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05-26-2016, 08:14 PM | #281 | ||
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Writing this I just want to cry. Like you said my anxiety level is really high and I just feel like pure ***** all the time. The combination of the depersonaliztion, epilepsy, anxiety, is just killing me. I just been feeling like I think way to much all the time, I don't understand this whole thing we call "Life" anymore. It's way too complex and it just hurts my brain just to think about it all... what's even the point of my existence? Why the hell does life matter if were all just going to die anyway? I just don't understand... And more about school... Still failing half of my classes... yay! *sarcasm* My mom understands that It's hard for me to keep up my grades cause I feel horrible all the time, but my father just does not see it. He says that I look fine and think fine so three is no excuse for my horrible grades. Honestly, don't care if he punishes me at this point cause what do I have to loose? I don't have any friends I have to be seeing and my life is already pointless so what do I care? |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (05-26-2016), eva5667faliure (05-26-2016), ger715 (05-28-2016), OhKay (05-27-2016), PurpleFoot721 (06-19-2016), Wren (05-27-2016) |
05-26-2016, 08:51 PM | #282 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I want to hold you so tight And tell you everything is going to be alright Everything I am much older And I still do wonder What is my purpose I'm getting it I think in my case Later then sooner You are suffering in fear And that is scary But I promise If you just hang on no matter what It does somehow make us stronger It may not make any sense But there is a purpose Wouldn't it be an awesome thing With all the advances made in my lifetime Just amazing I remember being your age and wondering what kind of a mommy I would be My children have their health issues Something hard for me to watch And I remember how being my age fifty five was old I'm not You have to live it to understand And that is just one example You have to live it I wish your trip into growing older be of happiness And know I love you It will be alright You will get it
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someone who cares eva |
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05-26-2016, 09:43 PM | #283 | |||
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Wisest Elder Ever
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please don't give up hope....
you have a full life ahead of you. continue to be patient...it takes time for meds to do their thing and titrating up slowly is the way to go. We don't want to have you over medicated. Have faith that you will feel better.... (((((HUGS))))) bizi
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. Hattie the black and white one wrestling with hazel, calico. lost hattie to cancer..... Happiness is a decision.... 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night I will not give up in this weight loss journey, nor this need to be AF. 3-19-13=156, 6-7-13=139, 8-19-13=149, 11-12-13=140, 6-28-14=157, 7-24-14=149, 9-24-14=144, 1-12-15=164, 2-28-15=149, 4-21-15=143, 6-26-15=138.5, 7-22-15=146, 8-24-15=151, 9-15-15=145, 11-1-15=137, 11-29-15=143, 1-4-16=152, 1-26-16=144, 2-24-16=150, 8-15-16=163, 1-4-17=169, 9-20-17=174, 11-17-17=185.6, 3-22-18=167.9, 8-31-18= 176.3, 3-6-19=190.8 5-30-20=176, 1-4-21=202, 10-4-21= 200.8,12-10-21=186, 3-26-22=180.3, 7-30-22=188, 10-15-22=180.9, |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (05-27-2016), ger715 (05-28-2016), OhKay (05-27-2016), PurpleFoot721 (06-19-2016), Wren (05-27-2016) |
05-27-2016, 06:49 AM | #284 | |||
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Elder
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Some people, like your father, aren't able to understand the hurdles people face if they can't see tangible evidence a problem exists or if someone isn't diagnosed with a widely understood condition. I'm sure that his lack of understanding is hurtful. I'm sorry for that But I'm glad that your mother is supportive.
When your mind is racing or you start to have dark thoughts, Try reminding yourself it's just your anxiety and depression ****ing with you. It seems to make things easier for me sometimes. What are you doing now to try to distract yourself from these kind of thoughts? |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (05-27-2016), eva5667faliure (05-27-2016), ger715 (05-28-2016), PurpleFoot721 (06-19-2016), SamG11 (05-28-2016), Wren (05-27-2016) |
05-28-2016, 11:05 AM | #285 | ||
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To distract myself I've just been doing the same stuff. Playing video games, listening to music, and exercising. I just don't see the point of all this suffering. I just want to feel better.. |
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05-28-2016, 05:39 PM | #286 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Patients Things will happen In time Till then keep occupying yourself Holding you up Love Me
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 05-28-2016 at 08:37 PM. Reason: Typos |
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05-30-2016, 07:01 AM | #287 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Thinking about you
As I think about my childhood And what would be going on When coming into this country and learning at the age of five I would eventually became a citizen My parents would have a cook out And do not think they really understood the magnitude of it all Fireworks across the river when I was six and every year after that What are you doing on this very special day Hoping there are moments that "feeling" be lifted and gone Like a blink of an eye But you know you need to be patient It will happen You be well Thinking of you Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (05-30-2016), PurpleFoot721 (06-19-2016) |
05-31-2016, 08:25 AM | #288 | |||
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Elder
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People of faith find comfort in God, and some tend to think that there is a reason for all things… But I can't find that comfort, and I don't see the point of all our suffering either. However, I am proud of all of the suffering I've been able to endure. It's a show of strength and resiliency. You are strong too, Sam. It is not fair that you have to go through all this ****, but you haven't given in. You have been doing everything you can to get better. You are a fighter. I know things are taking a long time, and you just want to get better. You will. Just keep fighting I'm glad that you are finding ways of distracting yourself. I don't know how you could do more… I find deep breathing exercises helpful when I'm anxious. A breath in through the nose, out through the mouth is "one," the next set is "two," and so forth. It's simple, can be done anywhere, anytime, and can also provide temporary distraction. Thinking of you Sam Kay |
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06-04-2016, 07:16 AM | #289 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Hoping you have some clarity
and that you are able to smile in your day Thinking about you and your braveness It is a good thing you know yourself As only you do I am hoping you have done some homework on the findings So much knowledge Be well Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | OhKay (06-05-2016), PurpleFoot721 (06-19-2016) |
06-04-2016, 03:09 PM | #290 | ||
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Junior Member
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Sam,
I know that I haven't written on here in a while, due to my own battle that I'm fighting, but I check in on your progress almost daily. Your condition reminds me so much of my own. I was doing decent, feeling like I was improving, then in January one doctor chalked everything up to anxiety and depression, and I believed him. The put me on anti-anxiety medication and antidepressants, which all seemed to have negative effects on me. So they kept on upping my doses and adding different medications. The last 5 months have been a blur, and one of the medications even gave me full blown seizures. Now my psychiatrist, my counselor, and my GP all agree that my condition is more physical than mental. Anxiety and depression play a big roll, but they have become intermingled with the physiological aftermath of the concussions that I received. I now have physical sensations in my head at times that I would normally feel emotion. My brain seems to never shut off, and no matter what I busy myself with it seems to always be thinking about my condition; I don't even realize it most of the time. I haven't felt alive in months, I never feel rested, I feel physically sick and get headaches with slight exertion now. I no longer care what anyone thinks of me, which is one of the strangest things since I've been concerned with that for as long as I could remember. My memories are faded, I don't dream, and have extreme trouble focusing my mind on what I need to. I have no emotional attachment to anyone or anything. The things that have always brought me the greatest joy and peace are nothing but dust on the wind. I used to be methodical, confident, exuberant, highly intelligent, extremely athletic, and emotional yet grounded. Now it's extremely difficult for me to take my dog for a walk around the block without feeling like death. Yet I still do. And that is why I tell you all of this. I often feel like life has become meaningless, yet I remember that it used to have meaning to me. Whatever has been done can be undone. I have never laid down before, and I'm not going to start now, and neither are you. We will both be stronger men than anyone can fathom because of what we have been going through, you especially. I was recommended to a neuropsychologist who, after our initial interview, has scheduled 6 hours worth of testing. Due to the fact that they are so booked up, I am waiting to hear when my testing will be. But what is a few more weeks or months of waiting in the grand scheme of things? The doctor will, to the best of his ability, try and determine what is best for me moving forwards. Until then and after, one day at a time. I will let you know of my results soon after I get them myself, whenever that may be. I know that no two brains are alike, what may help one person may not someone else, but our conditions are so similar that I feel like if I find out how to help myself that it may greatly benefit you as well. I hope that this provides you with another avenue of hope. I will continue to check in on you, and will update you on my progress as well, whenever I find out more. Stay strong, Peter |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (06-07-2016), bizi (06-05-2016), eva5667faliure (06-05-2016), ger715 (06-05-2016), OhKay (06-05-2016), PurpleFoot721 (06-19-2016), SamG11 (06-05-2016) |
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