keanu Reeves (1997) For some reason this story remained somewhere in the back of my mind. The meaning was so filled with the story of Pride. Coincidently, it was about a lawyer (some of the detials a bit fuzzy) who got involved with this man who would show him the way to win big cases, etc. etc. Eventually, the lawyer realized this man was SATAN. When he realized this....he was having no part of him. I remember, afterwards, near the end, the lawyer going down some stairs where there were reporters and wanted to do a story about him (or something like that) and he was so filled with how nice that would be....and all at once you hear SATAN (Al Pacino) with a loud laughing roar saying........Vanity - definitely my favorite sin". SATAN did succeed afterall !!!!

This is something so many of us do not even realize is happening. Just part of life.....or is it????

(Gerry)

Loved what you said. You play your life forward, giving as you go along. Today I got a call from the attorney referral services. God willing, this will finally be an answer to the help I need. Thank you for what you have done for folks along the way too. I am currently helping Lori on NT who goes by another name. I got my whole neighborhood down here collecting things to help her out. She lost her home, andwas living on the street. She now has a roof over her head, and clothes and personal products. Sometimes we have to do those things Mark. I could not turn my back on this person. You helped with rent, just like my neighborhood and my friends are doing for this woman. What happened is I found out she was going hungry. I went to bed that night with a full stomach and I couldn't sleep, not one bit. So the next day, I got in gear, and paid it forward. We both will do all we can. I could not listen to anothers cry, and not do anything. Jesus does say to do this Mark, and I will follow.

I am glad you have this home of yours. It sounds like you have found some comfort after a really hard number of years. I hope you have less pain today. Please say hello to your family for me. ginnie

What a wonderful site. I have been feeling overwhelmed since my son's shunt surgery a few weeks ago and the pain that has prevailed. Your site has been an encouragement to me. I am thankful for you and the courage and blessing you are to me. Thank you for so willingly sharing your journeys. God bless each of you. As I pray for my son I will include all of you. God Bless, Cherbear

dear friends

beautifully said
gerry i remember
of such a movie
in a room with
a huge fire place
my blessings for the day:
dear God may i be at
a point in life that i could muster
up some strength so i can do
what needs tending to
my new meds keep me down
if side effects are an issue it
will be with me sensitive stomach
i trust you dear Jesus things around
me are going better my daughter
thankful and grateful eva made
Sunday mass with momma
my son getting the help he needs
thank you Jesus
managed and entertained my 13
year old and her friend a weekend
sleepover 2 nights
took them bowling
i am hurting so badly
but to watch her smile
with her friend was more
than i was hoping for
i got them to smile
my daughter an grandchild
will be with me during Easter weekend
my family at my table
oh thank you
blessings coming your way soon
Cleo and Mark God Bless
the circle of life
it is a beautiful gift
AMEN AMEN AMENAMENAMEN

HAVE A GLORIOUS BLESSED DAY ALL AROUND THE WORLDtypo

Yes, Eva....now that you mentioned it, the huge fireplace also comes to mind as well. So glad your daughter attended Mass with you: as well as your son, at least giving his best effort, for recovery. Wishing you a new Blessed day with much less pain.

(Gerry)

And how I so love that NAME CherBear, pronounced Share Bear, a beautiful addition to this wondrous place of safety and prayer, of revelation and need, of love and being loved.

Tonight's prayer before bed includes all of you my friends well known and new, for in every single letter you teach me more of the love God pours afresh upon us each and every day.

Tomorrow, I hope to write about Tommy, please pray for him and his baby girl. I am about to fall asleep from fatigue, so, g'night my blessings,
Mark56
Prayin

I have some really important information for you to read if you would care to. I am reading a book called "The Emperor Of All Maladies" This whole huge book is all the research there is on cancer. There is a whole chapter devoted to tomoxifen. If you can get this book through your library, it may help you in understanding the action of this drug you are taking. Unlike most poisens that are delievered such a chemotherapy, this drug you are taking as a different route. You have this marker called ER and that is why they are using tomoxifen with your cancer. This drugs history is in it, since 1962 and the early and uptodate trials. It has a wonderful reputation and good statistics to go with the information. Also that stomach trouble is not a regular sympton that people get. This is more an antihormonal you are taking that stops homores Estrogen from replicating to begin with, shutting down the mechnicanisn that triggered your cancer. Pages 254 through 261 is about everything you could question about this particular therapy. If you can understand how it works, your symptoms may reduce in intensity. Sometimes the fear of something can make it worse. You may also find some relief knowing how good this drug works, and reduce your stress a bit. I would send you copies of this chapter but it is on my Nook, I am not sure how to copy a back lit page. Can you get a copy from the library? Let me know if you cannot, and I could try and copy all this information and send it to you.
If you would tell me in PM your address. I really want to help you Eva get through this part of your therapy so you can address you back issue. This whole chapter would make you feel so much better on the couce of action your doctors took. I care about you Eva, and I so hope that you feel better

It is by Sadartha Mekherjee. The book is an eye opener, but that chapter is uplifting and educational to a max. Take care this morning and God bless you as you go through this day. ginnie