I've sent you both a PM about E-harmony. Strength and prayers to you both

you bet Angel
i heed to the warning
trust me
i just could't imagine
something like that
you just never know
love
me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

confused
usually when the weather is dry and nice
my pain is not magnified
as barometer does affect me
and my knees feet hips
hurt so badly lasts night
the most i did was go to scheduled
doctors appointment pain specialist
just a few towns away
not anything a person does in their
home such as tidy up take shower dress
it is difficult sometimes to dress
take the dreaded elevator
there was not much walking
involved
so i rule out any over doing it
the night before there was much muscle
twitching it was mentioned to my doctor
and he asked if i was taking my muscle
relaxant answer yes
Father again am i okay
did my cancer migrate
this will be ruled out soon
my body has become so
fragile in many areas and
this is not seen by another
i eat healthy
the best i can
and i am as i am
and do the best with it
and still not bad
to another who does not know
me on a good day wouldn't
know and that's great
but my kids should be a little
more compassionate to some things
i can't do myself
then wind up doing it myself in anger
as anger and pain masked for a while
and finish a job
i suffer immediately when relaxed
so i am hip to the gig
the nortriptyline 50mg a night to help
not doing the job as i see i
am on something for three months now
paying attention
Father my mind can not be at ease
until i have diagnosis ruled out
and i will move on
i pray all is well with me
in this situation
my granddaughter is my saving Grace
i have reared her well
a happy baby
a beautiful baby
a brilliant imagination
a wonderful heart
a aunti Corissa who see the love
as she remembers what special things
i did for her
especially the breakfasts
and when we played legos
my grand baby as all my children
lovvvvvvvvvvvve them
she still needs me as mom is still in
and out of recovery
some of the delay is moms understanding
she needs to do alone recovery
finish the program
and i will continue to help
i have custody as it is
and i want to keep it temporary
mommy will i pray get it
its has been a long tough road
and the workers don't know if they are coming
or going
not a surprise
like loose most all of file
Father only you know my
headache of many not doing their job
experiences with child support department
i know only too well
thank you for your love
and allowing me to share

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

A call from my sister I missed
She called distressed over very
important issues many brought on by
self
Nevertheless she picked up the phone
no one on this earth is meant to suffer
yet we do
Our mother land Africa a place I happened
to be born in city Durban
Her and I talked for four hours on our past
the choices made opportunities past on by
as I reared three babies at twenty four
My sister lived with some fun time something
I am glad she did
as where she is now I wish on no one
a mother of one
my nephew seventeen honor student in a
reputable school yet lives in a dysfunctional
home front
His father lives with her and son and divorced
but there to help
I intent today was to bring her to a meeting
Did not happen
Maybe next Sunday
Where is my blessing
By her calling
Looking for answers and healing
To be able to speak of the Great I Am
Brother Jesus his mother Mary
Oh how great it was to connect
understand our lives realize our life
as children was not of normalcy
for she too experienced did not only
happen to me but also her
And when all hell broke loose for myself
as my birth parent was in denial at the
expense of her children
It was when her now ex-husband she still lives
with
Caught him learing at my then twelve years old
and to boot I had a few good glasses of red wine
in me
It was one of the few TRULEY bad storm
enough of that turd from my own father
SICK SICK SICK
And this be the reason of staying single meant for
me after my divorce why I still am single
Blessed I am to have had some knowledge of my
own personal experience
It took her to tell my birth parent it happened too her
How phethic
SAD SAD SAD
I always knew my birth parent was selfish even making him
a father she had trouble getting pregnant
And then I was born
Am I bad mouthing her
No
It is the truth
The blessing
I can be there for her hope to help her
and bring her to a meeting a twelve step program
and begin there
It was so good to talk
actually listened
This be a very important
And I can

My baby girl Corissa
a decision very difficult to do
however with the help and the
only ones qualified to make any kind
of assment it would be from them
and we all agree
I received a call from her father
told him of my decision and he supports it
Because of certain situation beyond my control
and the school failing not only my daughter but my
personal constant contact with guidence counselor
teachers who took my concerns to heart
but when a child does not show up as she would
rather hang out and socialize in lunch or in school suspension
classes and worry about being accepted the clothing that was
an issue as uniforms are the conditions and her challenging
the school rules by changing her clothes into what others wore
so she would argue with me until I gave up as the others made it
impossible for me to challenge even though I brought it to the
attention to the adults that did diddly squat
So Ged next step with a part-time job as all the trials
failed including her father
Only now is he taking me seriously
just four years too late
Now he understands the mistake the iPhone
was the first MAJOR MISTAKE and bet too agreed

Blessed to have a strong persona
only those who TRULEY know me
take it seriously
others will difine me as a *itch
and that's fine
they are of not my concern
and no person will interrupt her
progress and be that strong independent
self sufficient and love her job
This is my job to help her
I also made it clear how the school
failed me
Do we not follow the rule
"No child left behind"
I make no excuses for my daughters behavior
And I am very aware where she needs help
by the grace of God
We as a strong family will do all we can to guide
her
She understand she HAS TO PUT IT INTO PLAY
Not PAUSE MODE
I shall give her last summer as a teenager
Come September she will be a teenager living
in the adult world
Father Jesus Mother Mary
I trust your guidence
May we PREVEIL in this situation
Thank you for my blessings I receive on a daily basis
Amen!

Eva, as always, I read your posts and I am moved beyond tears for all that you endured as a child, a teenager, a young mother, a motivated divorcee to a passionate adult and now as a grandmother. You have faced much adversity in the short time you have been on this earth. We are blessed to have you share your experiences in such an honest and forthright manner and humbled by your reverent faith in the almighty. There are many who would let their faith be overcome with bitterness for all you have experienced. I confess in the beginning when I first began to read your posts I found them confusing, but as I began to understand your style of writing and the manner in which you approached taboo subjects I came to appreciate and understand the vastness of time that weighs heavily on your mind and soul. I wish heartily I could wave a magic wand and release you from your burdens as I'm sure many of our fellow NT"rs would. I know however that wishes rule only in a fantasy land, and in that land, I would not have had my life enriched by the pleasure of coming to know and understand you. I truly hope your children awaken soon to the wonderful woman they have in their life and begin to show you the compassion and appreciation you deserve.

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

bless i am to feel your love and understanding
you figured out the puzzle
as i am in hope that my open life
free me of the hardest pain ever
to let go of your mother
you have the key to my stone heart
you have been paying attention
oh how free it feels that i feel
understood
i the female version of Forest Gump
all about family
and all the stories to tell

PamelaJune
you have touch me like no other
in a long time
i am in awe
you figured me out
all of it
thank you for the honor of you
words of understanding and encouragement
the best i could hope for is reaching another
as i did you
i am moved beyond words
and what i wish for you in your life
with all you meet
all not by chance
my signs from up above are real
i tell you with no doubt
our God as you choose to have Faith in
as no one can ever deny
Jesus Christ walked this earth
human he was
and if in the present world
would be in awe of what he left behind
free will
our sin taken and forgiven
gave us kindness goodness love of
your neighbor
his father the Ten Commandments
his son the Lords Prayer
i wish you a speedy recovery
in our pain
Jesus my Brother has carried me
without doubt
i give my honesty when i speak to the
world
many here with unspoken understanding
many here have compassion like no other
many here suffer as we understand pain
the thaught to die on a physical level
and to die spiritually hurts me so
it is awfully hard to hang on some days

i want to say
thank you
for the world to see
it matters
we matter
just hanging on
until things ease up a bit
never will i entertain the evil
that lurks never

may your day be extra in everything
that is good

know you made this very proud mimma (grandma)
a happy amount of tears
tears of love happiness
has found that little girl inside me
at fifty three and helped heal her
in the most profound way
i will never forget how i felt
reading your words

Blessings to you and your loved ones
thank you for my Blessing

wishing all a belly laugh
in your day
amazed
me

Father

my pain wakes me
by the thumping of
my body parts
hips knees ankle even
feet
my fingers mummified
in pain
my heart bleeds for my broken
children
it pains me so
she is home with baby
could not stay away
and had no where to go
how can i turn my back on my child
or grandchild
i can't
it comes with so much suffering
it hurts so badly
how is it i knew she would have this
personality
i seen it as a baby
she knew how to manipulate
well and my birth mother
help her sharpen it
not in a good way
her and her now ex-husband
now live in boyfriend
not my father
i can't
i will always be there
always
me
help me Father

Father
Mother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

so we get a chore out of the way
food shopping
and oh the fun she had
and i get to watch
her as both my older children
were given a list of things to get
myself and Eva were in the produce
section of the store and where the
food court was and she was so special
with her shopping cart
what a blast
how well she behaved
it was the grownups i wanted to punch
both my older children
Corissa to Eva
is Christine to Corissa
it is incredible
the bickering
back and forth
and i hear Christine
be upset with the baby
telling her to pick up her toys
makes me so upset
that i just want to punch
one of them

we come home and she still
is helping mimma
put the grocery away
while the sisters bicker

this baby has a blast
she is going to bake a cake today
with mimma a birthday cake
we had pancakes for dinner the other night
and i had her come in on her stool
crack the eggs in a separate bowl
and the melted butter i put in the batter
she through in her love
and cinnamon we love that spice
in all baking goods

but the excitement
as she builds me a cake out
of her legos
she says
"mimma, we're going to make a real cake
with the eggs and shell right?

this is what its all about
and the sisters are still bickering
on and on and on and on
and Eva gets it
i pay close attention
nothing passes me up

and i need to put it into perspective
get order in ones house
make them understand i am
HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD PERIOD
this my mother daughter
doesn't get it yet
she best get a picture
of the real thing
and leave Corissa out of any Bull Turd
there will be order and respect
i my love of my Father
please help me guide them
and not let them take advantage
of me purposely
this is what i shall do today
blessing to be thankful for
Brother hold me up
Amen!

Eva, I am so touched and mentally moved by your words. PamalaJune covered them so well there isn't much else to say. Let me share with you what I saw with my minds eye as I read your words. I saw a lady reaching out to share her joys and sadness of over five decades on this earth. A person who gave of herself freely when others failed to fulfill there responsibilities to men and ladies alike. When they didn't or were not able to be a mom or dad caregiver or provider, you took on the task expecting nothing in return. You must have the broadest shoulders Eva to carry so many tasks. You performed when others failed.


You took me from Africa as a little girl that did not have a great childhood by any means to New Jersey as a Grandmother [ proud Grandmother ] The journey as I saw it was filled with a heavy load for you and at the many crossings you encountered . You take on the burden of your daughter and hope for success this time and we also pray she can go the 12 steps and stay in the program and possibly ease your burden some. I think we all know how difficult it is to raise a teenager especially a girl. They are so trendy and have to be with the "style" of the day. When we cut them loose we pray they will remember their teaching and morals as they journey into a world that can be very very hard. You have had so many lows and highs Eva. You didn't have a good Father figure or a good husband and had to fill both duties. It makes me almost cry as PamelaJune stated. I was blessed with a fantastic lady that has been by my side through my whole trip with our marriage and RSD. I would not be here now if not for her. I know you are against another marriage but a good soul mate is a good thing Eva. Just like RSD, never give up hope. You are a precious and great lady Eva, your posts inspire me. I pray that your prayers are answered and your days go well.

My blessing is easy. I am blessed to wake up every day and I thank GOD for that every day also. My hands and feet don't work as they used to but my eyes never changed. I have watched my children get married, enter the business world, buy homes, have children [ our grandchildren ] and watch the third generation grow up. What more could I ask for? I went through the pity parties and mourning and depression [which I still battle] and have left most of that in the past. I can't change the past. Hugs to you and yours Eva, may your days be smooth as glass for a change.

You already know I feel the same as krow does about you. You take burdens to God, and give freely to all that know you. Thank you for being my friend too. ginnie