BMW
A helpful well to broach the topic with someone who iS feeling very low is TO slip a note into their hand when you leave. on the note write. 'when your ready to talk, i'm hear to listen ALWAYS]Giving an individual you care about who is low... free reign, to talk, ramble, rant,.IS HARD FOPR THEM.

If you think about this logicaly, you may see why its so hard for our friends and loved ones to talk about their emotions. Why?....because they are hurting really bad and misguidedly feel they are protecting those who care about them ,from what they may say.,as they dont want to upset them. This is part of depression...issolation.

.because as humans its like fight or flight.. survival.

Sadly most humans react foolishly when someone they know say's 'i'm depressed'. Its either 'pull yourself together or they withdraw contact until someone is back on track.
By offering a listening ear, you open up a box, be sure you can cope with what comes out. If you close it to soon it may never open again. listen dont talk, by that i mean try not to make comparrison to your life, and experiences it may end up dominating the conversation, or restataining the person from being open .. By allowing someone to talk, offering a shoulder , passing a tissue, and saying 'tell me more' creates a safe environment for emotional dialogue' [ also take care of you]

Bizzi.... great post with great information.

Abbie keep taking my friend................

Nik-key theres an old saying 'what goes arround comes arround'

Alot of people dont realise that there is a 90% chance that at some point in their life they will be affected by a 'Mental Illness'

There are times when occassionaly real morons, have to be reminded of this fact.

others are suffering from NIMBY syndrome...'not in my back yard'

its never touched their lives therefore its a myth or selfish and weak act to be low enough to want death. Sadly some people are so insular they can not listen to reason. These are the 'i know better than you' people...these people are those whose oppinion is totaly unvalid..because while their judging others their own lives are crumbling, and they just cant see it.

Until we die not one person knows what is in the afterlife..i therefore at present think its more important to help people live a life ....in this life.


everyones issues are their own, to them a mountain to others a mole hill...and .....visa-versa.


hugs to the room

David

Bless you abby....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Abbie

Bmw, I was a member years ago on the TN forum. Brain talk, and all its changes too. When I lost my baby, then my husband being diagnosed with Alzheimer's well...I lost touch. AD has taken over my life. Where you always BMW? Thank you for your concerns and support

Alffe, no I haven't yet to look at that post..when I am stronger I will have to do that. I am so sorry to hear of your neighbor and her tragic loss

I wasn't going to write today, it was 4 weeks friday, and a month yesterday...and I have poured my heart out to all of you and find I am just mentally exhausted. But, I did come back tonight......I saw BMW looking for help, and I saw how angry my reply seemed about our society and its cruelty........so I felt a need to post.

Firstly, I guess...I should say......I too have been on the other side. Maybe that is what makes me so angry when judgements are passed. When I was first diagnosed with TN, I did everything asked of me, I tried all the medications, had 3 brain surgeries. I was left drooling from the meds, overdosed by doctors telling me to keep upping the dose. All surgeries were failures, and left me worse off than I was to start. Due to the surgeries, I now have anesthesia dolorosa too.

I was told when I was diagnosed, the good news is it isn't fatal...the bad news was I would wish it was. It wasn't a lie. I had two people who helped me, who gave me a reason, above my great love of my family...to stay.

I was spiritual always, but not overly religious(still more spiritual). I had no minister, no one I felt I could talk with. A new minister had come to our local church. I thought I would go talk with him, I wanted to know if I took my life, if God would forgive me and allow me in Heaven. He answered of course He would, that God loved me. The rest of what we talked on, is still too personal to share. He changed my life. He moved away to CA before Lynn was diagnosed with AD, but he is now in contact with me again since Dad passed.

The other person, my Dad . I talked with him about it..I was 31, I couldn't imagine living a life in this kind of pain, forever. My Dad told me I HAD to stay, that he needed me, that I had to stay and fight. We talked and talked on different things. After he took his life, was the second time I had these thoughts. I wanted to be with him, and I thought perhaps this was his way of saying I could stop fighting now, to come join him.

Mark, my Minister, is helping with this too. I do still fight wanting to be here. It isn't so much I want my life to end, I LOVE LIFE!! Its that I want the pain to end. Does that make sense? I can't imagine carrying on without my Dad, I think of all the loss that is yet to come....My soulmate to Alzheimer's....I lose a bit more of him every day......

Mark said something, that at first ****** me off, but now I get, sort of. I told Mark the fact is, my Dad didn't love me enough to stay! I had loved him so much, my family so much.....that I would face a life with daily horrific pain, to just be here with them. To treasure every pain filled moment, because I had them to share it with. He then said, this wasn't about me. Excuse me? THIS has everything to do with me, can you not hear my anguish? But he is right. This was Dad's choice. I had no say, no control. If I love him enough, I will accept and perhaps some day, respect his choice. It IS about him, not me.

BMW I agree with David, the best thing you can do for someone, is to offer to listen. When you say anytime, make it clear, you mean any time, 24 hours a day. Offer love, show them worth, and like you already have...how much you care. I am not sure how I would have reacted if a friend or family had approached me. I think I would have lied, and say of course not! I am fine.

It took me needing to talk about it, to be ready on my own. Even at that what got me talking was not to friends or family, I didn't want to hurt them. So when I was sure I couldn't go on, I reached out to a stranger, a Minister. I went there for one reason, and one reason only. But, through 3 years of talking, any time........I gained so much more.

Your a great friend BWM, it is a hard thing to talk about. I am glad you care enough to be there and offer your friend support.

to the room, Nikki

Nikki . I do remeber you a little bit from b.t. old one. I am burntmarshmallow here (bmw is shorter)my real name is Tina
I was and am beaming66 over there but I dont post there just belong so I can message a few of the folks there, I find neuro talk much more to my liking . I have anesthesai dolorosa and when I mentioned the word suicide over there ... well
things got kinda ugly I just didnt fit in much and I was suprised that no one would admit to ever thinking of ending things. I really felt the chesse stands alone, A freak , the one who was way far out there. I felt hey these are people like me same kinds of pain and dealing with the same type of things,issues ... yet why was I the only one feeling like I was. why ?? why was it like that?? why was there no one else? not that I want anyone else in that position cus it is a hell no one can even imagne and no one should go threw it not for one second. so that just made things worse.
my pain all the stuff i had gone threw how i was affecting my family my friends ..what friends I didnt have any really. I dont have one friend today that was a friend of mine before my accident. before face pain and ending with a.d. . I am the first in the u.s.a. to try a neuro stimulator for face pain.
part of my trial by jury was to get a neruo stim. it is still not approved by the gov. for use in face pain. You may remeber Kim or Kimmers from b.t. ?? she was the second and Katie the third . well the neuro stim probly saved my life. it helps me take the edge off the worst pain. it dose not take all the pain away. It did help more then any medication I had been on. it gave me part of my life back.
I had to learn to use mouth again to eat had a speech coach for a bit... ect ect. and that is a whole diffrent story. haveing taught my 2 gilrs how to eat now there is mom slopping and drooling tring to eat...
anyways since I got something to help take just a little bit of the pain away. here I am today trying to help others with pain. And yes I was suicidal , took going threw 4 or 5 diffrent councilors till I found one who I could talk to. I dont go to church I was never brought up going to church,never christened or baptised I am more spiritual , I am very spiritual, and believe in God but in my own way. and if I can help you in any way I will bend over bakwards to do so!
okay okay yes I made my long long story as short as possible skipping over many details but I am sure one can get the picture here?
my friend who is depressed she is my best friend I ever had and do have. I filled Bizi in on things yesterday in a private messge. we talked ... i started she finaly let things out and called made apt. for pro help. things will be bumppy but isnt eveyrthing? we are more closer then ever b.t.w. and I was afraid me sharing would make her not like me or like others shed just not be a freind anymore. but it didnt turn out that way thank God. AND Thankyou everyone for helping me help her. I am sure I will be posting in here as things move along
I am so greatfull and find it a very big blessing to have neuro talk and the caring people who are here helping and listening.
Peace
BMW

Is suicide a choice? Choice implies that a suicidal person can reasonably look at alternatives and select among them. If they could rationally choose, it would not be suicide. Suicide happens when...no other choices are seen.

--Anina Wrobleski,, Suicide: Why? (1995)


I bumped up this old thread for an earlier poster who was grieving the loss of a friend.

I hope you'll come back and talk to us if possible.

OK,

I can talk about suicide. I don't have depression or any mental illness what means I am still normal.

The very first time (I was 23 years and 9 months old) I had terrible pains all over my head, face, neck and the worst in the eyes. I was working in other country in the factory (production). I had to work there for one year and later came to the office.

As in the big hall were also big windows, always open (January) the steady cold wind from outside made me totally finished. I wasn't able to work. One Friday noon, when was the time for the lunch (one hour), I went out direct to my apartment, took 24 pills and felt in deep sleep. I didn't think about suicide. All I wanted is to get rid of the pains and sleeping is the best medicine for that.

Unfortunately I was found by my neighbour, woman. She has called ambulance and has rescued me. I woke up in the hospital at NOON on Sunday, what means I was in deep sleep exactly 48 hours. After that I had to stay one month in the hospital for different examinations. What is strange: people thought I did it because of some unhappy love!

Because of my pains I took later pills more times but because of my mother and other people important to me I have called the doctor in the last minute.
My taking pill was "CALL FOR THE HELP". Even that doesn't help as healthy people they have all; they don't understand why somebody wants to die? There are many reasons for trying to commit suicide.

I think so: if somebody needs help, try to help him! Not all are for psychiatrists or for psychiatric clinic. I want to do that but on other way.

B.

Hi bozena115

Pain is a terrible thing and can drive the mosy tollerent of people to utter and sometimes tragic distractions.

Learning to cope with pain is also very hard to do. many years ago when i tried to take my life, i was in a great deal of pain [i had broken my back 8 months before] the pain was repetative pain even constant. With this type of pain, those around us become overly familiar to our complaints of pain..... occassionaly this can cause selective deafness...where people just stop listening to people when they say their in pain.....Worse still they stop asking how you feel, because they know the answer before you reply.

The brain is a very complex thing, but clever enough to know it can only cope with one pain at a time.....I over came [and still do low back pain] with a TENS machine.... which shoots out electrical impulses...which confuse the nerves in my spine that are actualy causing the pain....

but before i discovered this help [from a pain clinic] Depression took over and consumed me..

I fully understand suicide has no fully paid up membership with the insane, paritialy insane or those on a momentary blip of insanity.......PAIN can summon this demon at any time...[ during the Falklands War i know of a soldier who shot himself because his leg had been amputated]

The worst of all pain though, is no-one hearing the pain.............which more often than not cannot be seen.........

David

if anything i proved no one talks about it???????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????

Hi David,

Thank you for reply.

I don't know why I can listen to everybody who has any pain: is that because of me and my pains or is that because all in medicine interests me. I want to know about everything.
My plan is to know medical astrology very good and start to help to the people: they already have pains or they have "conditions" to get some illness: like kidneys (they don't hurt until is too late), heart (heart doesn't hurt, there are other symptoms) and so on. That is reason also, in the last time I am talking a lot with all people working in that area: medical doctors, nurses, masseurs, chiropractors and other. I want to know as much as possible. Maybe is that my mission?

Send you kind regards,
Bozena

Leaving you a hug my friend and an earlier post...

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread115556.html