I am recovering from surgery to remove my entire bladder, prostate, seminal glands. and some lymph nodes, I am awaiting notification of my new hearing following a federal court remand following ten consecutive years of losses!

I have a thirty year old trailer I call home, I am now on MA, and have absolutely zero income, and or other assets. I no longer can pay the lot rent, or utilities! I have three adult siblings, ranging in age from 50-55 yrs, all fairly well off, not a one of them has offered any help whatsoever! This would include an older brother whom I took in not once, but twice for a total of three years. He now works for Quest knocking down just over a hundred grand a year! The other two are an RN & an IT for IBM, both of whom earn at, or above the six figure mark...

Why do I share such despicable, dirty laundry with you? Is it sour grapes? Whining? Begging/pan-handling? No, its just a heads up as to what you can look forward too after you start racking up losses to the ALJ's! You see SSA knows good and well that your families will turn on you viciously, its part of their strategy, one that works very well. Its all but impossible for a casual observer to conclude that I must be the blackest of the sheep, an arch-scumbag deserving of every evil thing that befalls him. How could anyone conclude otherwise? Yet you'd be wrong, in fact I have doled out money in the past, not the other way around.

My older brother, the one I gave a home to when nobody else was willing to give him the time of day, he loses more money in the casino each month then I require to live on for half a year or so, yet not a peep. How can this be? Nobody likes a loser.....

Keep these things in mind as you embark upon your SSDI claim, your families can and will turn on you, SSA is counting on it.....

I'm sorry that your situation is what it is, but you can't take your situation and generalize that everyone's family will react in the same way. Mine supported me during my very long battle for approval, and I don't think my situation was unusual.

I do think the government figures many people who are disabled and applying for SSDI can and will work when forced with dire financial consequences like homelessness.

You need to ask your siblings for help if you haven't. If they say no (or already have) than you need to exhaust whatever resources are available to you locally. Perhaps one would allow you to move in with them? Is it embarrassing and humbling for someone that has always been self reliant? Yes. But you have to do, what you have to do, to survive.

I started the Catch 22 thread awhile back for those facing situations like yours. There are resources out there, you just need to hunt them down.

I agree that can and does happen with family. My son stayed through thick and thin, my daughter abandoned me, as she assumed I had money which was long ago used up on my medical conditions. If you can just have that one friend, or one person that cares, it does make the process much easier to go through. My son went with me to all appts. and hearings. I am here to listen anytime, as I do know what it is like to be hurt by family. ginnie

I think you'll find that its your experience thats the minority experience, I'm fairly comfortable concluding that the majority will have their families turn them out as losses mount! Its simply human nature, As for your suggestions regarding who, when, where, and how to seek out aid, if you don't hear from your family with offers of support following the diagnosis & eventual surgery to remove an aggressive, invasive malignancy, there's no point in attempting to beg them for it, you have been thrown away....

If you haven't asked for financial help or to move in with one of them, than it seems a bit unfair that you think they'd just volunteer financial assistance. If you're telling them how dire your situation is but not asking for help, it can feel manipulative. If you're not telling them, than how are they supposed to know? Many people assume cash aid still exists, and with PASS and Medicaid, that the basics are covered.

I think it is true many people distance themselves when someone is very ill and/or dealing with a crisis in general. For a variety of reasons, a serious illness or disability can become very isolating. --And sometimes the opposite happens, where others try and step in and attempt to control our lives.

There are no easy answers, but expecting other's to anticipate what we need from them is a recipe for disappointment!

My aunt, who was in your situation, called and requested help from her siblings and parents. She'd be able to get by for long stretches and there was no way for us to tell when she'd need extra help.

I've been disabled for almost 15 years, and I've met/interacted with many disabled people during that time. It has been a relatively small number that ended up in the most dire of situations. Those with severe psychiatric issues tend to be the most vulenerable because they can't advocate for themselves and take advantage of the resources that are available.

If you need to vent, I can respect that. If you need help trying to locate resources, than I will personally try and help you if you communicate what you've attempted so far. If you can focus on your own situation, that might be more productive than trying to scare others new to the application process--because if they truly are unable to work, they don't have any other choice but to apply.

Dear Direwolf,

I was so glad to see your post today and know that your surgery is over and you are able to use the computer and talk with us. At the same time, I am also very sad to learn of your situation. How is your recovery from surgery going? Is there anything WE can do for you here on NT? I have been thinking of you everyday, especially since the 26th of November, the day your surgery was scheduled. Thank you so much for logging in during your post-surgery recovery period.

I know of someone right now that is getting denied for their SS. The guy had a vessel burst in his head about a year ago. Now he has seizures daily. He had a f..ing seizure while at the SS office. They had to call the ambulance. How can one work and seizure out at the same time. That was two months ago. Last month he tried to kill himself and jumped out of a moving truck at 55mph. He lived, but now has a plate in his head and cant walk right, with broken everything. Plus as a bonus his speech is once again all messed up. I bet they still deny him. I know your telling the truth, SS is evil.

I know of another story too. My aunt had diabetes and was over weight and blind. Not all the way blind, only 60% with glasses on. She could not get out of bed and had a bucket beside it. The diabetes made her stomach sick I guess and she threw up in that bucket at least 4 times a day. All the while she was trying for SS, guess what, NO. She had to be something like 70 to 80% legally blind to be approved, according to their criteria. She finally make the blindness mark. One year later she died of a heart attack. Good ole SS hard at work for the disabled Americans.

Families sometimes do turn on a hurt member. Unless we come together as humans, these kinds of hurts will continue. WE are our brothers keeper!. Peace to all who have known such pain. May the new year bring better things for all of us. ginnie