Thank you Cybil. I found myself walking around the cemetary where Michael is buried with a loaded gun in my hand...wanting to join him. When I told my husband, he got rid of all the guns in the house. This was years ago..Michael killed himself in Jan.90.

It's easy now for me to talk about it because I finally accepted it. Our family will never be the same but we can talk about him now with wonderful memories we share.

And talking about what we are feeling is what this forum is all about. We aren't afraid to talk about "IT".....talking heals us. (((Cybil)))

{{{{alfie}}}
{{{{cybil}}}
G'morning
I am very sorry to read about all this too!!!
It was'nt easy for me to hear my daughter or my son to tell me they have had thoughts of suicide.
Yet when they told me i had to deal with it, because i knew all too well what happenes when you dont!!!
I may not have have handled it perfectly but i did the best i could at the time...I did'nt just ignore it though...
I have bouts of depression on and off where i think about it myself..

I guess what i am trying to say here is, when someone is contemplating "it"
themselves its very hard to talk about it with someone else and actually help that person outta their darkness..
I have found most will brush it off and say oh it will pass.Maybe you just need to get out more..Then change the subject fast!
My husband has a MAJOR hard time with it...He actually stomped off this last time i went through it.He is such an idiot!!
He said how was your day?Like he cares...So i thought ,i will just tell him.If he cant see it all on my face.I will just tell him!!
So i said it was pretty shitty like all the rest of em anymore!!
I am tired of hurting everyday and nobody will help me make it go away!!!
I just wish i were dead!!!!!! He actually turned all red in the face and said.Your gonna have to start helping yourself get outta this mood.
I dunno what to tell ya!! Mayb if you get up off the couch more often you would feel better..Can you believe that????I said ,if i felt better.I would'nt be on the couch!!!!Then he just stomped off and left me sitting there crying.......
He does'nt beleve in depression...I have tried to tell him about our kids being depressed before.He said i'll let you deal with this...

sorry this might be to personal (((hugs)))

sorry this might be to personal (((hugs)))

Thanks for the hugs cybil {{{hugs}}} to you too.
Maybe i should'nt have typed all that info here..
I just kinda start and dont stop sometimes.
I dont have anyone i can talk to ,so icome here!!
I was'nt looking for advice or anything.Just kinda went from one thing to the next in making my point about how some people cant talk about suicide.
I just dont go to him anymore for support...

I really do appreciate the hug though.It let me know you were thinking of me!

kell i know what u mean (((hugs)))

Hugs to You All,
I don't frequent this forum, I usually hang out on the chronic Pain or Spinal Disorders, so I hope you don't mind me jumping in here with all.
Though I don't personaly know anyone that has commited suicide, I do want those of you that have to know you have my heart felt sympathy, I can only imagine the pain it has brought you as I have seen what I have done to my Children and loved ones by my last sucsseful attempt that the drs managed to bring me back from, that was back in "96" and I pray that I never try that route or any like it again.
I say that I believe that I never will do that again and say that I won't but in my heart of hearts I know that I can not promise as the last time was the first time that it was actually not planned out in my mind and I had not been thinking about, it was at a time when life was pretty good at least for what my life had always been.
I'd like to say that I have done a lot of research, talking to professionals since then and think I have a better understanding now of suicide traits of it, yes suicide can be an inheritaed gene one is born with, a chemical imbalance that has been passed on.
I don't know if I got mine that way or not but I do remember being suicidial from a very early age and eeven know now that when I wasn't even actualy planning it or thinking about it I was living life with it on my mind.
I also know that all 3 of my children have not only had the thoughts but have tried it and believe it's hard to try and tell your children how wrong it is when they have been in the waiting room of the hospital waiting to find out if their mom was going to make or or end up a vegetable forever, God how I hate what I have done to them.
Of course it is not always an inhertiated trait it just can be.
Anyway I understand it to be that it is one thing to think about," wishing that you were dead" and "how great it would be not to have to suffer with this life any longer", this is what some would call "normal" thinking.
It is now time to get help when you have not just thought about wishing you were dead, but have actually laid a plan as to how you will do it and even then when of it.
I know there was a time in my life when and if I was able to sleep I did so with a "22" hand gun under my pillow, just so that if I should not be able to bear the emotional pain of the night for one sec. longer I would just blow my brains out.
Funny you know I haven't had a suicdial though now that I have lived with CP for over 7yrs and with the possibilty of being paralized for me it has been the emotional pain that has always gotten me so down, I admit I often think of how I'm ready to go on but not of killing myself, there is a difference.
Anyway I just wanted to vpince my opinion and to tell you all how not alone you are and how sorry I am for those of you that have lost a loved one this way and for those of you that feel you may be at this point, know this there is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it the only real shame is not getting it when you do.
Hugs to all.
Linda

Sorry this is so long.

thanks linda for being honest (((hugs)))

Thank you so much Linda. Big hugs headed your way.

This is a very old thread, from 06, but has much important information in it about suicide ideation from Doody that I didn't want people to miss it. *grin