dear ginnie

unfortunately we can't pick our family
but you can or won't allow it in your life
and move on
now please don't misunderstand
i miss the idea of a mother
she still lives
my feeling to date
is so deep
i will regret
for i have no respect
she is not due the honor
someone who will not own up to the
lies and truths that still
continue to surface
some may say i am relentless
if i fell strongly of its ramifications
such as mine
something i know is not allowed
i am suppose to honor my father and mother
i honored so much my little body suffered
hard unusual tasks were expected
from my sister and myself
bottom line i wouldn't be me
if i weren't true to myself
i miss a mother
but would rather do without
it hurts toooooo much
shame on me!
it is what it is
i understand

You sure do understand. I did go for council, numerous times. The pain from my family situation, only made my physical pain worse. I gave up on that part of the family, or just let it go to God. I hated to do that, but the situation was not tolerable and very abusive to me. thanks Eva for that responce. Yes we must take care of our own souls. I hope this day finds you at peace. ginnie

dear friends

it is a painful kind of day
my neck head and body troubles
didn't go anywhere
if anything it is worse
just have something else
occupying the brain but
my pain is spreading
so as soon as i can
i will need to find a
neurosurgeon
and talk about the damage
and pain that this one has stripped me of
not only my paycheck last of my
dignity although it too does not
define me it is not my bliss
cooking is had a deli at one time
my quality of life gone like that
are now in a studio apartment
i choose never to marry again
worked all my life around my children
still working nights
don't know what is down the road with all this ****
i cannot be without medicine
i am on a leave from my job
bed ridden most times
it hurts to even do that
i need to contort my body
so i am not in pain
and type with struggles
not so much during
but afterwards the throbbing
pain i feel travel
up and down up and down a heart beat
of its own
and the cracking now there is a lot of that quickly
till then i take my meds
as per last ct-scan i haven't
fused yet
interesting what one
can or can't imagine
all i had to do (AS PER DOCTORS ORDERS)
test that showed
must have surgery
and then a second one
and make things worse
i hope my message
i feel good with
my paper trail that tells a hell of
a story make sure your doctor
not only answers your questions
but if he wouldn't mind putting that
in writing
yeah me!
ASSHOLE
i am sorry
i curse him everyday
he took some of my working parts
from me
if a doctor seems annoyed
when you ask questions
you don't want them as a doctor
regardless of status or reputation
he is not worthy of such respect or title
the fact he let the hematoma
go on for so long before draining
2 times
once before leaving
after two days home
it swelled like a half of
a grapefruit
oh my word
the pain
i delivered 4 babies natural
until we got to hospital to drain
i believe it needed draining again
refused
i have permanent pain at site
and some jaw line
bottom line done with him
must start all over
your all the greatest

I am so sorry your day has had so much pain. I wish I could take it away from you. When tomorrow is overwith, and you are well, I know you will have to address your back issue. I wish you could see my neurologist. I have such confidence in him. My doctor I was told is also a man of faith. I am sorry your doctors failed you. I will begin to pray right now that you will be able to find a neurologist that will really do something to help your pain. Nobody likes living with that much pain all the time. It drains your soul. Just get through tomorrow, and recover. Maybe the pain meds. for your surgery will also help your back for a time. What state do you live in Eva? You don't have to even tap back tonight, I know things are on your mind. My wish is that you have no fear, that my guardian angel is right now beside you hanging out, and that your pain goes away. It is hard to deal with more than one issue at a time. I will sure be here, when you come back from surgery. My neighbors are even praying for you. Their names are Bob and Lori. My house mate is praying too. If there were ever a person who deserved peace in their lives it is you. God grant you peace this night, and recovery with ease. You will not be out of my thoughts until you are back here and recovering. I hope God in his mercy will extend his hands to you right this minute. ginniehug::

good day to all

hope all well

haven't been on here much
try not to go all over
it gets confusing for me
although i do surprise myself
and think i'm doing pretty good on my own
i have read some painful stories
it blows me away how many suffer
my story seems and is so confusing
and complicated but to fast
forward i am still in the process
of completing the removal of
double mastectomy was done
january 9th about if i were to guess
9:00ish
cancer
all is well new doctors
added to the bunch i'm already seeing
anyhow, my venture into going to a recommended
doctor for a pain pump has not begun yet either
what i want to get out is
all my pain prior to any surgery
not only has returned
especially after the second
cervical fusion done posterior
through in a cage
so lets see
level 5/6-6/7 with front plate with 6 screws
along with cage 2 cadaver bones still
to date have no clue if i fused
tbd with new doctors i will be going to
the same facility my sister goes to for her
surgeries in NYC
again my point i want to get out
i am on powerful doses of meds
90 ml oxycodone as per same
pain specialist doctor 3 years now
a relationship from the beginning
of when my body turned on me
now when we went through process
of elimination things came up
and here i am
neurotalk a place i just happen
to come across
no mistake
happy wonderful support
information
beautiful persons
i am still bed bound
but the meds do help
only it hinders other
areas because of the amount
no driving
so my sister is using my baby
as her car is out of commission
i so look forward to the spring weather
so much easier on the body
weather affects my whole being
this last cervical surgery******me up
and the surgeon knows it
new permanent pain
but won't own up to it
just hope the new venture
with new doctors will be different
took my life from me
that's what he did
and that's that
so now
i am here to help however i can
as i start all over
medicine is the only way i
am able to be as mobile as i am
and still have pain as i move
when meds are in
it is relief for me
sometime very rarely
i am able to skip second dose
a take just before bed
but for now some control
hope new year brings
recovery relief
and spring weather

wishing all well

Hi Eva, I just want you to know how sorry I am that the first fusion didn't work, and now you are left in a state of pain. Having to deal with your cancer {now gone} with the problems in your spine would be hard on any person no matter how strong your faith is. I want you to know my first fusion failed too, and the doctor said there wasn't anything more that could be done for me. This doctor did not fess up to a failed cervical fusion.
I did get help from my pain doctor for 6 years. I got worse, and he found another neruo surgeon. That surgeon re-did what the other one messed up and continued to fix my entire cervical spine, reversal of the curve and all. I am now doing alot better, and it was worth it to get the kind of results I have. I was terrified about another fusion when I came here to neruo talk. I just wanted you to know, if you have to have another fusion, that there is hope for a wonderful outcome. I had lost faith in doctors, all of it. I believe there will be a good outcome for you too. You are in my prayers always. You are a spiritual blessing to all of us. ginnie

and an angel
thank you ginnie
thank you just because
thank you for being kind
very kind what the world needs
a angel
sweet dreams