Hey everyone, I cannot possibly keep up with all of you! Miss too much time here and you come back to four or more pages. lol

I am going to finish the touch up painting on the living room today. Then put my house back together. We're going up to NIU tomorrow for a tailgate party with the boys and then the football game. That should be fun. The fraternity hired a band to play so we'll see.

Renee is fine just tired when she gets home so that's why she hasn't been on. She'll probably come on this weekend to update. Olivia is doing well with her dad but he is messing up Renee's schedule with her. She isn't getting her naps and she's eating McDonald's all the time. Ugh, hopefully the small amount of time he has with her wont make getting her back on schedule tough for Renee or her mom.

Trish, I think your doing the right thing in making her be more responsible. She didn't react because maybe she thinks your not serious. I've seen that in my boys too. If they are not in school, they must have a job. Vacation with a gf/bf does not take priority over that. Sit down with her and tell her if she goes, there will be consequences. I think once she takes you seriously, she'll "man" up so to speak. I have told my boys they are adults, maybe not completely mature but they know if they don't show respect, they can look at the door from the other side. It's worked so far and they are doing great in college and working too, as well as living on their own. The only time they come home is for the summer. Chris is paying rent in a townhouse and Nik took a job with the school that pays his dorm fees.

It's so hard to be a parent. You do not need to be stressed like that and it will catch up with you. :hug: They want to say they are adults but then they do things that do not show their maturity. Demanding her to have a job within the month is not too hard on her at the age of 18. I know, been there, done that. We're here for you no matter what. :hug:

Everyone have a good day and don't be so busy while I am gone. I know I missed so many of you but know I think about you all. :grouphug:

Sandy and Trish, I am sure you guys are right. I just see students here at times that do not have a safety net and I feel really bad for them. They do not have anyone at home to help them out when things get rough. Even though I paid entirely for my own education through scholarships, loans, and part time jobs, my parents, who were struggling financially, were always there with a bag of groceries, frozen diiners that my mom made from leftovers, or 20.00 when I needed help. I also had a period of time when I could not find a full time job for over a year when unemployment was extremely high and I lived at home. But I understand that tough love is needed at times, and that you are not talking about leaving them with that backup support.

Thanks you everyone.:grouphug: I will get through, yet another, rough patch with DD18. We have been going through these for the past couple of years.

Understand, there is more history to all of this, just don't want to bore you all it. lol Seriously though, she does need to pull it together and is one of those that seems to only learn the hard way.:( I can only guide her and give suggestions. The end result will be her decision and she knows that.

EDIT: Barb - I understand what you are saying. I don't have it my heart to leave her high and dry - kick her out the front door never to talk to her again. She knows I will always be there to support her emotionally. However, since she has screwed her dad and I over with her lies about money and using money that we have given her for specific things, based on some sob story, to go play, I think it would be wrong of me to keep giving her money. Yes, she took the $45 her dad gave her to for her GED and spent it on something else. Hence, I had to give her the $45, no I wrote a check to the school for $45 for her GED. The gas money that I have been helping her with has been going to other things as well.

When all this dawned on my, I got wise. If she does ask for money, I ask her for what and have been getting that specific item for her i.e. gas - I go put the gas in her car, work clothes - I will go with her, etc.

Barb, my reason for being strict on my boys is so they know you can't get through life without trying hard. They know if they need help, we are there. If they fall, we'll pick them up. All of this contingent on them trying the best. If they are slacking, no help. If they are trying, we'll be there in the drop of a dime.

I guess I have seen too many kids who are handed everything from birth to adulthood and still don't know how to be independent. I have a cousin who is 30+ years old and still at home. She even says why should she leave when she has it made at her parents home? That is sad and she has a daughter. What is she teaching her?

The boys had rich friends, same thing. Everything handed to them. When I was teaching college, those same kids were some of my most trouble students. They were cocky and acted immature. Not all, but many. It was the students who had to work hard to get where they wanted that seemed more mature.

:hug: My kids know mom and dad are there and will be until we die. They are now adapting the very same saving money ideas that we have. They like having money and they like buying their own stuff. My oldest just bought his first laptop all on his own. He said he felt good about not relying on us for it.

LOL, Sandy. I had to laugh a little. DDs dad is 46 and still lives at home. No, I don't either of my girls to get this idea.

Truly, I want them to be independent and go out there, grasp what the world has to offer, and offer it back as well. They have this whole bright future ahead of them, why live at home with mom? lol

Some kids just have more trouble getting there than others. DD17 is more focused, studious, and really, really wants to move out next fall either in to a dorm or an apartment if she decides to go to the local community college 1st.

it's hard to call it 'tough-love' .. but, sometimes, in the past - some parents didn't know any different - that's the way they were treated (like what my dad did) ...

heard about Donald Trump's boys - they had to work, cutting the lawn - with push mowers ... so that when they would hire another person, they would know what it felt like and time it took to do these types of jobs ... yet, they learned, and respected their dad ... and became responsible individuals thru this learning process ...

but - there is no perfect manual on how to raise kids ...

Hey all,
wow lots to read here, but cogfog blocking my way lol....

well the game was lost...but Mikayla scored a score to tie it up at one point..so quite exciting...

we talking baseball...GO RED SOX GOOOOOOO

feeling blahhh but thinking with lots of hot tea...my throat is feeling a bit better...and the stuff is working out I think....

Yes I wish I could have some time off....from everything for a day..lol...

hugss all....sarah

Sandy, Thanks for the update about renee. Have fun at the tailgate party!

Trish, Tough love is a good thing. Even though my dad was strict about somethings (which helped), I had to learn other things the hard way when I got married and was offically in the real world. Like cooking as one example! I knew how to make bake goods, but never cooked before I got married. There's a lot of stories we can look back at and laugh about regarding our first year together. We made plenty of mistakes, but learned a lot. :)

Talked to my mom when I got home from school and found out that her power came back on at 1:00 a.m. I guess she sent me an email this morning, but I did not check it. It is so confusing when you have 2 accounts sometimes. She is so happy. Hope we hear good news from Sally soon.

well the unnerving silence has crept back in this humble home, the distant memory of children laughing running and playing that was awaken has departed and the silence of children is back as they are gone now, its a sound I cherish dearly, here is one i wrote years ago as a solo parent

The silence of the children"

I love my children so true
You ask how many, well there are two
Both of them rowdy boys I love so dear
Already I wonder where are the years
~~~~~~~~
It scares me to think of them grown
Me with no one to care for at home sad and alone
I know I need not worry about what they will do
For I have taught them always be honorable and true
~~~~~~~~~~
Knowing with all the bad things they have done
I hold no remorse, regrets, absolutely none.
They will grow to be men of truth and grace
Knowing they are men is what puts a smile on my face
~~~~~~~~~~
So remember if you have children too,
Spend time with them now, or someday you will be blue
Wondering what you did and why you are alone
Only to hear the silence of children, because now they are gone(c)