What will it take
How is this allowed
I cannot say or do anything
I must stay strong
I have to be subjected to more
heart ache and pain
Physical and mental
The vicious cycle of
Addicition
Why oh why is this process
for her so so difficult
I don't get it
Why can't it be a working on progression
Slowly step by step
I offered her a place to stay until
she can get a routine going
No
What happened she hooked up with
a fellow addict at her job
She has been let go of her job
She has reached the age of my entering AA
a place where you will not be judged
by true fellow addicts
It is a burden for me to take Meds
It is a way of life for myself
A easy target
Govenor of my state concerned about
the fight against prescription drugs and the
abundance of herion use in this area
And we hear about all the "stars" passing
from the misuse of drugs
Why is it so complicated for some to
get sober
I hate
yes I know impeccable with my words
I hate that I am so ill I have to be a slave
to very strong addictive medicines
In school
My child exposed to the drugs I take
is the new street drug

How much more must I have to endure
I had enough already
Will I ever get the chance to live
Walk truely walk again
Just my luck
I would need a miricle
A true miricle

I am not a happy individual
I am lonely
The so called friends dwindled
I am unable to change many things
But can accept the trials and tribulations
To one day be free from having to fight
all the demons away
To be a grandmother oh sweet Brother
thank you for carrying me when I couldn't walk anymore
My anger must subside
I must give over what I cannot handle
I must
Me

i already asked my doc
if i feel this badly
in this dark place
i can't seem to kick its butt
it is more in my life then out
what am i doing to myself
i must follow thru
one way or another
and its killing me
sucks the life out
when i don't get the help i need
i will have a long week
thanks to laziness

WHEN DAMAGE IS DONE

finally
i find my 16 year old
cuts herself
cutting out all the crap
iv'e been telling her father
you need to step up
i need his help to get her
where she needs to go

i am sickened
how all are low libido
input in a place my child is in
eight hours a day five days a week
keeping in contact with all who are responsible
to helping her make it the next four years
exciting and interesting
help when needed
i understand
my child is responsible for her
choices and actions
but i ask you
is that reason to push them in
a cage of looser
no one is a looser
they are troubled
speaking for my child
my personal experience
the logo
"no child left behind"
means nothing
too much trouble helping
the troubled
mental health issues
my daughter does not know
how to displace her anger

BUT I HAD ENOUGH
YESTERDAY WAS IT

there "is" a twelve week program
every Wednesday about a forty minutes
away this is where dad comes in
to drive her and
bring her home

i am disgusted

this was an option
never aware of it
this shows how insignificance
the lack of care to educate me of
the availability
a program she will be addressing all of the issues
at hand including drugs and alcohol and self mutilation
a direct result of not knowing how to displace
or defuse it
it turns out she just got her period
many persons do not understand this and
its affect on a woman's psyche
she as her sister who made me mimma
as i watch her as mom cleans up Her act
this the one my sixteen year old looked up to
and has picked up were the other left

when will mental illness
including a woman's menstrual
cycle

i know what i'm talking about
i i product of what is confirmed
a woman's cycle is a huge factor
nuf said
me

she will be reinstated on my short lived private insurance
April and my Angel is to take the anti-depressant
should i begin and not know what will happen
i called the number behind the Medicare card and asked
what do i do when my primary ends
she said because i'm in the system
to call the first of April and i and my child
will be covered
i'm going to have to call the number again
i'm confused
will the meds be covered
i can't have her start some med that will cause withdrawal
nor myself for that matter
to go into uncharted waters
frighting
the program is helping
but put on the back burner
her dad is on vacation and was her ride
and Father you know
there isn't anyone else
this is not a good thing
needs to be seen by shrink in a month
he's not back till the 12th
e v e r y t h i n g just s u c k s in this
very important situation
and what Father
i'm not to worry for us
leaving ALL up to You
have My Faith be put in Your
hands is what i am not doing
there is always something terrible
is on its way
it's just the way it is
it is what it is
i am to be grateful in everything
i am in it is
what a way to live
with a gray cloud over ones
my shrinks says
"one thing for certain"
no lie
"you just haven't gotten a break"
and
"they need you"
this i know
there is no option
now this new situation
what happens when i loose my insurance
and my job
my livelihood is finite
i will try not to be sad
let me Trust
i rebuke any evil that is
penetrating and invading our life
in Jesus name
come into my heart
be thankful for your family eva

I'm really tired that just because I got the implant put in that people think that I'm cured and look at me like I'm faking when I'm in pain. I can't use the implant all the time. It feels good and all but it's really distracting and I can't focus on what I need to focus on when I'm working.

I'm really tired of my asshole boss his little minion Lew that throws me under the boss any chance he gets and continues to call me a cripple and ***** for sitting down when I need to, just because I'm the youngest in the wood shop, and the other perfectly healthy 40 year old dude can stand all day. WELL GOOD FOR HIM, I WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT.

I know that I'm doing pretty well considering the stage of RSD that I'm in. But I'm tired of having to take care of everyone. I have this curse and I still drive my own truck and I still work a 40 hour work week and it ****ing sucks, it's horrible. But I don't have a choice, I have to work. I have to be able to pay the bills and eat. But the main part of it is, is that I'm tired of being the only one in the house hold that's actually responsible. I'm the only one of the three total people in the house that pays bills and buys food. Oh and I'm also again the youngest. 27 year old taking care of a 30 and a 38 year old, who both have full time jobs like me, but **** off bills that keep a roof over their head because they're idiotic selfish human beings.

Mostly I'm just tired of being taken advantage of. I know that I'm too nice and that I do a lot for people. But I do actually like to help people. Like if I give you gas money for taking me somewhere, Don't buy cigarettes with it. That's shitty.

I'm also really scared that I'm going to be alone. And I'm depressed that I'm alone. Because since the surgery I feel pretty good, and a lot more confident at that, but as soon as someone finds out that I have a medical Implant, they're like "**** this dude" god forbid they find out what it's for. I just want the opportunity to be able to spend my life with someone who I can actually believe that they have feelings for me. That would be pretty awesome.

I'm tired that my folks are up my *** about everything I do because they're so right winged republican that it makes my head hurt. Yes mom, I smoke weed. It's pretty cool, it makes my mind slow down and it makes my leg not hurt. Also gives me a pretty descent appetite when I'm in to much pain to eat. I know that I'm asking for it if I'm the one that told them, but they're still dumb, but of course, I still love them.

And I'm tired of being tired all the time. which is one thing that I can do something about here pretty soon.

Good night all and thanks for listening to me *****!

Sorry, I forgot that you can't cuss on this forum.......my bad

But, we do get the point Luthier. IT....the stuff which brings us through pain to this place is a rotten deal, but with one another and the therapies we thankfully receive many of us do live better than we would otherwise live. I feel blessed.

It is a good result......over all.
Thanks again,
M56

hi mr. lonely

yup
izzzzzzzzzzz concur
and although my status sucks lemons
when i get ****** off enough
i get the job at hand done
something that would take five minutes before i got ill
now might take twenty minutes or a half hour
and at these times i at my worst in all important
might i ask how old are you
ever married
i too wonder if ill be alone when this cookies time comes
wishing you a better way of thinking about such things
it sucks
life isn't fair
however Jesus Christ i ask to carry me
carry my family
the little precious baby
the baby
it will be amazing
a new fresh beginning
keep the Faith
will pray
Amen

Dear friend

you have managed to sum it up with two letters

somewhere yesterday

somewhere on the forum

in caps

the word

"DO"

the inability to just do
know your word with a few other
writers
the sermon ended with
you may have been hurt by your
parents
loved onessssssss
friends
church
my illnesses
my childhood
i want to have and live with
no more excuses
not to wait and get angry only to hurt myself even more

it is all about not being able to just

do

you take care
i'm not standing at the edge of my cliff
thank you
in Jesus name
me