I too have struggled with faith, especially as health continues to decline. I am trying my hardes to still latch on to the thread I still have. I went to a concert last night. I went in the wheelchair. It is starting not to bother me as much. I had fun, but watching everyone dance and jump brought me to tears several times. I realize I am lucky to be alive, but I want to be me who was running 5 miles a day not me struggles to walk to the bathroom with tremors and spasms with 2 spinal cord stimulators and pays for any big activity the next day. Today, I'm in bed. I hope to get some of my old life back. I keep filling out apps to teach again, and my husband says when I can't sit up for long periods or walk, it will be near impossible to work the 7-8 hour days teaching requires plus all the extra. I will try and find a way.

Keep swimming is all I say!!

When life filled with pain
seem to struggle in vain
and I fear all of this is just loss

I'm reminded again
survived though lost best laid plans
because driven I look at that cross

Sure the balance is real
not some accident field
where the victims lay about, stricken, lost

So much taken away
wanted just a good day
to be ME, not statistic, not some detritus, dross

Then a plan realized
plan from somewhere, not mine
yes, this life had much value shared oft

So became counselor here
sharing helps, some came near
being challenged found new work and were OFF

Taking talent possessed
spirits lofted, oh yes,
and they all found career, everyone

So, was my turn again
and I lifted the pen
made connections, restored, cobwebs lost

Wanted still to be ME
and in faith looked to HE
who brings HOPE, found that path, no more lost

Yes, my personal tale
and sure others might pale
as they wonder, can I hold to the thought

Life is blessed, yes and more
though 'tis different, come chores
still beyond strength in history caught

So my hands not so strong
and my labors take long
yet the thrill of it helps me along

A new path through this life
love of family, friends, and wife
I am ME, blessed by faith now aloft.


Just a bit of a personal take on journeys we all take. This is.....well.....mine...so I use a wheelchair or a cane, and sometimes take steps unaided. Used to out stride any, and I mean ANY, who tried to walk with me, let alone those who tried to keep up on a mountain bike. This is no longer me. But 'cha know what? The makeup of the individual who resides in this sack of skin is really what it is all about........

Thus, I try..... and you know what? Others who know of my story and the effort made to do what I now can muster are HAPPY to see me in the thick of it again..... SO, MD, naysayers have no place in your skin for they do not have any part of you. You know you. Those who CARE and are around you will think all the better of you that you give so much in spite of your challenges. AND, that glow you receive in your heart accomplishing something which seems worth your while, well, that is a Blessing. Savor it. Roll it around in there and enjoy it. It is yours, wherever it may originate, and it may just originate with a beautiful pucker from your wife as you tenderly kiss. Be Blessed.

Yup,

Mark,

You have achieved inner peace. The Obi Wan Kenobi - i envy your balance. I am not there yet. There is a bit of Vader in me. Forgive the Star Wars allegory - just watched 3 with the kids and that is a damn sad scene when they kill the younglings - i digress.

I have my sights on the Marin County Sprint Triathlon 10/26. 500m swim - can do even in a wetsuit. Brachial plexus will ache, but not with leg fury. 8 mile bike - probable - on restrictions now but paddle ramps UP as i lean forward. 3 mile run after - the true test. If my doc releases me to full activity as tol 2 months post op on 8/21 it is my goal. Just to finish.

I think it's in me. I want it. My D-Day.

Today i was chill - 4 mile walk and beach day. I hate the blasting but must say my boys were perfect. Didn't need to bend at all. They played no fighting collected crabs with their friend. Threw rocks. Thing of beauty.

Love that sharing time with family, participating and watching, taking deep spiritual drafts of the laughter and camaraderie. Our grandson leaning over the transom of the cruiser Friday, wanting to touch the geese, tossing little bread type treats from his pudgy little babe hands. To him EVERYTHING is discovery. All is JOY. He has a constant visage of anticipation displayed on his little guy face. Yeah, you have your Star Wars troop in a good place and although you are Blasting, you are out enjoying them and it is good.

The triathlon, I hope for you it is a goal well met when you achieve something which would have been beyond your reach only weeks ago due to pain. Ain't it Beauteous Though? Life restoratives in measured portions.....not too much so you feel defeat is imminent, but just right so you may Enjoy and grasp Accomplishment?

You, my friend, have Blessings in your life......whatever the source, and your sources seem many.

Great post op with my surgeon. A real caring doctor. Takes one to know one.

Talked with him about how the energy felt angulated down through my legs and cant get feet great. Medtronics reps have been programming with a useless lead not touching dura - he mentioned that today and verified by xray. It explains the difficulty. just not surgically possible for contact.

With CRPS it's kind of all or none. Once the static fades - the burn comes hardcore. A new program created my medtronics rep calls "Bullseye" not incorporating bad lead. Like an *****, I decided to jog 1.5 miles then walk a while and stand for > 2 hours. No pain. Electrical plates beneath my feet.

Ready for a long walk tomorrow to test it for real. I am very optimistic.

No offense to the ladies and religious folks, but my rep is an attractive and super cool lesbian. And I thought there was no god!! I have a bit of a thing for that subgroup - hey I'm only human!

AND, glad you have a good doc on your case. Wondrous.

AND, knowing a good many people who are of the community you describe, Doc, I have experienced good professional care regardless of private life. It matters not. Each of us lives life to which we are appointed and the good thing about this is each are enabled to look out and acknowledge being blessed.

That be good,
Be glad of it,
Yup,

A somewhat tarnished quote especially depending on your political leanings. Myself a true moderate, don't love GWB or BO. That being neither here nor there. Yes this is a success. 7 mile hike 2200 feet pain <3 whole time. Relaxing at a cafe looking forward to meeting family in NE. Pooh AC - if you're out there they are in Gothenberg, NE for the 4th. I see em on the 5th. I do feel blessed. Tears of joy on my hike.

Now THAT is a Blessing. The hike you enjoyed with less than 3 pain. Wow!

The upcoming blessing....... meeting your family out by Nowhere. Wave at Pooh for me will ya? I waved at her figuratively when driving through Nowhere after purchasing a car in WI a couple years back.

Keep up the great Stuff!!

Blessings are cool..... huh?

Just crap on that lead……I know the Medtronic can do that coverage ‘cuz I buzz to my toes.

Great surgeon + great rep===Bullseye…and it is working for you…

Relaxing at a café….

Plenty to celebrate in all that…exhale…lite a sparkler…I am so happy your pain is manageable.

Johanna

Yes. Opening up socially. Feeling more me. It's better to be in pain with others than be alone. For some of my friends, too much. For many, they missed me and I am partway back. Not being able to ski 45 degree avalanche prone slopes not essential. Making off color remarks & bs-ing with buddies- makes you feel human. Have a buddy to "mansit" and beat down my bratty boys - they are just like i was - he's psyched to go precision shoot too. I'm thinking remi 700 tactical .308 - good universal round for mid ranges. Went shopping for cr trip. Got some tight reef shoes that stim handles for me. Cool NORCAL hats for boys. Telling my boss i got this. I'm not doing Ob night shifts any more. This is acceptance. Living. "Blessed"