Wow....what beautiful, strong women you three are! I am in awe & can't even imagine how you have had the strength to go through your life's circumstances.

I'm a fairly new Grandma & I look at this beautiful baby & pray that he grows up healthy & with good character. I pray for his parents too, that if anything ever happens to him, they will have the grace & strength that you guys have.

God Bless

Hi.

You are coming across just fine. The point I am trying to make is that there are so many different diagnoses and disorders, and that specialists (who really don't know the answers), well, they tell you to do this and do that, and you try it all, and you still don't get the end result you expected.

When all of us initially became parents, we all had the same expectations. We look at them in the crib, we go 'aaaaaaawwwwwhhhh", how cute, and we live in THAT moment. And why shouldn't we? It's the only moment we have at that time.

We enjoy their fingers and their toes, and their oohs and aah's when we enter their bedrooms. And their little smiles. And their accomplishments, both little and big.

All of us think that "our child is going to be the one who does this in life, or does that in life". "our child won't do anything hurtful or bully, or become addicted, or act out, etc. ". Why would we think this?? No reason to. We have this little precious person, and we expect all good things will happen.

The only thing is that there are so many things in play BEFORE WE HAVE THE CHILD, that should be taken into consideration. I never knew this. We had no idea about genetics, or hereditary conditions, or anything like that.

Today, we know more, and thankfully so. We can get much of the information we need to get (well at least as much as we can get), before we decide to bring a life into the world. I think this is a very big decision that two people can make. I know many couples who have done this, checked their genealogy, and because they discovered so many conditions, well, they decided that they would rather adopt (I know, you take a chance on that too!!) but they figured "we know what's in our background, we'd rather not have a child possibly inherit these conditions". Things like Huntingtons, and the genes for Taysachs, that's why some people opt to go for genetic testing.

We didn't have any of that way back then.

I know people who choose to remain childless because they don't want to take the chance. And that's their decision.

I have no idea why there are so many disorders, and conditions that are affecting these young children today. Whether it's biological, genetics, environmental factors, whatever!!!! You have dominant genes, and recessive genes. Two people get together and who the heck knows which genes will rule the empire??

But thankfully, with technology, blood tests, gene testing, and the like, you have a better chance at knowing what you face, if you DO decide to make that decision.

And thank god, there are various therapies. And support groups.

God only knows where my husband and I would be today, if we had not gone to these support groups and met people in the same situation that we found ourselves in.

There can be no blame in anyone's situation, because everybody's situation is unique.

And the really puzzling thing is the Aspergers diagnosis. I have no idea why they think this is a form of Autism. I read all about Hans Asperger. And I read that Bill Gates has Aspergers. I know the guy on Boston Legal (Hands) is supposed to have Aspergers, and my son acts NOTHING like this man.

I've been told that Aspergers is also a spectrum, that there are different versions of Aspergers, that there are mild cases, and there are severe cases.

Oh my!!! now we have different cases of Aspergers?????

And then there's the basic PDD-NOS - Pervasive Development Disorder - Not otherwise Specified. I remember asking the behavioral therapist: 'What the heck is PDD-NOS???

And he said "oh, we use that when we don't know exactly what is wrong with the child". Good grief.

Will parents ever get a real answer?? I always wonder.

All we can do is the best we can do with the hands we are dealt.

And reach out and try to help each other.

I try and do this every day. That's why I have my own Aspergers Forum. And we have our own resident Aspies who regularly visit and give me a piece of their mind. lol

Melody,

That is the reason i posted.

I knew that unfortunately there would be someone who has had experience with this and who could share some insight .

i know what i'm getting into, i have no easy answers.

My daughters ped has said she is not your typical case, her child psychologist said thursday that she is regressing..... so i will take it day by day .

I know it will be difficult.


KINCH 52


Thanks for the kind words, i'm just taking it day by day, minute by minute

You are coming across just fine. OH GOOD :D

The point I am trying to make is that there are so many different diagnoses and disorders, and that specialists (who really don't know the answers), well, they tell you to do this and do that, and you try it all, and you still don't get the end result you expected.

Exactly: Your whole post reeks of so much truth in our cases!

I was thinking that while I was doing dishes :p that so many factors do come into play. Such as:

1. I wouldn't trust a therapist that does not have their own children. They can't possibly relate. In fact, if their children have issues, all the better!

2. As parents, we respond differently to our childrens behavior. Since I am ADHD, I get where my DD is coming from. I can relate. I believe this was helpful in getting through to her. I have a friend with an ADHD child, and it's her ex-husband that has the ADHD. She has had much more difficulty dealing with this than I did. In fact, she loads the ritilin on him 80 mgs a day :eek: I feel for the poor kid. Futher, since he is like his father (her ex) I think she has resentment. Not a good thing when dealing with kids like this.

Both parents in the home, working together, not defending behavior...all important factors.

I have to clarify something I said earlier: About consequences....thats not what I ment. YES!! ALL children need consequences. I learned other ways to inforce them. DD used to talk on the phone all night. Took away the phone....pretty simple, and common. I was taught other ways, that at the moment I can't come up with an example....sorry....trying to finish my thought here.

Further, these kids have to learn they can't get away with things just because they throw a tantrum. I was taught to actually walk away when the tantrum started. TALK ABOUT HARD! Sometimes she would scream for hours. It got better. God that was hard! Then when she composed herself....I was taught to go to her, and change the moment. Start to play a game....go to the park. But not until she controlled her self first. All by herself.

As far as the regression things goes haylee....I don't recall DD's threapist saying that....more that she was not progressing. So not sure if its similar or not. Later in life she became more aware than her peers...she had greater understanding of things that at times were scarey (like sex, etc).

You just deal with the punches, day by day. I'll never forget at one point the threapist told ME I was coddleing my DD, that I was perpetuating the problem by not allowing DH to tell her the way things were going to be. If she did something, I would defend it....thats where MY modification became necassary. When I was told my DH was doing a better job, I resented it. But once I accepted what the doc said....and he and I stood together as ONE, that the changes took place more quickly.

All hard hard roads.

I was also thinking of something a doc once told me. That my kid dose this...but what I don't know is EVERY parent has trials and issues with their kids. He pointed out that a honor roll student may have to much pride, be crushed....become suicidal if they don't measure up, have eating disorders, self image problems,etc....she gave me more examples....and it all came to light.

If its not one thing, its another....<grin>

You said:

I wouldn't trust a therapist that does not have their own children. They can't possibly relate. In fact, if their children have issues, all the better!"

THAT'S THE SINGLE BEST LINE I EVER READ!!

It's like when you are pregnant and you go to a male OBGYN and he goes "I know what you are feeling".


????????????????????????????????????????????? lol

ROFL!! Good one!!

I agree to a degree i ran into a child neuro who felt because our one son, who has high functioning autism was not to the severity of his own sons autism, that our son didnt have autism, so the trusting of a doc that has a kid with disabilities can go both ways,

I personally perferred doctors with kids, just as I can not imagine a female going to anyone else other than a female doc for female troubles they can relate as could a doc with kids with disabilities relate better to me than a doc with out kids, its one thing to read about it another to live it

Sheesh!!!


I feel like i opened pandora's box....lol

Good point Frank....you can't compare one to another...thats where the other factors come in. Just like MS has many signs and sx....so does every other disease or personality disorder...or anything :) Thanks for adding that.

Haylee...what you did was bring up an issue that a few of us have experienced....and your experience may or maynot be the same. Your child may have a condition that none of us are discussing. But what we have in common is that we delt with behavioral issues....no matter the name of the dx.

I hope we have helped :hug:

Without all the input that i have received i would have gone into this experience very lost.

You all have given me many different examples and i will be more aware of what is out there.

I have hope that no matter what it is that haylee has she will be okay, if it turns out to be autism so be it, if it is asperger so be it as well.

I loathe doctors... i have experience misdiagnosis for myself... my husband nearly died from three doctors mistakes... hubby had epiglotitis and they sent him home... his throat could have closed up at any moment and i would have had to do an emergency tracheotomy (sp)... he's fine now thankfully.


So will will question and research everything and hope we are doing the right thing.

THANK YOU ALL SOO MUCH!!

I feel blessed to received such great advice and kind words.

Cindy