[hippiechick]

This whole day, and now the night, is HORRIBLE. I'm scared and anxious and I can't get through thisl Please, anyone, talk to me...

[Abbie]

Hey Hippiechick... what's up?

[Jomar]

Sometimes reading other threads and even visiting other forums here can help when there aren't many online to talk with..

Peace to you soon

[hippiechick]

I don't know exactly what's wrong; that's the problem. I've taken tons of Xanax just because I can't face having that panicky feeling all night. And I've put on a new Fentanyl patch, taken double Percocet....trying everything I can think of to get this feeling far away.
My brain is doing those crazy shocking things almost constantly...around 75 times a minute at this time. They are so very strong that they can knock me down. I tried to journal but they knock the pen out of my hand...I can't say that they truly hurt horribly, but they are annoying and totally knock me off balance.
Nothing unusual has happened to bring any of this on; it just happens sometimes and takes a long time to stop. I'm very afraid right now and, although I extremely rarely talk about my feelings, etc., I'm so scared. I don't know what to do.

[Jomar]

Have you explored relaxation videos online?
I wonder if those might help a little bit, this one massage therapist - Lita has such a soothing voice while doing massage videos, they asked her to do relaxation and sleep CD/videos too.
samples here-
http://www.google.com/search?q=lita+...vgc&hl=en&aq=f

[hippiechick]

I haven't tried that; I tried reading because I usually read for 3-5 hours each night but I just don't have any concentration tonight. I can't sit still; I can't lie down; I'm just continually walking around the house and have been for hours. I couldn't even talk to my husband tonight when he came home from work. I won't wake him up just to get me through this; he doesn't understand this at all.
I've had a very good friend die this week and another who is going to die any day. I know that, with my dx, I probably don't have too long....and, although I am extremely anxious to go, maybe this week has just been too much. I'm so definitely not afraid...I just feel horribly alone right now.
The crazy thing is, I have every thing in the world to be thankful for. And I am thankful but right now, this is all I can think about. I just want to go to sleep and not have to think about anything for awhile. I don't know why I'm so freaked out right now.

[hippiechick]

I'm really sorry to bother you so late. I think I'll go take more meds and try to go to sleep or something. Thank you so very much for talking to me. I have to get rid of these electrical shocks to my head; they're getting much worse and I just can't do this.

[Abbie]

I know it's hard... I've experienced similar, though not as severe, situations.

Here is something that helps me but I really have to concentrate and you may to...

Try laying down (I lay on my back), closing your eyes, and just concentrating on your breathing. I mean really listening to each breath in and out. (I count to 10 breathing in and 10 exhaling)

Your body is going to do what it is going to do (I've had mine throw me on the floor) but the more you concentrate on your breathing you will be surprised how your body and mind will relax. It may take time.... It does me when my anxiety and body are in full panic and pain revolution!!!

You can try soft music in the background but I don't recommend anything with a bunch of words or the television.


Abbie

[Addy]

(((hippiechick)))) I sure hope that today is a better one for you... and I am so sorry for your losses ...

[hippiechick]

Thank you, everyone....last night was so awful and it just came out of the blue. It hasn't happened like that in quite awhile and it really scared me. I feel that I have no strength lately for the big "fight" in life. I've never had to be such a pain in the behind here before so I really wasn't sure how to get through to someone...
I did listen to the meditations, though, and that began to help. Then I took tons of meds and, after I'd calmed down, I was able to read. Today I seem to be okay. I'm able to manage things during the daytime, but nights are harder. I don't know why; maybe because my friends are sleeping and I'm awake...seems to be a whole different world at night.
I really appreciate the concern and I'm glad that I could count on you for help. That means everything! I haven't been around in a long time but I'll try to be much better. I don't have a quite "normal" life to share with any of you....not all that interesting, anyway. But I promise to try and be a better listener and be around more! Again, thanks so much.