Talking about suicide....

bizi · 04-13-2008, 08:39 PM

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...uicide_suicide

What You Can Do to Help Someone

Among the many things you can do to help someone who is depressed and may be considering suicide, simply talking and listening are the most important. Do not take on the role of therapist. Often, people just need someone to listen. Although this might be difficult, the following are some approaches that have worked for others:

Express empathy and concern.
Severe depression is usually accompanied by a self-absorbed, uncommunicative, withdrawn state of mind. When you try to help, you may be met by your loved one’s reluctance to discuss what he or she is feeling. At such times, it’s important to acknowledge the reality of the pain and hopelessness he or she is experiencing. Resist the urge to function as a therapist. This can ultimately create more feelings of rejection for the person, who doesn't want to be "told what to do." Remain a supportive friend and encourage continued treatment.
Talk about suicide.
Talking about suicide does not plant the idea in someone’s head. Your ability to explore the feelings, thoughts and reactions associated with depression can provide valuable perspective and reassurance to your friend or loved one who may be depressed. Not everyone who thinks of suicide attempts it. For many, it's a passing thought that lessens over time. For a significant number of people, however, the hopelessness and exaggerated anxiety brought on by untreated or under-treated depression may create suicidal thoughts that they can’t easily manage on their own. For this reason, take any mention of suicide seriously.

If someone you know is very close to suicide, direct questions about how, when and where he or she intends to commit suicide can provide valuable information that might help prevent the attempt. Don’t promise confidentiality in these circumstances. It’s important for you to share this information with the individual’s doctor.
Describe specific behaviors and events that trouble you.
If you can explain to your loved one the particular ways his or her behavior has changed, this might help to get communication started. Compounding the lack of interest in communication may be guilt or shame for having suicidal thoughts. Try to help him or her overcome feelings of guilt. If there has already been a suicide attempt, guilt over both the attempt and its failure can make the problem worse. It’s important to reassure the individual that there’s nothing shameful about what they are thinking and feeling. Keep stressing that thoughts of hopelessness, guilt and even suicide are all symptoms of a treatable, medical condition. Reinforce the good work they’ve done in keeping with their treatment plan.
Work with professionals.
Never promise confidentiality if you believe someone is very close to suicide. Keep the person’s doctor or therapist informed of any thoughts of suicide. If possible, encourage them to discuss it with their doctor(s) themselves, but be ready to confirm that those discussions have taken place. This may involve making an appointment to visit the doctor together or calling the doctor on your own. Be aware that a doctor will not be able to discuss the person’s condition with you. You should only call to inform the doctor of your concern.

Whenever possible, you should get permission from your loved one to call his or her doctor if you feel there’s a problem. Otherwise, it could be seen as "butting in" and may worsen the symptoms or cause added stress. Of course, if you believe there is a serious risk of immediate self-harm, call his or her doctor. You can work out any feelings of anger the person has towards you later.
Stress that the person's life is important to you and to others.
Many people find it awkward to put into words how another person's life is important for their own well-being. Emphasize in specific terms to your friend or loved one how his or her suicide would devastate you and others. Share personal stories or pictures to help remind your loved one of the important events in life you’ve shared together.
Be prepared for anger.
The individual may express anger and feel betrayed by your attempt to prevent their suicide or help them get treatment. Be strong. Realize that these reactions are caused by the illness and should pass once the person receives proper treatment.
Always be supportive.
People who have thought about, or attempted, suicide will most likely have feelings of guilt and shame. Be supportive and assure them that their actions were caused by an illness that can be treated. Offer your continued support to help them recover.
Take care of yourself.
It’s not uncommon for friends and family members to experience stress or symptoms of depression when trying to help someone who is suicidal. You can only help by encouraging and supporting people through their own treatment. You cannot get better for them. Don’t focus all of your energy on the one person. Ask friends and family to join you in providing support and keep to your normal routine as much as possible. Pay attention to your own feelings and seek help if you need it. (top)

Abbie · 04-13-2008, 09:03 PM

Please...
if someone tells you they don't want to be here...

not that anyone here would do this... but ...please don't tell them...

I don't believe you want to die... if you did you would already have done it...

This happened to me recently....

I struggle daily...

abbie
(mods...delete if this crosses the line...)

Burntmarshmallow · 04-13-2008, 09:34 PM

Bizi tons and tons of thank yous for that link! I do feel kinda bummed that my pal is feeling depressed cus who wants their friend feeling sad and all... no one dose.

Abbie

I hope that what I am chatting about is not making you more sad or anything. I am sorry if it is because I honestly do not want to make anyone unhappy or anything remotely close to that.
so in the link info it says "Do not take on the role of therapist". since I have been through rough times myself and have gotten pro help would it be wise to use some of the things that I learned and that helped me should I say this helped me ect ect... or should I just listen ? I guess that is a play it as it goes sorta thing eh?!!
well all the info I have gotten from you both will be put to good use and I thank you from my heart for sharing and helping. I will probly be back here posting if I need more help or have questions as I move through this with my friend.

THANK YOU!!!!!
Peace
BMW

Abbie · 04-13-2008, 09:35 PM

BMW... keep talking...

I'm ok.
Abbie

bizi · 04-13-2008, 11:38 PM

BMW,
yes tell her some things that helped you.....do this in baby steps too....let her reactions guide you. You are her friend and friends share....let her vent as much as possible....let her talk as much as she wants...learn how to have a pause in the conversation...long pauses in conversations can be uncomfortable but will allow her the time to verbalize the hard things that she may be feeling. Of course ask open ended questions to encourage better dialogue.
I wish you much luck with your friend....does she have a pdoc/tdoc or taking meds to help with depression?
you could encourage her to seek professional help if she doesn't have that worked in yet.
you are a good friend.
bizi

Burntmarshmallow · 04-14-2008, 07:46 AM

Bizi I sent you a private message but wanted to post and say thanks so so much for helping and sharing that info and the link.
I will let you know how things go . God Bless!!!!
Peace
BMW

Alffe · 04-14-2008, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nik-key

I have found a safe place to talk and share here. I can't stop talking about it. I won't. To pretend it didn't happen would be a dishonor to those we have lost. I have no shame for what my Dad did. My heart aches for him.

I'm sorry , I know I am raw, but our society just makes me sick sometimes.
What we need more of is empathy and compassion. If everyone could just try to walk that mile in another persons shoes.....to think before they judge........or.......just shut the hell up and stop the poison

I have to say one more thing that is really bugging me of late. Its this whole suicide is a sin. I looked it up with my minister, there is nothing in the Bible that says that. Is it then mans interpetation? I really think little of how man thinks. With that thinking though, putting ones animal down, is that murder?
A person, terminally ill, who refuses treatment, is that self murder too?
No resuscitation orders, no extremes measures orders, are those all murder too?

I keep thinking of my poor aged great uncle. Two years ago, he was dying , there was nothing that could be done. Nothing. He was 91, and had lived such a kind wonderful life. How did he die? "Natural" causes. That is what it is called. But, he was literally starved to death! Food and water were stopped. This is humane? It took him 9 days to die. THIS is acceptable to our society? I say, stop the insanity!

ummmm, thanks in advance for letting me get that off my chest

There is a whole thread about end of life choices Nikki...you probably haven't have a chance to read it. Some people think it's odd that I'm an advocate for legalizing assisted suicide for the terminally ill.

My neighbor said something else that struck a cord...she said no one calls anymore...that her phone rang off the hook 5 weeks ago but now, not even her family calls her.

Nohope...seems I remember you saying pretty much the same thing.

Burntmarshmallow · 04-14-2008, 02:35 PM

first I have to say that nik-key... you seem fimular to me and I need to ask if we might have met on line a few years ago and ask if you have t.n.????? And also nik-key how sorry I am to hear of such a hard thing... things you are dealing with.

there are many many folks here that care and listen and help you have found your way to a wonderfull place here at neuro talk

!
---------------------------------
second had long visit with friend and things went well the info perpared me and was so right on and helpful. I am very greatfull for everyones help and the talking of it and info. it ment so much to get it and is PRICELESS!!!!!!!!
so from myself and my good friend a huge heartfelt thank you Biziz Abbie and alffe. I am so glad you all are here and have helped me. i dont know what else to say except God bless... and i may need you again cus i am not a pro at this or nothing and I dont want anything to happen to my friend.
I am really wiped out from last night and my day so far today .the weather is windy out and to get cold for florida tonight so my T.N is flaring up a bit right now I need to go relax and maybe possibly sleep . gosh stress isnt fun.
Peace , many thanks and A truck full of blessings to each of you!

.
BMW

Alffe · 04-14-2008, 03:38 PM

That is such an excellent link Bizi posted...I think it needs to to stickied to the top of the forum.

Abbie · 04-14-2008, 04:10 PM

Some days... most days I have a hard time here... I feel guilty.

I read what you have written about how you feel because you've lost someone to suicide.

I struggle daily, fighting so that I don't make anyone feel what many if not all of you feel.

I don't want to hurt anyone...

Abbie
(don't worry... i'm not doing anything... i'm just verbalizing...)

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