A lot of people ask this question which is really want to? Want to what? Well usually they are speaking of making wild passionate sex all day or night whatever the case may be.

Well the truth for my own life is just this...I am now at the age that if asked that question...my answer is going to be: Nah, I'd rather have a smoothie...make it a tropical. This is just another path of life. Now back in the day, and not that many days back...I would have been asking aunght to quicker than my partner. lol Life has a way of changing even the most important of things in relationships.

The end of sex in a relationship does not end the relationship...you will note, I said sex...if that was all you had...then you didn't have much of a relationship to begin with. There are many aspects of a relationship...love, trust, companionship, contentment...and the list goes on.

When the intimacy of sex is no longer there then the other aspects take over...the intimacy of just sitting close together and sharing thoughts, the intimacy of being content just to be in the presence of the other without saying a word. The intimacy of a smile over knowing that smile is your smile and not meant for any other person on this good green earth.

Relationships all have their ups and downs...sometimes it seems more downs than ups. Those times test the relationship and when you come through them, you come through closer and stronger...or you should, that is not always the case. Afterall this is the real world, not fantasy island you can get on a plane and forget all the troubles that exist. I think the hardest part in a relationship is letting little wrongs go...just forgetting that word or two that was said in anger. Those words you never thought you would hear from a person you're willing to spend your life with.

Letting go of those little petty things is something hard to do for most people, it is for me...I remember them and with each little cut it bleeds deeper. You never see it and never know it...but something is lost each time. Why it is hard for some of us to let these things go, I have no idea and I doubt any psychologist can really tell you...they will tell you that you need to move on and get over it. But have they ever told anyone why they can't let go to begin with. Maybe one can't get over it and move on because they feel it is a form of betrayal...the hardest of things to forgive.

However, back to the relationship with sexual intimacy...there will come a time with age or with MS, etc that you lose that desire. You will also miss that desire, you remember with fond memories of those times, but that is as far as those desires will go...and you miss them. Oh, don't despair, you still have your partner and the relationship takes on a new aspect.

You now live with your partner and share intimate moments of things you didn't seem to have time for because all those moments were spent yelling in ecstacy and forgot all about the questions or comments. You have time now to learn even more about your partner's dreams, thoughts and outlook on things about life, time to share more movies or walks...endless adventures of a new beginning.

Nostalgic memories will always remain about the passionate times, but not with as much sadness as you would think. Now, may I please have a Tropical smoothie...it reminds me of one or two of those nights.

OH MY GOD, ARE WE TALKING ABOUT SEX????

How fun!!

melody

P.S. I may be 60 but I can assure you, I'm not dead and neither is Alan.
May take us some time to get there. Think walking, instead of taking a plane.

But hey!!! It's ALL in the mind initially. If you have that!! you have EVERYTHING!!

I do like the occasional smoothie by the way. And I love this graphic.

Melody...that is wonderful, but for a lot of us with chronic illness...it is one more thing that gets taken. Oh I still like a good lookin hunk of eye candy...but just looking is all I really care to do.LOL My dad is almost 87 and he still looks at younger women...really younger than him, I call him a dirty ole prevert most of the time. lol

His wife is 23 years younger than he and they have been married for close to 9 years. My ex father in law was way past 50 when his youngest son was born. You just never know...


Curious...could you fix me another please...maybe a few more and I might actually get in the mood...not sure what mood, but I bet one of some kind will come along!! lol

with this many you might just think you did....



i'm still a slightly youngin'. not ready to put that part of my life to pasture. but please..someone tell my hubby that.

Yep that many will work...tell ya hubby in a sexy lookin nightie while ya fixin his dinner...use those womanly wiles girl!!!

Melody...when I found something was not quite right is when my mind was ready and my other parts said hold up here hoss...we toooooo tired!!! I think a lot of the cause for this with chronic illnesses are the meds...

I have a friend(older) that really needs to take certain meds...she prefers the sex so she refuses to take them. She almost got fired because of the things she did because she wasn't on her meds...leaving the office 30 minutes after she got to work for coffee...going out to test drive a car all during the day...telling people she couldn't keep her appointments...yep, she finally had to leave that job and go elsewhere. Those ole nasty meds, sho nuff can mess ya up one way or another. lol

I know what you mean. My friend has a neighbor who is 80 years old. Helen had a stroke some years ago, and I was warned that she'll come out with anything she cares to come out with. Well, I never in all my mind thought that she would come out with STUFF ABOUT SEX.

Whenever we walk by her house and she's tending to her gardens (she has a live in aide and her daughter helps her also). Well, one day Alan and I were walking past her and we said "Hi Helen, and she just came out with a dirty joke so funny, well you had to see Alan's face".

He didn't expect it and I should have warned him. Honestly if you don't expect to hear such stuff out of the mouth of someone over 80, well it's kind of startling.

Now that we know, we don't say anything. She is still coming out with zingers.

When I had my book sale (in front of my house a few years ago), she had just been recovering from her stroke and it was the first time she was out alone. She had her walker. I recognized her immediately (didn't know about stuff coming out of her mouth though).

So I said "would you care to see some of my books"? I had books on Elizabeth Taylor, and John Wayne, and novels and biographies.

She then said "I'm horny, do you have any books on sex"? I just looked at her and said "I beg your pardon". Her aide came running down the street yelling "Helen, Helen, where are you?"

I told the aide what happened and she explained that she comes out with various things from time to time and it drives her daughter crazy.

Obviously the stroke did something but I never knew that this could be the end result of having a stroke. YOU SHOULD REALLY HEAR THE STUFF THAT SHE COMES OUT WITH.

We all laugh it off and don't pay her any mind because actually it's not her fault.

But you should have seen Alan's face that day. It was priceless.

And yes I know that certain meds (like anti-depressants) have sexual side effects.

I wonder how people can over come that aspect of it.

Melody

At the old forum, back when we could go OT, Sex (usually MS trouble, lack of desire related) I was always amazed couples could get that way. Now as I get older (Make my smoothie Peach please) take an AD, my left leg hurts to unbend or move,,and no cooperation either from it) and DH being a guy and not having MS is of a different mind , but that leg hurts when it should not and if that don't spoil the mood, what would? (And despite the MS I do look good and we're only 52 (now you young ones, stop gagging, we're not that old or dead).

These are the things in a marriage that make it all worthwhile. Sure making love is great but there will come a time that it will end, well maybe I guess. Have not had that happen but if it did I know we will be ok.

When we were younger I thought that something was wrong when we didn't have these long conversations all the time. Now I know that just being together is all that needs to be said. Whether we are sitting by a lake fishing, or enjoying a drink by the pool we don't have to say how we feel we just know. We are coming up on our 20th this year so sometimes we even finish each others sentences. I look forward to the rockin chair as long as he is with me.

Of course we both know that look that says "ya wanna" ...Sue

Thank you Momma and amen to all that. Jim and I are some of the youngest forced to give up that part of our life. Oh, the intimacy is there and it will always be there but the actual act is pretty much out the window so to speak. And you know what? That's OK for me and for Jim. We have so much more to our relationship than sex. If sex was all there was we would not be here 23 years later.

But don't get me wrong. Sex was a big part of our younger years. But it's never been what holds us together.

What I am trying to say is many times I have been asked how I can live without sex at my age? I simply say it's not what our relationship is built on. Period. No other explanation. Or maybe it's because Jim married a woman who could live with it or without it? Either way, it's all good.

Now when we ask aunght to, it's usually to go to the store or local eatery. lmao