I have Bipolar II, PTSD, Borderline, anxiety, and depression. I applied for SSI two years ago and was ultimately denied at the ALJ hearing, which was earlier this year.

The denial letter was so devastating that I went to the ER for being suicidal. My life since has been a nightmare of financial stress and depression that I can't seem to get out of.

My attorney filed a new claim and so I am now waiting to see what happens this time. Meanwhile I'm still severely depressed all the time...the worst ever in my entire life. Suicidal thoughts, anxiety, crying every day.

I'm completely dependent upon my friend who is my landlord. My family is far away and won't help me financially. I survive on a tiny amount of welfare each month. And here's the worst part...on various days that I'm feeling barely well enough, I am relying on prostitution to help me survive financially.

I hope this doesn't shock anyone or make them judge me....I wonder how many people have had to resort to crime in order to survive after being denied SSI. Never in a million years did I see my life turning out this way.

I am not going to judge you. I just wanted you to please reconsider the method that you are trying to survive on. I am sure you know the dangers. I can totally relate to the severe financial strain all of this puts on people. I am really close to losing my house. A long time ago I believed God has his reason's for trials in our life. Because of this HELL, I am not so sure about my beliefs anymore. Hang in there and please be safe.

Welcome to NT, Kitty.

I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time of things.

Have the correct meds and/or counseling at least gotten you past the suicidal ideation ? I hope that you are able to get the help that you need to get through this.

Do you have access to ongoing psychological help ?

I am in my county's mental health system; I see my psychiatrist once a month and my therapist once a week. I also go to a couple of support groups a week. I've been on a new med for 2 months now but my depression and anxiety is barely budging. I don't know why it's taking so long for me to get better. This all began a year ago when the med I took for 10 years quit working. I had a breakdown and it got worse and continues to this day.

I really hope you keep with council. Hang in there. Depression can get better and so can your life. Nobody judges you here. We all just want you to feel better. I hope you continue to try and get disability and more help through your doctors. ginnie

hello "MissKitty".we know how you feel.in case we are just "Saying"this to make you feel good.just go back and check on some of these members past posting.you will find me and my sister"ginnie"who went thru the same thing.so we know your pain here @ NT better than anyone else."Bretd" say it very well in how "god"bring us to this point in life or has "his reason".some dont like hearing all this holly stuff.but just like "bretd"i know he will see us through this.but i know what your worried about...its the here and now!..what do i do right now.."who or where i turn to"?? Oh by the way .we "dont judge anyone here"

I am relieved that you are currently getting help dealing with your overwhelming mental health issues, Kitty.

It must be incredibly frustrating that your team can't find the right med mix for you at this point. Hang on to the knowledge that there were meds that helped with your symptoms in the past. Hopefully they will be able to find the best treatment for you soon.

It sounds like you are in a catch 22 situation. Even potentially appropriate medications that could help with your brain chemistry might seem like they are not doing their job because of the situational depression and anxiety that anyone would struggle with in your dire financial/social situation. The financial help from SSI would give you more to work with to have a stable home life and decrease all of those external stressors. I hope that you can hang on until you are able to get benefits.

You're right Fins....the financial situation is devastatingly stressful. It makes me feel even worse and more out of control of my life than I already do with the bipolar and depression.

I still don't understand how they could've denied me. I am truly disabled. I need the SSI. I can't believe how bad the SSI system is. Waiting for the next claim is hard too.

The whole system is stressful beyond most peoples ability to cope. It does indeed make you feel worse than you already do. I don't know what the answer is to this issue, I just know all of us suffer while jummping through the hoops. I hope you get your SSI. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, hang in there. ginnie

Kittypaw,

I am so sorry you are going through so much. Have you considered asking your attorney to involve your congressman/congresswoman at this point?

As far as I know, your atty would still be paid for his representation of you from your back benefits when you have a favorable determination.

When I applied for disability about a year before I was at the hearing level. I was advised to contact my congressman. Within a month of contacting his office, somehow they got all my medical records and work records to the ALJ.

Even though I was at the hearing level, the ALJ rendered "fully favorable" without the need for a hearing.

I realize that you've gone beyond the hearing level, having been denied. But it sure can't hurt anything to discuss getting "congressional interest" in your case. Perhaps your attorney and congressperson can work together to get it done.

I feel for you in your circumstances. I exhausted my 401k waiting waiting waiting, as that was all I had to live on. I was a month away from being homeless when it was suggested to me to involve my congressman. Once I involved my congressman, I had a favorable decision in about 1 month. Then again, I was at the hearing level and mine was decided by the ALJ based solely on the records he was able to obtain.

As you do have an attorney representing you, of course consult first with him/her on that option. It sure can't hurt to ask, right?