I had to call the suicide prevention hotline today. (NT was down :[ )
I spoke with a guy name Brian and he saved my life.

It is physically painful for me to hold anything inside but it hurts even more if I say what I want and no one Listens. I can talk for hours but if no one listens, the pain just builds and builds. its like my skin is on fire.

My mother just brushes me off and tells me to relax, but how can I relax about wanting to die?

I just want help. I don't know how to tackle any of this.

I don't want to be depressed or suicidal anymore and I don't want these feelings anymore.

:[ i just dont know anymore

I'm so glad you made that call Meg..and I'm grateful to Brian for getting through to you. Depression is such a monster...one you have to continue to battle. You aren't alone..I say that a lot around here but it's true..we have all been there at one time or another and managed to survive..

Please think of yourself at a total person...one with a future.

Hi MegVeg
I, for one, am sooooo grateful that you made that phone call - isn't it amazing that the voice of another human being can give us the rationalization we need to keep going.

I absolutely agree with the statement you have in your signature and it pleases me to know you, too, have been touched by Randy Pausch.... his story talks to my very soul and each time you share with us, you also remind me of his message. (IF anyone reading doesn't know his story, I urge you to google his "Last Lecture")

I'm so glad you are here with us - I really am!
Addy

I'm glad you were strong enough to make the call for help.

That's a good step, knowing when you need to make the call and going ahead and doing it.

I think it is just really hard sometimes for family to accept & comprehend how you are feeling inside....
I hope someday they will be more understanding & supportive.

MegVeg, I am so proud of you for making that phone call. Your mom sounds just like mine. She actually told me this week that she did not think that I needed to take any anti-depressants, so I really understand how that lack of support and understanding hurts. It must be a wonderful thing to go through life without the burden of depression and hurting so much that you no longer want to be here. That said, I am really glad that you made that call, because I care about you. Lisa

Thank you for your post, it's so hard to feel like my life matters when so many people/other things make me feel like it doesnt. thank you for making me feel like I matter.


Thank you for your words, its really calming and makes me feel centered when I come here to read that someone, somewhere is concerned about my well being (even if the people I physically see every day do not)

I appreciate your reply. I've had to make the call before add it makes me embarassed that i have to rely on a random stranger to talk to instead of being able to talk o my mom/dad/brother/anyone in my physical life. But it doesnt matter because the people here (and Brian) are more beneficial to my life than anyone in my physical life so far so thank you so so much

Thank you I care about you as well as everyone here on NT. Its like fighting an uphill battle everyday when you have no one who understands what its like to lose control of your own thoughts, and then I come here and realize im NOT alone


Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my beating heart <3