I am sorry but I do not perceive the postings made in the same manner as you seem to do. I do not see people throwing "guilt" onto you. Could your perception be skewed?

The only thing I have seen are people reaching out to you, trying to offer help, trying to throw you a LIFE LINE, NOT guilt. People trying to allow you to see a brighter side. People trying to get you out of the dark hole that I feel you have fallen into.

We all experience moments (or longer) when we wallow in self-pity. We have good reasons for our self-indulgence into that state of mind.

People are trying to pull you from that frame of mind into one where life really can be enjoyed no matter what our afflictions, our tragedies, our history, our prognosis.

From the information I have gleaned from your posts, your physical ailments do not appear to pose a disastrous, never ending, painful prognosis. I can not address your psychological issues and prognosis, but from your listing of physical conditions, there is MUCH hope for recovery.

It is up to YOU, if you want to continue to wallow in self-pity or take control and improve your situation. From what I have read to date, there is much within YOUR control. The question is whether you want to take that control or not.

I REALLY do wish that you would make a choice to take control of your life and make it the best you can. You DO have that power.

Your lack of recognition at work, from your children, from outside sources is not what matters. YOU are what matters. YOU have to be your own best friend. The physical ailments you have mentioned can be managed. You need to work on your mental state if you want to find happiness. It is out there, you just need to want it and work toward obtaining it.

This is NOT to make you feel guilty but to tell you there IS HOPE.

Unless I missed the boat or you have not disclosed other physical ailments, you are NOT doomed to a life of pain and suffering.

Life IS HARD. Some are dealt really bad hands. As I said in a previous post, I am not going to attempt to go head to head on a tragedy contest with you. I am a very private person and very few know the life I have had and my tragedies. AND, I do not pretend to know yours. It is NOT a contest of who has had the worst life experiences.

There will always be someone much better off than you and also much worse. BUT, no matter where we may fall on the spectrum of suffering and bad hands in life, it matters more what we do with the hand we are dealt.

I am sorry for your suffering and have offered everything I can think of to try to assist you toward having hope and a better existence.

I am sorry if you do not like what I had to say in this post but I ask that you at least "think" about it. Please try not to read it with negativity. It is meant to be a positive message, a message of hope, a chance to think that there may be something to seeking self-worth and not being influenced by sources outside of yourself.

I want so much for you to have happiness and that IS within your capability.

Thank you for reading my post and I hope you will think about some of what I have expressed. It is from my heart.

and for these reasons i will not take my life
i walk in circles
wondering to myself
How great was his pain
when my father
dressed as he were off to church
i had left the home at that point
this is not easy to tell
parked his car around the home my parents bought
from that spot, location
he can clearly see the kitchen windows
as i have returned to the spot many times
and just stood there
and tried to imagine what he must have
been feeling
how inebriated was he
what did he ingest before
he took himself out
why was he reaching out for me
WHY DID HE DO IT
HOW COULD HE DO THIS
AND LEAVE US BEHIND
lucky we are
hum i wonder
that he did not take us out first
and then take himself out
why
did he
do it

as my children know the horrific story
they all too tried to kill themselves at least once
are we cursed
is our wiring so fudged up
we don't have a chance
depression
prevalent in my entire family

my son called me
bi-polar and has been on meds
for quite some time now
having switched jobs
doing the same
was assisted how to obtain his $800.00
for just one of the meds here in the USA
what a fudging shame
so we believe
the richest country in the world
and he has no chance of help for
medicines to keep him safe
first to himself
and then to others
MENTAL HEALTH
SOOOOOOOOOO MISUNDERSTOOD
a doctor today to be there FOR the
patient first
taking an oath
to the nurses out there
who nursed me while in this way
i want to say thank you
for honoring your position
they are the true healers
i do not trust doctors
i have experienced so much
in my lifetime in hospitals
and doctors offices
to see what works

i cry e v e r y s i n g l e
morning in my pain and depression
pain is just so great my mind says
there is only one way to rid of this all
a n d i c a n ' t
i LOVE my family that much
i will go through whatever
comes my way
yet i would be a lie to say
i don't think about ending "it"
evil will have prevailed

i love my family
i love my dog
i don't want them to
wonder like i do

like Jesus Christ
i shall carry my own cross

i get you
i truly do
love
me

your mindfulness
no price could match
the care you show
it is in sharing
and true to thyself
and situation at hand
we are human
and your humanitarian instinct
at its best
we need each other
and need to be open to responses
bottom line
we must give everything our all
and the rest will follow
with the strength of this community
love
me

I am in the starting place of grieving my losses. I am asking for your patience. You may have been on this road for a long time. I am just starting. I have to tell you I do not believe there is happiness when you are told I am in the pain for the rest of my life. You have a new normal. I have just started. I worked in an ER I know what docs think of pain patients when they have come in as a frequent flyer looking for more medication. My experience is that we laughed and made fun of those patients. We avoided them like the plaque. We would sedate them with morphine just to get them to shut up. Sorry but this has been my experience in the ER. You all may be different but before coming here my knowledge was of above. I have asked several docs for pain medicine and I am refused. Just go home and live with it is what I am told. I can't get a referral to a pain doc because they want to handle it. My insurance requires referrals. I even called several pain docs who told me they don't treat my kind of pain. Maybe this explains better instead I am having a pity party.

Oh dear dancinglady thank you so very much for this post. You have our patience and our support all the way. We will never leave you.

Pity party anyone ? I've had many of them also. Sometimes I think they actually help me. Weird right ?

I have absolutely no earthly idea why your dr will not refer you to pain mgmt. That is truly what you need....not to just 'live with it'....sounds like it's time to find a new dr ? One with compassion and that will refer you ? They are out there. You just have to keep looking and fight for your right to this every step of the way ! You hear me ? Fight every step of the way...this is your life and they have no right to keep you from some pain relief.

My daughter in law (almost ex now...they signed the papers a month ago) works in the ER and her take is that they know the ones that keep coming for pills or shots and yes they give them to them to just get them gone. But they are compassionate for the ones who truly hurt and need help. They don't see people like us often and they want to help when they do.

3 years ago I lost my job.....a month later I had a 'normal' hysterectomy until the path report came back. I had a rare uterine cancer called Papillary Serous. It had not broken through the uterine wall but I still had to go through 6 rounds of chemo (taxol-carbo) resulting in this horrible SFN. I haven't really found my new normal yet as I have only been in pain mgt for a year. And now with the loss of my husband I don't know when I'll achieve my new normal but I'm going to give it a darn good try.

Thank you again for sharing. We're here to HEAR you and care very much about you. Hopefully you've realized that from all the posts people have made to you.

Here's a special hug just for you from me.

Debi from Georgia

I have been on almost every forum and keep reading all of the different people and their pain problems. Do all of you think it is a good idea to do that? I thought it would be educational but now I am not so sure.

thank you for being honest
you confirm much of the stigma
that comes along with chronic pain
i worked the EMS Division of my town
and i concur how insensitive and immature
and inexperienced young ones are
they were kept in line when i was on the job
never to hear EDP or d-k
drove me nuts
as a recovering alcoholic
with much concern
love
me

what ever makes YOU comfortable
love
me

I admire you.

first let me say I am sorry if what I said seemed to be judgmental I truly did not mean it to be it is just that suicide is a very hard thing for me my son at 18 took his life and my oldest son has tried a number of times so I know how it feels to loose someone in that way once again I am sorry if I upset you in any way