it's was 3:39 a.m.when i looked at the clock decided to take meds the pain is so bad it is coming from the site in the back where they went in right now both shoulders mostly right just take it off someone please my left elbow down to all of my fingers but all from my shoulders down this hasn't happened for quite some time it feels as it is coming from the neck can't really asses so painful i almost feel as if i could go to the hospital but all that will do is make life harder nothing will or can be done. it is monday can't wait for the office to open. he (my surgeon) has yet to call and inform me of my fusion. i'm gonna go for now i hurt too much and much too worry about. this truly stinks it hurts to do just about anything

thanks much for all

eva

Hi there,

I hope you are feeling a little better with the sun coming up, night time is the worst for me too, I hurt so much more in the evenings and at bedtime. I understand your frustration and pain, it's tiring and wears you down. Do you have any support system at home? Having someone to keep your spirits up and reassure you can help with the pain sometime, even if it's just a pyschological thing.

I have a suggestion, I just recently (recently meaning 2 visits, 2 weeks) started seeing a Naturopathic Doctor for pain relief. She evaluated everything from supplements, blood pressure, pain tolerance, mood, etc.... she has started me on some herbal supplements, vitamins for nerve pain and inflammation and weekly accupuncture sessions. I don't feel a huge amount of relief just yet, but I have to admit I do feel a little bit better, and at least it gives me HOPE if nothing else. I was so desperate to find pain relief I was ready to cut my hand off for the nerve pain, so I wanted to try anything. Perhaps something for you to think about. When our health care system isn't working for us it's time to take matters into our own hands. Most insurance plans have partial coverage, and at least it will give you another opinion?

wishing you (and me) a pain free day!
Cathie

hi cathie,
i return the wishes
last night or more like the past few nights UNBEARABLE
my eldest child sara 30 is my advocate and awaiting the results from my surgeon requesting another x-ray, had it 9-7-11 for the outcome of #2 surgery fusion
after many calls for the results, he calls my daughter rather then myself tells her i'm nicely protected with the additional appliance (cage) looks good still fusing
i was beside myself the phone call was this sunday
it is just so complicated
all the doctors
conflicting answers and findings
i wish i never had it done i had no choice but have them
but its so much worse now
my depression is so bad just another doctor i talk weekly with in the first 6 or 7 months now but today i don't want to be here and there is so much too live for i became a gradmother 1st grandchild named eva 9lbs 4oz was there for delivery cathie writing you hurts not only my body, brain but my heart it just isn't what i never imagined i'll take the pain i had before surgery i just for today feel it has taken life away as iu once new it
i couldn't hold my baby girl when born my surgery was april 15th eva came may 4th
your suggestions will be something i am open to
called my doctor this morning for him to send script for my pain meds
i feel abandon from my surgeon i won't have it
just because i'm fusing does not let him off the hook and i told the office that
it bothers me that in the beginning i would speak up and ask about alternative options inversion tables, acupuncture, water therapy
all i mean all doctors said take this take that getting horrible reactions from some of the medicines i'm sick of it not to mention more than half the meds made me sick
so enough ranting but most importantly thank you for the time
i have 4 children 3 are adults and on their own my 13 year old is a sweetheart and she watches me suffer it has got to scare her. i help her understand i'm not going anywhere even though i know something is wrong
i have the fight in me to make my doctors listen but i'm not getting better
the mental anguish alone kills me slowly
it sure is hard to keep a smile on my face when my health is just slipping away
i was once a very active person and that person is gone or rather altered
i understand i'm getting older
but so much is happening so quickly
and it's not just one thing
fear does set in at times
after it does feel like i'm dying
it's just a matter of holding on
MIND OVER MATTER
WITH ALL THAT'S GOING I DO HAVE
FAITH

HAVE YOURSELF A BEAUTIFUL DAY
THANKS MUCH
EVA

Eva, reading your post rewinds me about 2 months ago. I was having the same depression issues as you were, felt as though my whole life was nothing but waking up and dealing with pain and what's the point in that, there has to be more reason to get out of bed then to just hurt, right? Luckily my family doctor is easy to talk to about that, and when I went to see him and told him I cry every single day, he told me that chronic pain causes depression, and there are ways to help you at least function even if we can't completely solve the problems with all the pain. He put me on Cymbalta for depression. I'm like you, most meds make me very sick, and for the first 2 weeks I felt pretty horrible, nauseous, very tired (slept for days), dizzy, but the side effects went away and it DID help with my depression. It dried up a lot of my tears, I still hurt every day, but I can cope with it much better and with a better attitude. Maybe Cymbalta isn't for you, but there are homeopathic remedies for depression and many other meds as well. Something will help if you are willing to look into it. I would skip the surgeon on this one, they don't care about our overall health, just their pride that they did a 'pretty' surgey. Go to your family doctor, make him listen. Cry if you need to. But don't let the pain put you into more despair. Life is precious, and it sounds like you have a beautiful family that loves you very much. They just want you to feel better too.

I see my neurosurgeon on Thursday for my 6 month followup. I need to discuss having him keep me off work longer (or perhaps permanantly). He has expressed that he thinks I need a second surgery on my hand to correct the nerve damage on my ulnar nerve. I really don't want anymore surgery, so I would rather stay home and just preserve what function I have left. We'll see what he says about filling out my worker's compensation forms. My case manager for comp says I shouldn't have to go back unless I'm better, and they know I'm not, but they need another referral from drs to back it all up. So Thursday is a big day for me. My employer is actually expecting me back at work in 2 weeks, I have a temp doing my job for the last year, and her contract is up. I have a feeling we'll be renewing her contract! (hope and pray) I still can't use my hand at all, the nerve pain is relentless, most days I could cut my arm off with a dull knife for relief. Ugh. Pretty useless, a graphic designer that has no use of her hand. That's been my whole career for 20 years, and now I can't even hold a pencil without tremors. Pathetic.

I will send you a friend request, and hope that you keep in touch. If anything it's just nice to have someone to talk to that understands and is going through similar situations. I'm home, and on here at least once a day, so feel free to vent if you need to. I try not to complain to my husband and daughter too much, (my daughter is 16 and pretty busy with her social life and school.. LOL) besides they feel helpless in making me feel better, and the conversation gets old when all we do is whine. I'm sure you feel the same. but at the same time you need to talk about it!

Try to keep your spirits up the best you can. A hot bath with a glass of wine and some pretty candles, whatever you can to give relief and help you feel even a little bit better.

Take care of yourself!
Cathie

cathie,

i am so sorry i just don't know how computers work
i am on prozac for a year now
speak with my shrink for a little longer
just recently it switched
every other week
started with depression
missing my job
my adult children call and check up
my 13 year old keep things interesting
THIRTEEN thank goodness we have a
open relationship, she WILL ask me anything
and feel great it is like it is
only she is afraid for me
that makes me sad
she makes me laugh
she loves when i laugh
it's a good relationship
i do pamper myself
when i can
i am divorced for 25 years happily
just never found anyone i trust
i do entertain and have company when possible
but when the pain supersede
everything comes to a hault
ya know
anyway
some days good, maybe great
then we're talking

my pain doc put me back on 20mg 3 times a day oxycontin
there is relief never below a 5
and found 2 or 3 days out of the week
lets call them my best days
i move with the wind

i submitted additional 3 month leave
request granted
hope to know what i am left with
and can return back at my job
even if restriction are required
back into the world.

you stay safe, as we must
take things at your pace
and keep depression at bay

so many suffer silently
that hurts

hope all is well

thank you

eva