Candlegirl, I do understand your concerns. I did do the injections, Physical Therapy, etc. the year before doing surgery. Had a friend who had a very successful fusion and couldn't get an appointment with his doctor for almost two months. Unfortunately, my pain had gotten out of sight. (I did do a fall just prior to the pain worsening; didn't think much about it at the time; but looking back, that's when the pain started becoming unbearable.) My daughter had an epidural; but was told if the first didn't help; most likely more would not be of any help. Have you ever tried an epidural? Or did you doctor just tell you this would not work for you. Do you have an exact diagnosis for you problem that makes him feel injections would not work? Have you gotten a 2nd opinion? This probably makes matters worse; but surgeries can always be posponed, if need to get another opinion. The surgery option will still be there.
(ger)

Thank you Cathie

I feel I am making the best decision and have spent weeks agonizing if I am doing the right thing. The pain I am in right now is a reminder that I am pretty sure I am making the right decision. I always question every single decision I make so the bigger issues keep me awake at night wondering if I am doing the right thing or not.

I also have two children to take care of and I am dealing with the guilt of people having to take care of me and not being able to help my husband. It is hard for me to do normal things that are just for me let alone a recovery like this. On the other hand being in pain is not making me a good mom either. Sigh.

Dr Smith

I have done that several times and while I am laying there it is usually in pain which reminds me why the fusion is even a consideration. It is so frustrating and I wish I could get a few days respite from my pain to clear my head.

I will try to take some time in the next few days to see if I can sit quietly and just really think about things. It sure is hard in this house

Then make some time, and get out of the house. Have your husband, or a relative, watch the kids for a couple of hours, pack up your stuff, and go to a library (or a college/university library where they have study/conference rooms).

Whatever your decision is, it should be made under the best conditions it can be. This will be even more important later.

Doc

So today I had a blessing at work. One of the parents of the kids I work with is a Nurse Practioner and was able to talk to me about patients that she sees that have had a fusion done. I talked to her about my fears and my hesistations. I was able to talk to her for a long time and am almost 100% sure I am ready to do this. I see my NS tomorrow to discuss everything in detail and to give my final approval. I am ready. I need to be able to move on from this pain, I need to be able to play with my kids pain free, I need to do this for myself and my morale. I need to do this because I will never know unless I do this and I know how I feel right now is not how I want to live for the rest of my life.

So today I had a blessing at work. One of the parents of the kids I work with is a Nurse Practioner and was able to talk to me about patients that she sees that have had a fusion done. I talked to her about my fears and my hesistations. I was able to talk to her for a long time and am almost 100% sure I am ready to do this. I see my NS tomorrow to discuss everything in detail and to give my final approval. I am ready. I need to be able to move on from this pain, I need to be able to play with my kids pain free, I need to do this for myself and my morale. I need to do this because I will never know unless I do this and I know how I feel right now is not how I want to live for the rest of my life.

I am so glad for her taking the time to chat with me and it makes me feel more settled. I need to close my eyes and step off the ledge and pray it goes well for me.

I saw the neurosurgeon today and he put my mind at ease. He answered all the questions I had and was very understanding about my fears. He gave me Oxycodone to help with the pain so I am hoping tonight I will sleep for the first time in a few weeks.
I am going to go through with this and am going to take a leap of faith. My surgery got bumped till the 22nd of February so I am glad for the extra time to work=)

Candlegirl - I have been keeping up with your thread, just lurking till now. Know that you are not in the boat alone. I'm sure there's lots of folks. Glad you had a good consultation with your doctor and he gave you something to ease your pain. I have my appt. with the 3rd dr., the neurosurgeon, tomorrow for 1st consult. I know it must be hard for you with little ones, and I am sorry for that, knowing it makes it a tougher decision....but mommy must be healthy and kept healthy. I too cannot continue in the shape I'm in....percocet & gabapetin for months now. Totally understand your stating that your are worrier, aka "worry wort". Myself, I'm trying to think in terms of what a boss told me years ago, that when he was learning how to drive, his father told him "make a commitment and stick with it". In effect, make a decision and don't look back. Not bad advice at all - second guessing can drive anyone nuts. My thread is Newbie - L4, L5 problems, if you're interested.

As far as having some quiet time for yourself, if you don't feel like getting out while your husband watches the kids, ask him to take the kids out for awhile so you can have some meditation time at home. Not too much to ask.

Best of everything to you,
Seahorse02

I hope what ever decision you make turns out the best for you. I did wind up with a big surgery, a second one even and it turned out good. I do think there are more good results than negative ones, regarding a surgical approach. Living on those Medications all the time isn't easy eithor. If it were not for my horrible ankels I would be off my meds. My neck is fused C3-7 and I really am in pretty good shape considering how horrible it was before. I do wish you all the best no matter what you decide. Good luck and I hope your doctor is fantastic to you. ginnie

Thanks for all the support. I was a lurker for a long time and am glad to come out and get such positive support.

I am going to go ahead with the surgery. It is a leap of faith and I am going to jump off

I started the Percocet tonight and I honestly feel so good. I know I walk around in a lot of pain all the time but once it is better/almost gone I really realize how painful it is.

My neurosurgeon, the NP I talked with the other day and my friend who happens to do the neuromonitoring with my surgeon have done a great job reassuring me and are all there to answer my questions and talk me through my fears. I can do this and I appreciate all the kinds words and support

We will be here for you the whole way through. We will be here for you during your recovery too. I was able to get out of bed after maybe one day, and briefly touch base here to let people know I was alive and kicking. Just take it easy after it, and all will be OK. I do sincerely wish you all the best with all of it. NO more pain is your gift, when this works as it should. ginnie