dear friends

blessings for the day

request many times over
for a wonderful kind wise
God induced helpful worker
may there be sparkles of stars
all your wishes be heard
Faith towards the unknown
by his grace
thy will be done
pain free in spirit
and in body
Lord watch over them
Amen

dear friends

blessings for the day

passion
something i miss
let me be grateful
the get up and go
has gone
i am stunned amazed
and not ready to throw
in the towel
it is like getting a cold
and how swiftly the the
body produces all that mucus
i am at awe when a cold takes
on a body
the worse is when a young
baby or child trying to expel
that yucky stuff
anyhow passion
is what has disappeared
in this woman life
i still feel my stance persona
tell it as i see it
there is a word used
to describe a certain persona
abrasive complicated
B***H not great job girl thanks
to many misunderstoods
perception of me cautious
never allowing my children
to feel secondary as they
still aren't
love for your children
is different than the love
for anything other kind of being
i take no issue with anyone
choosing that no child for them
and for myself
as a mother of four
it's mother love
passion
about so many things
i have this fantabulous
idea about eyeglasses
wearing them along with my
children all their and my life
always a problem in all eye wear
don't know who to trust
and that's that
passion
i have it
never used it
to work for
me
passion
love what you do
and while doing it
you are in a happy place
we do understand
passion
the Love of God
forever and always
a reason why it is as it is
thank you God
thank you Lord
thank you Friends
that's a happy place
need to chill out
i tell my kids OCD and
chill out just takes a little longer
everything i do i give my all
passion
still wanted as a woman
with passion we'll see
i love who i am and are
continuing to evolve
passion
never did i think as a very young
girl that my mind would feel
as it does at 51
and body
never
on the outside
still blessed with beautiful
comments
that's where way back i think i may have
have even titled it on NT
"if someone says how good i look...."
i want to skin
and then ask them
how did that feel
my pain is not visible
to the eye
only could guess
when i go to sit
or stand
or walk with aid
sorry it is the truth
thank you Lord
another day
wishing passion
in everything you
think of touch and feel
God is good

I am so blessed to know you. Yes, I posted somewhere all the results. I get my foot rebuilt on May 2nd. I am having anger issues at my former ankle specialist. If he didn't know what my problem was, why did he just guess, soak me for money and let me me in pain for 7 years? It isn't the actual bones, but the supporting structures. I have a tear in the archilles tendon, and a tear in the post tibial tendon, that pushed my heel to the outside of the foot, and caused the whole foot to colapse. Big big surgery coming and intensive weeks of no weight bearing, lots of therapy. He isn't investigating the other foot, in hopes that it was just my walking to cause the pain, and not a re-pete of this foots problems. Toe joint replace ment is out too, the failure rate is way too high. that will be fused, four weeks after the origional surgery. I have alot wrong, and my anklespecialist, never did an MRI to find out what was wrong. My anger is really up there, as I have been in pain for 7 years. Why did he not send me to someone who could find out? Also my pain specialist thinking this wasn't such a big deal, cut my meds, until a wheelchair was presented to me. That is why I tried to get the help on my own. I was not ready to give into a wheel chair. Why I ask did this other doctor, not admit he didn't know what was wrong, and instead soaked me for thoursands in orthodics, and braces that did absolutly nothing! I am in need in anger management today....what should I do, if anything, just soak it up and let some doctor ignor me? ginnie

This is very angering! You have every right to feel the way you do. 7 years is a LONG time Misguided directions from Drs sends us in circles, not to mention like you said, the cost. This is why so many people like us end up here - frustration and hopelessness.
Through prayer and faith we end up finding a good doctor somewhere along the line....could be years. I guess this proves to build our faith (?).....but we sure are allowed to have anger moments along the way.

Praying for this surgery to be the final step for you Ginnie.

Rae

Yes I am praying today. For guidance right now. I know my left foot will be OK in time now. The right one, he is not going to do the MRI on until after I heal up. He is hoping that it was just the bad walking gait that I had, threw off the other foot, and thats why that one hurts. I don't think he wants to over whelm me at this point. One at a time... I still am not sure if I want to take a legal action for mal practice or negligance (spelling). I am indeed that up set. In fact I can't eat right now. I am happy on one hand to get an answer, but on the other hand so angry at the other doctor. I don't know how to reconcile those emotions. They don't mix too good. Any ideas? ginnie

Mark, You are on my prayer list. I hope you are OK. Please let us know what is happening soon. I called my friends Bob and Lori my neighbors, they are praying too. ginnie

is certainly easy to say......but still we are left here with these feelings of being robbed all these years off our life. And to boot, we have been misled by someone we trusted and paid a ridiculous amont of money to.
We can still Let go and Let God, but I don't see what it would hurt to go back to that original doctor and request all the doctor and procedure notes, and anything else you can think of - including times when you've gone back to him stating that nothing he did has helped. Hopefully they haven't discarded all this information. This way, you have this information so that no one can say it's your word against theirs. Especially if anything this other Dr did caused you more harm than good.

From there, just go with what the Lord guides you to do.
From the sounds of what you are saying, it might just do you some good to pursue this a bit. Nobody likes to feel as tho they don't 'count'....as your doctor sort of left you high and dry. If there were a way he could somehow be made aware of what this has done to you.

I'm so sorry what this has put you through.....

Rae

I have all his notes, and all the xrays he took. I had of course given the new doctor these reports. They made copies and gave them back to me. I will pray alot more over this, thats for sure. Thanks for your support. ginnie

I too am well acquainted with anger at being soaked, duped and made worse. In my case my anger is more directed at myself than the doctor who put me in a wheelchair. My advice is to do what ever helps you to work through that anger. Taking legal action my be the path that gets you there but it could also keep you tied to that anger which might negatively effect your recovery.

My prayer for you is that you do whatever you need to do to get better. I am so excited that you have finally found a solution and a doctor who can help you. For me-working real hard to reverse the damage, get out of the wheelchair and move on with my life is the answer.

Yesterday a friend, who had a similar result with the SCS, asked me how I can cope with all the anger of being maimed by the doctor who put me in the wheelchair. He commented that I am not yet back to the point to where I was prior to the implantation of the Spinal Cord Stimulator that caused the spreads. Amazing as it seems, I had never looked at it like that.

I just focus on where I am now and the fact that I am getting better each week, despite the fact that most people who experience serious CRPS spreads from SCS don't improve. I also focus on the fact that now I am a better consumer and advocate for myself. You are too and that is the best skill to acquire no matter when and how we acquire it.

The glass is indeed half full! I know your glass is half full too. May 2 is just around the corner.

I am trying this morning to breathe deep, and stop crying. Maybe I just need to cry awhile and then I can get down to the business of getting ready for may 2nd. I am not dong anything legal right now, just can't and cope at the same time with what I know is coming. I am not so good with emotions when I get like this, so I am doing all I can do to get past it. didn't sleep so good, so I will read and try and take my mind off it. I just don't understand why someone I trusted hurt me like that. I am glad I was my own advocate, or I never would have found this solution to my ankle problem at all. I thank God for this site, as it gave me the courage to persue and not stop trying to find a solution. I will be OK, I know I have the support of you and so many good folks on this site. That is such a comfort. I know I am cared about too, and I will get through this one way or the other. I would rather go to surgery with a smile. I now am waiting for my pain specialist to call me, and figure out what to do pain wise for after surgery. Thanks James, I am trying. ginnie