she will be reinstated on my short lived private insurance
April and my Angel is to take the anti-depressant
should i begin and not know what will happen
i called the number behind the Medicare card and asked
what do i do when my primary ends
she said because i'm in the system
to call the first of April and i and my child
will be covered
i'm going to have to call the number again
i'm confused
will the meds be covered
i can't have her start some med that will cause withdrawal
nor myself for that matter
to go into uncharted waters
frighting
the program is helping
but put on the back burner
her dad is on vacation and was her ride
and Father you know
there isn't anyone else
this is not a good thing
needs to be seen by shrink in a month
he's not back till the 12th
e v e r y t h i n g just s u c k s in this
very important situation
and what Father
i'm not to worry for us
leaving ALL up to You
have My Faith be put in Your
hands is what i am not doing
there is always something terrible
is on its way
it's just the way it is
it is what it is
i am to be grateful in everything
i am in it is
what a way to live
with a gray cloud over ones
my shrinks says
"one thing for certain"
no lie
"you just haven't gotten a break"
and
"they need you"
this i know
there is no option
now this new situation
what happens when i loose my insurance
and my job
my livelihood is finite
i will try not to be sad
let me Trust
i rebuke any evil that is
penetrating and invading our life
in Jesus name
come into my heart
be thankful for your family eva

I'm really tired that just because I got the implant put in that people think that I'm cured and look at me like I'm faking when I'm in pain. I can't use the implant all the time. It feels good and all but it's really distracting and I can't focus on what I need to focus on when I'm working.

I'm really tired of my asshole boss his little minion Lew that throws me under the boss any chance he gets and continues to call me a cripple and ***** for sitting down when I need to, just because I'm the youngest in the wood shop, and the other perfectly healthy 40 year old dude can stand all day. WELL GOOD FOR HIM, I WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT.

I know that I'm doing pretty well considering the stage of RSD that I'm in. But I'm tired of having to take care of everyone. I have this curse and I still drive my own truck and I still work a 40 hour work week and it ****ing sucks, it's horrible. But I don't have a choice, I have to work. I have to be able to pay the bills and eat. But the main part of it is, is that I'm tired of being the only one in the house hold that's actually responsible. I'm the only one of the three total people in the house that pays bills and buys food. Oh and I'm also again the youngest. 27 year old taking care of a 30 and a 38 year old, who both have full time jobs like me, but **** off bills that keep a roof over their head because they're idiotic selfish human beings.

Mostly I'm just tired of being taken advantage of. I know that I'm too nice and that I do a lot for people. But I do actually like to help people. Like if I give you gas money for taking me somewhere, Don't buy cigarettes with it. That's shitty.

I'm also really scared that I'm going to be alone. And I'm depressed that I'm alone. Because since the surgery I feel pretty good, and a lot more confident at that, but as soon as someone finds out that I have a medical Implant, they're like "**** this dude" god forbid they find out what it's for. I just want the opportunity to be able to spend my life with someone who I can actually believe that they have feelings for me. That would be pretty awesome.

I'm tired that my folks are up my *** about everything I do because they're so right winged republican that it makes my head hurt. Yes mom, I smoke weed. It's pretty cool, it makes my mind slow down and it makes my leg not hurt. Also gives me a pretty descent appetite when I'm in to much pain to eat. I know that I'm asking for it if I'm the one that told them, but they're still dumb, but of course, I still love them.

And I'm tired of being tired all the time. which is one thing that I can do something about here pretty soon.

Good night all and thanks for listening to me *****!

Sorry, I forgot that you can't cuss on this forum.......my bad

But, we do get the point Luthier. IT....the stuff which brings us through pain to this place is a rotten deal, but with one another and the therapies we thankfully receive many of us do live better than we would otherwise live. I feel blessed.

It is a good result......over all.
Thanks again,
M56

I'm sorry mark, I can't respond to that in a nice manner, for the sake of the other people that belong to this forum, I'll just not respond. Even though I'm kind of responding, by saying that "I'll just not respond."

Five by five
Done

ya know i jumped out of my bed this morning still dark outside
hobbled through the other end of the apartment her room is stationed a bathroom outside her room a beautiful room at that
i walked into her room
started crying
i had forgotten she returned home yesterday
and also forgotten she slept in my bed along with my granddaughter
dear Brother
i can't go through this again
the difference this time i am ill crippled useless
my attitude is as open and honest it can ever get
my eldest so angry at my illnesses

hi mr. lonely

yup
izzzzzzzzzzz concur
and although my status sucks lemons
when i get ****** off enough
i get the job at hand done
something that would take five minutes before i got ill
now might take twenty minutes or a half hour
and at these times i at my worst in all important
might i ask how old are you
ever married
i too wonder if ill be alone when this cookies time comes
wishing you a better way of thinking about such things
it sucks
life isn't fair
however Jesus Christ i ask to carry me
carry my family
the little precious baby
the baby
it will be amazing
a new fresh beginning
keep the Faith
will pray
Amen

Dear friend

you have managed to sum it up with two letters

somewhere yesterday

somewhere on the forum

in caps

the word

"DO"

the inability to just do
know your word with a few other
writers
the sermon ended with
you may have been hurt by your
parents
loved onessssssss
friends
church
my illnesses
my childhood
i want to have and live with
no more excuses
not to wait and get angry only to hurt myself even more

it is all about not being able to just

do

you take care
i'm not standing at the edge of my cliff
thank you
in Jesus name
me

If I have served some small purpose to anyone here, especially someone as Special as you - Then my life has meaning again.

Dave.