[Alffe]

Just leaving you another hug.... We're here for you dear girl.

[Abbie]

BJ

[FeelinGoofy]

I've been thinking about you to BJ....
{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
vicky

[~scrabble]

I'm wondering how you are doing and I hope you are well.

[BJ]

I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back on here for a while. My days turn into nights and then I don't know where I am. But I can't thank you all enough.

I had #6 today and another 3 next week, Mon, Wed and Fri. I've been talking and talking but I don't think I'm there. I signed myself out twice this week and got half way down the hall and turned back. I think I made a big mistatke because I'm not so sure this is helping me. I even told the anesthesiologist today if I don't do "it" you guys will. I'm shaking constantly and can't even write my name. I can't remember things that I should. My head feels like it's going to explode and I feel like my body is shaking inside.

ECt is not fun but I have to finish the last 3. I realize that I'm grieving, not only for my parents and Mark but for my life. That's why the name MeBP? I'm so worn out you have no idea. Fighting for your life is so tiring. It would have been so much easier ithe other way.

I love you guys so much you have no idea. This is my time to write to family and since they're gone, you are my family. And Vicky, I'm so sorry about the GB problems. I hope it's an easy operation for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

My eyes are closing so I'd better go and catch some more zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs.

[~scrabble]

BJ,

I'm glad you were able to stop by and post but I was sure hoping things would be going better for you than what you've written.

I had also hoped that you might have finished the series of treatments. Are you sure that you HAVE to finish the last 3 next week? I don't know anything about ECT so I don't know how it works and what is necessary but it doesn't sound good. Do you know if your symptoms (shaking constantly, poor memory, feeling so tired) are normal or expected?



I think it is a positive that you realize you are grieving. It is not an easy process but it is an important one.

I do admire your continuing strength and willpower. You are right that fighting for your life is hard and I'm so glad you are doing it.

I hope you are getting some much needed rest.

[bizi]

Dear Girlie,
I am sorry....
that this is so hard for you...
am sorry that you are having this fight with grief...
am sorry that the treatments are giving you these side effects.
I am sorry that I can't give you a real hug because you need real hugs in your life...
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Alffe]

Bj, I'm sorry that so far it doesn't sound like it's working for you. What do the drs. say in terms of giving it more time? Bizi posted this link in one of your threads...http://www.vnstherapy.com/depression/hcp/
and I wonder if it's worth discussing with your drs.? Have they heard of it?

Just a thought honey...I continue to pray for you and I know that you couldn't be trying any harder to get your life under control....I was so hoping ECT would be the solution and am still hoping that.

Please know how much you are admired in this struggle...Life is worth living! and you keep up the good fight...we're right here pulling for you.

[Bryanna]

Hey BJ!
SO good to hear from you :-))

I know nothing about ECT, but can only imagine how drained you feel. Your physical symptoms seem extreme, but not if you consider what the treatment is actually doing to your body. I assume that your doctors can see how shaky you are and would also assume that they are monitoring you very closely just like they do with all of the people who have this treatment. Just keep expressing yourself to them on how you are feeling and take nothing for granted!

Remember that the side effects are temporary so stay focused on the positive and by this time next week, the treatments will be done!

BJ, you are a survivor and you are on the path to a better, healthier life! You can do this!! We are all with you every single day without question ;-))

Many healing hugs to you!
Bryanna

[Spanish Moss]

Dear BJ....I think what you are experiencing is part of the side effects from the treatment ....I think they will probably pass with time.

Just like the terrible side effects some have with chemo when they are fighting for their lives...this is a fight for your life...and it is worth the fight.

Hang in there....I admire your courage and am glad you turned around before getting to the door. That time will come soon enough...in the meanwhile, stay the course!