Thank you so much for your info. This site is wonderful and so are the people. I am still getting used to it and it took me awhile to find your note. Thank you! I am in Portland Oregon

I am so sorry about Michael. 32 is much too young to die. My husband had just turned 40. Yes, this just happened on October 6, 2007. Again, so much thanx for all your info.

Hi ((nohope)).

I'm glad you've had such wonderful responses (which, by the way, is not surprising at these wonderful forums). And I'm equally glad Ms. Alffe is checking up on us from a long distance vacation.

You live in beautiful country out there. I once lived in Brookings, OR. I pray you find a group such as the ones Alffe speaks of.

Bless you and your children.

Thank you for the response. My parents currently live in Brookings Oregon!

nohope -- please know that my thoughts, hopes and prayers and with you. I'm so glad you found this site.

They are!!!??? That's where my daughter's father still lives. He's on about his, oh...4th or 5th wife, LOL! Such beautiful country.

I'm so glad you found us as well AND found your way back.

There are so many wonderful people in this forum community. You will like the friendships you make here and the comfort.

Firstly i must warn you i'm the other spectrum of this forum, those that are actual survivors of attempted suicide.

I don't condone what i did [16 years ago] and at that specific time the demon drink played a hand in events. But my mental health was the key factor.
My in-laws, and family... couldnt't understand...i had a beautiful wife[still have] a young son of four months my own house etc...
but what everyone else saw was a balanced mind......sadly inside i was not ...


Whatever you feel about the act... do not see it as an afront/or snub to you and your children...Your husband would never have intentionaly wanted to hurt you.

But he has....and your pain anguish and anger are humanly justified...
But years on from my own experience you have to accept the past forgive it if you can and LEARN FROM IT.

YOU WERE NOT THE REASON HE DIED, HE chose to or ended up on a path of self for filling prophesy where sadness and desperation lead people into irational behaviour... Self medication through Alcohol is common in underlying mental health...its not the answer ... but sometimes its the soloution.. Alcohol is an addiction... it comforts you when your low,//makes you laugh when your happy...feeds you when your emoitionaly hungry//never answers you back or disputes what your thinking or saying. Defends you when you think your in the right//diserts you when you know your in the wrong// but above all when you need an ear//a shoulder to cry on/ drink is always there.


I know several people, who the world thought were strong and upstanding, and had meaning to live, yet took their own life and left distraught families in their wake...Why we will never truley know... because sadly we dont live in the minds of others.

I truley wish you peace in your trauma, and pray this pain will gradualy reduce.

If you ever feel the need to be angry and shout, i am more than willing to listen.............

DAVID

HI Hope... I mean... nohope...

Trust me, you are blessed to have found this forum... it won't take you long to learn it.

I have lost relatives and close friends to suicide. I have never attempted it myself. I have felt suicidal. I am, thankfully, medicated and doing very well now.

I believe that many of us are here because we have lost a way of life.

Take care! Addy

P.S.
I haven't been here lately because I am in the midst of starting a new chapter in my life. I will write a separate thread about it so that everyone can stop wondering

Nohope you know that you can post and read in all the threads here, or start a new one if this one gets too long. I think the tendency for suicide runs in families..your husbands family is an example of that...I also think there is a true link to alcohol and suicide.

I think I was about 10 yrs old the first time I thought about it. I was sitting on a step right by the two lane road that ran past my uncles farm in southern Indiana...I loved visiting there and was having a wonderful time.
A big semi truck was coming down this road and into my mind jumped the thought...I'm going to get up and run in front of it! Obviously I didn't but I remember being suprised at myself that I'd think of such a thing.

The last time I thought about it was when I was walking around the cemetary with a loaded gun...Michael was freshly buried there and I wanted to join him. I told my husband, gave him the gun and have never again considered doing that. Oh, I wished I were dead plenty of times but could never put my loved ones through that after learning first hand what it does.

And David, I think you understand all too well about self medicating with alcohol (as do I)....just do not have access to a gun while doing it.

Well folks.....are we having fun yet? Very heavy conversation so early in the morning.

Lots of tears