Hello~
I am at a loss. I attempted suicide in 2011 after, losing my mom, in 2009, my dog, 4 months later and my dad had a massive stroke, 6 months after my mom passed away, during a valve replacement surgery on his heart. He di rehab, and lived another 4 years.

I am a single mom, and currently going thru divorce (3rd marriage). I am no longer suicidal and feel I have learned many lessons regarding my suicide attempts. My first when I was 15 yrs old. and several after to my last attempt in 2011.

I have a 26 yr old son, whom I raised with my mom and dad, in their home. His father was a severe alcholic, and had very little if any contact with our son. I also had my sister and her husband (he also passed away this past feb. 2014 from cancer). help in raising my son, an extended family...my sister babysat and helped raise my son while I worked full time, and his cousins all girls, are like sisters to him.

My son is joined the marines at age 18. he aspired to become a Marine all his life, since he was little. My father was also a Marine.

His then girlfriend, followed him to his base after he graduated bootcamp, and they married when they were 18 yrs old. My son never saw combat, but never the less, was effected by the Marines and came home to his grandma passed away, his grandpa having surivived a stroke and now a different man. My husband left me in 2011, and I attempted suicide in my garage, with my dogs in the car ( i did not want to leave them behind).

My son worked part time at the police dept, and heard my address and came upon me in the garage with his peers. He was and is not an officer just a community service pt. He sat across from me, after they got me out of the garage, and I spoke to him, not recognizing him, I spoke of how my son was a Marine, and worked as a pt community police. He was in front of me and I did not recognize him, I had taken many bendaryls and drank, and had the gas running in the garage sitting in my car, so I was really disorientated.

My son called my, niece, and my brother in law (his uncle who helped raise him and since has passed as I mentioned above) to help him sign me into the hospital. It has been 3 yrs. He has a 4 yr old son, and I am never allowed to babysit.

In the years following my suicide attempt my son has been very distant with me, his wife, doesnt like me very much, but said this is his issue.

he has been hot and cold with me, comes around and then, gets angry with me. I have also expressed my hurt from not being included in his or my grandsons life thru fb messages.

recently, my family took a stance and did not wish his wife a happy bday via fb. to show how it feels to be ignored....of course he noticed and contacted my niece.

he told her he cannot ever look at me the same way again, he went all the way back to his 13th bday wich, was a huge disaster with the family fighting, and me leaving my parents house with my son in tow for the night to spend at a friends house. My fam, is highly dsyfucntional, and it was a horrific scene. Never the less, life went on, and I returned home the next day to my parents house and my son and I remained there until he joined the marines.

he is angry with me all the time, and will not let me into his life, and keeps me at a distance. He works many hours and his wife, does not include me in any activities of my grandson.

I just dont know what to do at this point. I know he will not attend therapy with me, refuses, and says I need to continue therapy. I did have intensve 2 week out patient after my hospitalization and regular therapy for a year after that.

I am on different meds and have not attempted suicide again. I am walking around with a broken heart, knowing I caused my only child such pain. I cannot sleep, I am overwhelmed with sadness, hurt, myself.

I just know that this is never going to be healed between my son and I, and I get up each day, and go about my life, and carry this burden in my heart. I have a wonderful relationship with my oldest niece and she allows me to babysit her little ones, and I recieve great joy and love from them.

I just dont know what to do. thank you for listening.