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overwhelmed ya think
Father
Brother Mother Mary thank you for another day blessings in everything that happens in our day like it or not how many times we have good intentions for the day something always happens to change those intentions nothing "i" can do about it and to make sure i am only responsible what and how i respond what my "babygirl" is up to i have many concerns and it only seems to be important to me and my eldest as she lived with us most of Corissa's grammar school life 7th grade when i became ill oh Father how everything is falling apart why is Corissa behaving as she is i don't get it is everything to be accepted as all is just fine and then not be responsible while home telling her ENJOY YOUR SUMMER when fall comes i expect her to squash her GED Father it is not me i cannot the disease is so magnified and hot in the works its becoming truly draining really |
Father
Bring her home Father Bring her home I beg you bring her home I beg you |
And she is on her way home
Thank you Father Me |
Thanks
Father
Brother Mother Mary Thank you for another day Yesterday by far has been one of the harder ones My child left her home Help her Father So much gone on in her little time on earth It pains me so much to see them hurt I am it to everyone The go to person And then something like yesterday Oh dear God the Almighty Who brings us the promise of lull quietly happy everyone doing awesome no pain suffering I so cannot protect them just be there when need be I wish my had the mental strength to get this world and all that's in it To not run away from the one who loves you To always be certain that you can accomplish anything her heart desires It's the desires strength and hope one has all of us have most of us are afraid not guided given a helping chance To be the best they can be As a little girl I had many monsters And now I have little Eva what else other than the love from mimma is real She holds on to me with such might Builds all kinds of cakes and castles with her Legos a never ending gift She just keeps making me stuff This too I shared with Corissa She is grown into a beautiful daughter her father would tell her she was fat I fat stopped that Oh Father the pain sorrow of the worries she didn't take off Yes I'm talking about young girls you hear leaving home Taking a hitch ride These things do happen Or that she did not go into NYC Her not in school affected her deeply I haven't had a situation as I have here Never was school to have had any action in the adult world a sixteen year old loosing her way in school and I did all I could They failed my daughter Half the security in the school is now working the town pool I yet to have a talk to some who already know me just as a member of the town pool even when living in my forever previous hometown of 46 years the Mayor a friend of mine grew up together watched his mother and father do the same job as my parents Superintendent Just a few blocks from us up the hill Oh Father what was on her mind when she made it down to the Hoboken piers Took the light rail home I just want to cry The unecessary worries that we have going on in our lives Will anyone just stop and listen LISTEN THANK YOU FATHER BRINGING HER HOME SAFE In Jesus Christ I trust Amen |
Oh Eva,
Please tell Corissa I hurt for her too. I know she has so much to offer. Pray she will not waste her "God given talent". I will PM you. Gerry |
She needs to live
Father
Brother Mother Mary Take care of Christine Keep her alive for her baby Watch over her Angles My heart has been shattered for so long I just want to come home I can't stop with this non stop Pain of every kind What am I to do I feel terrible telling my child to leave I had to however badly it hurts To love them is to cry It hurts to cry I can't even do that without it killing me Please keep her safe and close to you Brother hold her tight Don't let evil prevail In the name of Jesus Amen! |
Tested
Father
Brother Mother Mary Another day what have I learned That my anger over so many injustices A judge not to hear the evidence rescheduling because my daughter was misinformed Resulting in us me sitting on a wooden bench for four hours as a result of misinformation To fight a vehicle ticket issued to my daughter handed it to her as I left to find parking Now you wonder What the heck is this one talking about My faith Do I have it To be up at this time as a result of misinformation We go to the parking director on leaving the court in my Old home town of 46 years So I say to the judge it was my car I was gone and after the fact while my daughter on the street awaiting police was issued a ticket THAT WAS OF ADDRESS TWO BLOCKS where we were from A direct indication of being malicious My daughter going to get liquids to take her Meds TWO meter men walk over to the car One says no problem The other ticketed my car just because Car still running me in the driver seat not to be there no more than 3 minutes And it be okay for my boss the Mayor of my home town double park with his driver getting coffee every morning went taking Corissa to school everyday Why are people so mean and cruel Four hour on a bench Ticket handed to my daughter I was not there when it happened looking for parking Judge would not hear my daughter It is rescheduled for another day ALL BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER MISINFORMED THIS THE JUDGE DID NOT CARE TO HEAR SO went to parking authority director WHO FIRST I WAS TOLD WAS NOT AVAILABLE I SAID I'LL WAIT SHE THEN TELLS ME THE DIRECTOR TOOK PERSONAL LEAVE ABRUPTLY CAN YOU IMAGINE SO IM UP I CERTAINLY DID THE FOLLOWING CALLED THE MAYOR MY BOSS A REAMEMED HIM TOLD HIM WHY I COULD NOT SLEEP AS MY PAIN SPEAKS NOW YOU BET YA LEFT THE ONLY MESSAGE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS BEING HANDLED AND MANULIPATED AS MEETING WITH THE DIRECTOR ALMOST A MONTH AGO IT WAS PUT IN WRITING THE REQUEST OF THE TAPE SHOWING THE EVENT AND FOR BOTH METERMAIDS TO BE IN COURT NEITHER OF THE TWO HAPPENED BECAUSE OF MISINFORMATION I AM , !!!!!!!!??????!!!!!!!! FURIOUS AND I ask YOU FATHER WHY WHY ALL THE LIES THE I DON'T CARE ATTITUDE IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM I WON'T LET THIS ONE GO TO TICKET MY DAUGHTER AFTER I MOVED MY CAR I CANNOT SLEEP I HURT SO BADLY HENCE I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT SURE KICK ME WHILE IM DOWN THE JUDGE APPEARED AT 10:30 I WANTED TO SHOUT AND WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE I FELT BEATEN DOWN I WAS AND IT DOES NOT STOP THE THROBBING IS NUTS AND PLEASE JUST BEHEAD ME AS FOR MY LOWER BACK SOMEONE BLOW IT UP I DON'T WANT TO GO ON ANYMORE I AM SO SICK OF THIS WORLD AND WHAT I AM EXPOSED TO GODS PLANET OF EVIL I AM BY FAR NEAR BEING A SAINT BUT THE CONSTANT INJUSTICE TEST ME FATHER PUSH ME OVER THE EDGE I HURT SO BADLY ALREADY I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE MY BODY IS DEAD ALREADY WHAT MORE NO MORE |
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Eva, Wish I had words to soften the overload of emotions you are have been dealt. Pray I will that God will give you the strength to cope with all you are going through. Gerry |
all night long
Father
Brother Mother Mary the process of managing my rage when not on my meds something no one needed to know everything was suppose to be ready it should have been thrown out and i am to shut my brain down while i walk sit lay nothing did i take any meds no i am afraid my body has already built a a tolerance and to walk around and remember what my supervisor now a second title president of the city association "lie" so i could receive comp case fact we will never know if lifting industrial wash bucket and mop wasn't the cause of my neck Father you know how angry i was when my supervisor suggested where is the reward for doing the right thing my body is worth nothing i wouldn't want myself so to be alone seems more and more a reality i do not do well when persons get paid the money and just stand around walk back and forth while waiting for a judge late no apologies what more to have to endure my daughter not getting her turd together become the next reality i have too be what to my grandchild you let the devil mess with over and over and the fact i watched 98% interpreter was necessary my thaught went to what would happen if i needed one brought me back to school no bilingual help for me oh heck no then i think to myself why i walking in the Mayors office there is public information about something next i hear my daughter say where is this in English the fella says turn the sheet of paper a stack of them i take the stack eyeballed it turned a half over in one language and the other in English really i can't believe the mental stress i encountered just because of language barrier on several situations WHY Father the chances of an only space going to see the director and the meter not working my daughter video taped me putting in a second quarter and it was only understood via the video WHY Father to be humiliated when finally before the judge not knowing how to plead i was guilty to a point he just malicious WHY Father i am in a funk long enough and have this added turd to take care of my whole being BROKEN me |
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Eva, While you may be broken; you will fix what is broken in due time. Please hang in there. Love & Prayers, Gerry |
something sparked
my boss
the Mayor called taking care of what was done reaching out to chief of police awaiting call chief of police called director only sent word to him today yesterday she took personal day now i still must go to court will make it be that we be heard first thing and that both meter persons be there assured he would do whatever he could to make it go smooth HE CALLED |
Another painful night
Father
Brother Mother Mary This is another painful night/morning Up a 4:00 with pain On the bowl for a half hour feeling sick and have a day with two of my doctors My shrink and pain Doc There is to much This heart heavy This body awake in throbbing pain Joints a big problem from my fingers to my toes everything inbetween any and all joints Just throb Have at least an hour and half before I take my Meds I believe my tolerance may have been reached I will be talking to my Doc about it Father No more Meds please I beg No more Meds Let this be the only thing I ask Heal me from my pain and sorrow You have my undivided attention I am your child Help me I need you Me |
Father
Father
Brother Mother Mary As my worse fear once again A reality I have now begun for the first time since My regimen was as follows Morning no earlier than 7:00 A.M. 2 30mg 1 1mg Xanax 1 4mg zanaflex 1 20mg tamoxifen (for cancer) Afternoon no later than 2:00 P.M. 2 5mg oxcycodone 2 4mg zanaflex 1 1mg Xanax Evening no later than 7:00 P.M. 1 4mg zanaflex 1 30mg ocxycotin And it is never ever abused I also smoke a plant we are trying to pass To help with my pins and needles most importantly the nausea something that hurts terribley with all the strain on my neck surgery The plate and screws are felt more than I would like And I do understand they are foreign objects They hurt at times My back area is just a big fat mess It hurts to the touch This my friends are mostly about the mechanical problems The throbbing in joints unbearable Wakens me to have no relief and pray The throb stops Some times I feel the throb like right now fade or skip a few beats And when that happens My brain begs it has stopped And then it starts I want to scream No working it out Father my spirit is damaged I know my outcome is not something that will never get any better And this summer is also another indication to how the body has progressed It has not in any way Unfortunately my case is in my family And until a person suffers pain 24/7 you are not qualified they should be counting Ones lucky stars So now my worse fear I will now add ONE MORE 30mg OxyContin at my night time schedule I pray and believe it will do the job So reluctantly I will move forward As there is no return Father I pray you one day lift this pain And heal me Heal me sweet Father Heal this broken heart Watch over my struggling family Keep them safe from EVIL IN JESUS NAME I BELIEVE AMEN! |
Dear Eva
Oh I do hope (and pray) that you can get rested.
Take the damn pill and bless it! You must sleep to manage and think. You must break the pain when possible as prolonged pain will just fry your brain. I know you worry about addiction....the body just builds up a tolerance. No judgement...it just is....you take them for pain not for the high (as if). If you had to increase a med for say like blood pressure...you would just understand that the body needs more of the supplement to manage the ailment. Fear feeds worry to itself and produces the fear.....bless the meds...bless the water...bless your sleep. Dear Eva...know you are in the hands of God and all is as it is supposed to be ... Right now....right here....rest... I very much understand....a long time friend calls me addicted...her looking down on me for being DEPENDENT on a drug has put a real krink in the friendship. Send a PM if you need to let loose. Holding you in Loving Light HB |
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i will do just that like always awesome much love i can take what was said you are sooo right blank those who judge as a recovering addict it is a good kick in the gut thank you friend and God bless You me |
:hug::hug:I love you and it hurts my heart that you are in pain.
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It comes from a loving place Much love in return You understand what happens when the pain takes control Not nice Love Me |
Lifting you, my dear Friend in Prayer
Prayer is what I bring to offer for you
Love fuels it into emergence from within my soul to find ways before the Lord who knows you have needs which only may fully be addressed by His gentle touch thus I pray and pray and more it is hard for you yet, I am buoyed each time I read the claim you assert of blessings which are in you around you flowing over you may you know each moment of each day I am one who lifts you in prayer my dear friend, Mark56 :hug: |
Had a awakening
Father
Brother Mother Mary Thank you for another day My blessings are something I promised myself I would always write once a day here When I started this commitment I had no clue it would be morphed in so many cycles Making it the place I pray Today I pray we all have enough strength for the day For some worse than others This person has only her experience strength and hope to share with like minded people As I want to feel the love of my Father He is the one we all strive to be It is my wish we could understand how all the money in the world could take what I go through on a daily basis My job is still to be a caretaker to my precious grandchild and my babygirl Corissa. Yesterday was the pits with all the evil drama Babies father and mother Tomorrow who why even go there I have today to do the right thing My blessings will come in many forms All I need is peace in my life just tired of it all So for the rest of the world I wish peace in your life Be mindful to others Me |
making the best of it
Father
Brother Mother Mary thank you for another day it is a beautiful sunrise Father fill my Spirit with the Joy of Loving You may it come through to all i meet today my heart is heavy and that be my Cross the pain to bare of my own life Mother i have children who look too me give me the strength to have a good time with my family at the pool today we only have each other to call family they too grow up with such self inflicting problems make them stronger it is one day at a time like anything else we must be happy i Father have been void of happiness and peace the will to go on has become great i turn to you for solace Father Almighty give me strength to want to go on this body feels so old and worn i was the glue that kept the family together Father may my Love of human be ever so strong Life is so unfair this i know to be true you have carried me most my years i ask you more than ever let me Love let me spread your Love carry me you do no way would someone believe all the wrongs that were done to me only you know the truth pain pain go away come back another day i have had many difficult nights my days even harder and i push and i push in the end all i look for is peace not much life left in this achy body until till i run out let my pain be replaced with you Holy Love as i am your child who is looking to her Father for guidance Bless us your Love Amen |
Hi Eva
Hello to all my friends. I have been busy and happy. I do have a medical issue. Have to have the emg on Monday, Eva is already praying. Please keep me in your thoughts as I am afraid. Blessings to all of you. xxxginnie
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Be well friend, think calming thoughts as you close your eyes and breathe in through your nose and exhale softly. Imagine you are surrounded by warmth, floating in the sky blue cosseted by white fluffy clouds, focus on your breathing and repeat in your mind "I will be well". The procedure will be over before you know it. Sending prayers xx
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doctors
Father
Brother Mother Mary thank you for another day Father we have appointments watch over Ginnie after the shrink and pharmacist not knowing for absolute certainty if there is or is not drug interaction while on tamoxifen and zoloft Father be with me while at the oncologist let him want to see me a month and a half earlier let it be about my call to him about the two mentioned drugs don't let me hear anymore bad news let my gut be my Brother Jesus Christ be the sign my gut tells me i'm right my homework tells me i'm right my talk with a representative at a reputable breast cancer site and was told i was right and nice work advocating myself Father may all be good for us too much at one time it kills the Spirit allow me the feel of Your love the touch of that flannel shirt as you hold me the smell of Your Love Brother hold our hands when we in fear of the unknown be still Eva letting my heart heal is to know this doctor cares thanks be to God Mother Mary give me strength to hold this family together with my love heal them allow them the desire to want YOU in their lives in Jesus name Amen |
giving thanks
Father
thank you for the wonderful news i don't know what it is but acquiring another ticket for $47.00 bus stop we looked and checked i do not understand the lesson or humor you find in this Holy Father lock me up in white padded room and throw away the keys why don't ya not so funny i want to say thank you for the love and support as i have needed it over the years my oncologist will be changing my medication i will be on the new one for five years should You keep me around oh dear friends it was ticket included not as bad as it could have been in Jesus name amen |
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thanks alffe
Good thing the EMG was not horrible as I am going to have several more. first didn't identify what was wrong. Go to a hand specialist tomorrow, no doubt for EMG from shoulder to elbow, and neck area. Please pray this isn't from the neck:eek:,, thank you for prayers. ginnie:grouphug:
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your paying attention
hi angel
prayers always we will go through it together as a family who understand even now the wisdom of those here to hold each of us up when we cannot stand alone in spirit in spirit we share the same and we are in it together in Jesus name Amen |
blessings
Father
Brother Mother Mary a day of blessings for all may you spread the Love God has for us we Just have To See may we hold each other up when we need some love and warmth your blessings are real as Jesus Christ is real Mother Mary your Son our Savior i give you thanks I his name Jesus Christ flannel shirt oozing with the smell of LOVE from our Almighty Father amen |
Blessed and Grateful
The morrow brings a time to spend in memory for a recent passed friend.
She was my age. Twelve weeks ago she thought she had the flu. Diagnosis disclosed something entirely else. Aggressive rare ovarian cancer. Now, she is passed onto the path home to the Father. We mourn her departure tomorrow and celebrate the blessing she was to us. Anne was gracious, loving, kind, pleasant, supportive, teaching, funny, professional, reliable, a Mom, a Wife, a friend to so very many. She remains my friend. I am blessed to have been numbered among her close people along the path of her earthly journey. Fare well, Anne. For now you are missed. Always loved. I just had to share this BLESSING with all of you. We each have the time, however brief to bring blessings to others, if even only just to wave a pedestrian on safely in front of our vehicle as we patiently wait their safe crossing. Blessings abound. Anne blessed me. May each of you experience blessings tomorrow. I know I will. Love, Mark56 :grouphug: |
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Thank you..... and Ginnie? Praying you will not have any neck issues revealed by your EMG testing. Praying indeed. Love, Mark56 |
Hi All my friends....
Well I have some issues. The EMG didn't show anything. So I have been referred back to my Neurologist who did my last spinal fusion. I have to have an MRI and rule out my neck. I can't, won't have any more surgery. I pray that this is not what this is. My neck does not hurt very much and has not since my surgery, so I can't believe this is what is wrong with my arm and hand. The other mentioned was RSD. I am not going to freak just yet. My son does not believe this is either of those things. The joint in my elbow feels stretched, pins and needles, down to my right hand. Ten's unit turned on too high kind of feelings. I will do PT as if this is an injury after the MRI. Not pleased to be running up the medicare bill either. I know all of you pray, we will for each other. I am happy despite these issues, which is a new experience all together. I am not going to let depression back into my life. If I have to learn to live with this new pain so be it. xxxginnie:grouphug:
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as test get tougher
Father
Brother Mother Mary a beautiful journey to you Anne Father as situations test my tolerance i fail on some level it is difficult to go up against corrupt inept workers tat cause hardship to me directly my pushing my way through evil all around is a difficult task and because of devious manipulation on so many levels i was force to pay a $110.00 dollar ticket and because the parking authority director is at this direct convenience one of the two parking meter ticket persons was on vacation therefore the temporary persons in charge of making sure all was ready for court only to find out he too was on vacation now dear Father i am forced to pay this ticket because "I" did not call 5 days earlier to reschedule the date 22nd came with a message the day before his working day so i was unable to speak with him as he requested i only called 21st to make sure all was ready Father i did all i could do why the outcome i feel failed by doing the right thing where is the punishment where it belongs why such inadequate morons that cost me unnecessary pain anguish a system played i had no choice but to pay the $110.00 ticket Father how can such utter evil take over i am but your child living hanging on by a thread of faith for i know there is suppose to be a lesson to be had and the only thing is to humble myself and accept it help me with that i'm having a real hard time Father i want to get well as well as you will let me please help in Jesus name Amen |
it's another day
Father
Brother Mother Mary pain is lifted a bit i am able to sleep through the night my lack of mobility sucks as you know my mental state and i just doing what i can Brother hold me up i need your help my mind is weak my spirit weak my body weak when will i feel happiness peace love will it be when i die Father i don't like what i feel it is with me always now lift this heavy heart in Jesus name Amen |
so many reaching out for you Father
Father
Brother Mother Mary thank you for another day dear Father i have the ability to witness the power of your being the yearning for one to feel You dear Father allow this human being who is suffering in pain and call out your name i ask you allow him to experience your touch where he can see and listen that it is coming from You in Jesus name i ask my daughter who is trying to put her life together looking for you let her feel your love while i watch her baby your divine intervention for a reason i'm on leave from my job and have custody of my granddaughter for God is in control of this biggie it's in his hands i am Gods child doing my motherly duties in Jesus name Thank You Father watch over my family let them look for You Amen |
i need You more than ever
Father
Brother Mother Mary dear Father i pray i need you today the storm is rough my crew all abandon my heart stripped fill it with the joys only you know how to fill last night cried so much got sick as ever up all night waiting she left to get the laundry downstairs at 11:00 yesterday morning and hasn't come home yet help me be strong Jesus hold me up i need you now more than ever in Jesus name |
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reading my mind
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HB |
it's kicking my butt
Father
Brother Mother Mary thank you for another day today i will have all my family with me minus my boy to the pool we go mommy and her four babies only they aren't babies anymore but for Eva my mind my soul troubled with the constant fear of what's going to happen next there is no sense of ease i miss my dog so badly he would be loving this sad body my dog i miss him terribly Father may Your Spirit be felt as i have a day with my girls Brother come into our day pull us closer in every way as i speak of the Father to my dear family here on NT may your days be filled with happiness laughter joy to all for my friends who understand me for the ones who suffer in more ways than one may Jesus Christ our Savior God the Father be forever present in our lives having Faith is the only way i pray for anyone who feels alone know you are never alone it is a difficult road i travel and i need help Brother help me help us thank you Mother thank you i Jesus name amen |
we went nowhere
Father
Brother Mother Mary my child to my granddaughter was high in no condition to be with her daughter the wish was broken my eldest driven home and we just came back home it was a very sad tearful day i called her this morning we shall try it again today no sense in asking for your blessing my wish was broken i have no one my family broken into thousands of pieces my memories mostly horror stories makes me think my past lineage must have done something awfully terrible and we all suffer Father let this not be so i am a sane person living an insane life save my children spare them we are going to try this again minus one of my girls Father keep a close watch over all of us in the name of Jesus Christ amen |
Praying Blessings For You
Dear Eva-
So much need in those whom you love and then there is the need you know as well May you be blessed, this is my prayer in all things in family who to this day to things which are beyond comprehension in your body that pain be pushed away in your spirit that it be buoyed up by the Father who watches over us and may you feel the comfort of being held in the familiar soft flannel shirt covered arms of His surrounding love Amen, M56:hug: |
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