Hi Bozena and welcome to this family. Listening, really listening to people who are suffering with pain is life saving.

I believe that physical and mental illness come hand-in-hand.

When one is consumed with a physical illness the mind can be consumed with hatred towards the ailment/pain and we can twist that hatred towards ourself and our will to live.

When one is consumed with a mental illness it seems that aches and pains are exacerbated adding to the mentail anguish because we can't sleep with pain.

Its a vicious circle... and we require a ton of strength to have the will to fight both.

So many outside stressors factor in to the pains we feel which include money worries, watching the news and the horror of wars or natural disasters...

David, I agree with your wholeheartedly... your words have reached me more times that you can ever imagine.

Bozena115 - I think that you are a compassionate person who cares ... one who has the need to understand the pain of others as your wish is to help them.

Addy, thank you.
I am that.

We are different people about some accidents that happen to us.

F.e. in my town was one man, 23 years old. He had accident with motorbike and has lost his leg. This man was so disappointed that he drunk every day as much as possible until he was found dead.

Last year, here on TV was again other man, 27 years old who lost one leg (amputation) driving motorbike. I was astonished how in good mood he was talking to the journalist about his future plans with his many friends. I think he had also girl friend that didn't leave him.

Third example: my mother before death had first black foot finger, what went further on until all foot was black. Doctor told her she should have surgery to save her leg. She didn't want and always talked: I don't want to die without my leg! I don't want to die without my foot.
Nobody asks you what you want, especially in such a case.
Finally she had amputation of her leg until knee. After that she was very sad and very disappointed that on the end she died three months after surgery.

I am telling that somebody can die from sadness. Doctors tell me, it is not that. From people don't die from sadness but they get lung embolia and die from that.

I want to say: somebody is lucky even without leg or without arm: lucky to be alive at all.
Somebody is very unlucky without one finger. It depends all from ourselves, how strong we are, do the people love us as we are; do we love us as we are and so on.

Somebody kills himself because of the lost love because he can't live without this person; the other one finds other love and is happy again.

In that case is good to study how people react. by different accidents.

B.

Bozena... There is a vast range of reasons why one person can live without their leg... without their lover... without their health....

Each one of those people have had different lives which led them to that point in time ... and based on what they believe ... and based, sometimes, on their support group (family, friends, doctors, etc)... they make their decisions.

Sometimes their decisions are impaired by clinical depression or substance (alcohol ... drugs)... and even with the best support group in the world - sometimes its not recognized until its too late..

I think you will grow to learn that perhaps you are one of those people who can support and lead someone on the path to good mental health. I only caution you to remember that you cannot change anyone... the power to change is within each of us... but we can only change ourselves. Perhaps that change involves understanding those who we wish we could change...

and that's all it is... its a wish....

----------------------------------------------------

Yesterday .... the sun was bright in the sky... just as it is today.

I was overwhelmed with despair and sadness... (my mother unexpectedly died the day I had moved 500 miles to a new job... during my 6 weeks of new job training I was "let go - read that: fired" - because the person they hired wasn't the person I had turned into (my Mom had died for Gods' sake!).... I could go on and on... as 2010 has been a real shocker for me.... )

Finally... just before sunset (which is early at this time of year)... I grabbed my coat and drove down to the beach for a walk. On the way, I stopped and bought myself some pretty carnations. And after my walk, I read my book called "The Four Agreements".

I'm striving to learn the 4 agreements:

• be true to my word
  don't take anything personally
  don't make assumptions
  always do my best

And then later that evening, I reached out and phoned my sister... because only my sister can understand my pain... we no longer have our Mom to call... she's just not there anymore... and she loved us unconditionally.... and I am just so sad.

I do have a new job and a wonderful support group of friends and family... I have my health and a lovely little apartment ... and my lovely grandaughter ... I have my singing and ....

I have all of you here.

For all of that ... and more... I am truly grateful!

I'm just really sad right now.


Thanks for listening

Addy, again let me tell you how sorry I am about your mother dying..I have heard it said that when our mothers die, it's like the nucleus of the family dies..granted not all family members feel this way but I certainly did when my mom died.

"be true to my word
don't take anything personally
don't make assumptions
always do my best "

That's a lot to strive for, the first and last one I can do...but those middle two would change my life if I could succeed at them. ~sigh

I wish I could walk on that beach with you and give you a hug.
Do you like the new job? Maybe it was a blessing to lose that other one.

And sisters are wonderful....don't know what I would do without them.

'THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I'


'A MILE IN AN, OTHERS SHOES IS CONSIDERABLY LONGER THAN WE THINK?'

Addy, the loss of those we truly love is a void unfillable, but an empty glass of life with an unstopable tap...will eventualy re-fill with other love......not that of what we have lost, but new LOVE...

i hope so much your tap of life drips quickly to replenish the void you feel, may it bring you joy and everlasting happiness.

Loss is desperate, it's debillitating, but like nature itself...spring brings with it new life, new experiences, HOPE...................

wHEN MY FATHER DIED i truly believed,,,,,,,,no good could ever be again..........GOD THERES MORE BAD.......but yes the good occassionaly happens aswell......[i just have to acknowledge the everyday miracles more]

take care my friend
David

BUMPING this up for our new friends in SOS.


TALK IS GOOD

dAVID

David and Alffe ... bless you both for your words which I treasure!

Since writing the above, I've had a plethora of opportunity come my way...
opportunity (time and friendships) to squash the anger ....
opportunity to work ... (picture this: a tea pot shop which sells teas and treasures - across the street from the OCEAN! - yes! Alffe, I love it!)
opportunity (time!) to sleep ...
opportunity (time!) to mourn ...

I have a million thank yous for everyone in this forum... that you ALL for being YOU and for being here when you hear my calls for help....

Alffe... those 4 agreements are difficult and, like you, I struggle with "taking things personally" and "making assumptions"....
Apparently a 5th agreement book is now being published.... another challenge for us!

David - one of my favourite sayings is - thank you for reminding me of it! - its the one quote I kept when moving here!


Addy

When in deep water, become a diver."

Addy

LMAO I love it................become a diver."



and thank you Addy for all your support

David

Bump......because!