(((Frank))), everyone is different and there ability to do things isn't the same (even day to day).
Here is our house I'm the one that's ill but still most days my DH can't keep up with me, he needs more sleep than I do, he can't walk as long as I can, etc. but I NEVER feel like I deserve better. Don't keep this bottled up inside, just be honest with Debbie on how you feel.
I have come to grips with Life Isn't Fair, I feel like I really have been cheated out of a Real Life, at the age of 34 I have been ill as long as I can remember BUT I'm still here, I'm not dyeing and have a wonderful family (well great kids and great DH, forget the rest of the family, LOL). I'm sure this is making me a better person some how.

Well Frank, I was going to write you but everything that has been said here is what I would write to you. They are all so right and you deserve Deb as much as she deserves you.

I have been married 23 years Frank and it hasn't been easy or hard. We compliment each other and listen, sometimes Jim not being able to do things gives me a break from having to do them! lol

Jim feels bad when I don't get to do some things because he can't do them but I would never even think of it. Why? Because if I did it I would feel bad because he can't do it. Where is the fun in that?

Now comes the lecture my dear. You should really think about a scooter to ride on. When Jim first got his scooter he was thrilled and was able to last much longer with it when out with me. I enjoyed myself more because he enjoyed himself more. Yea it sucked at first and he felt bad about it. BUT, when he was able to go and pick out his new scooter he had a blast choosing options. lol His whole life opened up Frank. He was able to go where he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted without getting tired or fearing a fall. Sometimes I even hopped on the back to ride. We would have fun thinking of all the options like Harley D stripes and such. lol

My point here is for you to stop thinking about what Deb deserves. I know you mean well but I think she would tell you what I am about to tell you. IF SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE SHE WOULDN'T BE THERE. If she wanted someone new, don't you think she could have done that already? If she were unhappy, don't you think you'd know that?

I cannot tell you how many times I had to tell Jim to knock off the pity party about ME. I told him no one, including him, could get inside my head to know what was going on. All he had to do was look in my eyes and know where my heart was. No one could replace my Jim ever. I didn't marry his legs, arms, bladder, nerves, etc...I married his heart. OK, maybe his eyes too but that's beside the point. lol

Now, go and seek out Deb and tell her how your feeling. Be ready to duck if she gets frustrated and tries to yell in your ear to get your attention. haha Swallow up that sadness and guilt over what you cannot do and find the things you can do together as a couple. The hardest part of being disabled is letting go of what you used to do. You can still do some of those things but in a different way. If Deb tells you she loves YOU believe her. :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug:

Ohhhh listen to Sandy....I LOVE LOVE my scooter, plus if someone is particularly rude or nasty....I can sidle up next to them and accidentally bump them or back into them.....Oh MY GOODNESS I AM SOOOO SORRY!! LoL Love it!

NAENAE! - You are quite the mood. LOL. So your the one that ran over me in the store. :D I agree though. A scooter really would help with mobility and conserving energy for other things.

I... am...exhausted...
 

Frank, I just read all of the posts from yesterday and today. I can't really add anything to what has been said except to tell you how much your posts mean to me and all of us here. You constantly bring a smile to my face and I am sure Deb feels the same way. You are always telling all of us to take it easy, but it seems you have trouble taking your own advice.;)

Nae Nae -- Watching out for you.:eek:

My Update: Fatigue is a bit better today. My leg (sounds like I only have one) and back seem about the same. Went to Wal Mart a little while ago and had some trouble getting around. Guess I should try one of those store scooters too. Going over to a friend's house for Mexican dinner tonight. I might even drink a margarita.:yahoo:

Remind me to wear knee pads the next time I go to the store - LOL :D

thank you everybody, its not diamonds i want to give her, its nice long loving walks in the forest with autumn leaves painting the sky with a multitude of colors, go to the county fair and last more than 30 minutes, it sucks its not fair for her, i wanted to be so much more for her, i was suppose to take care of her

i know kelly what you mean too

its just hard for me to accept i cant be me anymore i always did for others always giving, thats what and who I am, or at least was,

everyone thank you it just hurts inside

thanks we both had a talk tonight trying to explain to her what i am going through inside this hollow melon i call a head,

thank you everyone :hug:

Frank,

I can tell from what I see on here that you're an awesome husband. I understand what you mean about you wish you could do more for your wife. I wish I could do more for so many people, not just DH. You got some great replies here. FranksAngel is one lucky gal, and I'm sure she knows that. :hug:

A little update on me...

Our oldest son's birthday is today, he's 27. :) He was busy tonight, but he and his brother will be home tomorrow for homemade beef stew and a homemade bread we call Eucharist bread. It's from a recipe that our youngest got at religion class in 2nd grade. (He'll be 25 next month!)

Also, I have a very old Betty Crocker cookbook and made a homemade cake recipe called Bonnie Butter. Tomorrow I'll make a French silk frosting to go on top. :p :p :p

The bread is easy, and the beef stew is in the crockpot. The cake is done.

Whew!! Mom is tired!!! But it will be a nice dinner tomorrow.