I started to post this last night but never pushed the post button because I couldn’t. I met someone last summer when I was in the hospital. We became very close and I felt like we were becoming good friends. She had a hard life doing drugs and alcohol and her family offered her no support. Even though I was so busy during tax season I kept in contact and I would text message or call at the drop of a hat because I knew she wasn’t doing well and she was so lonely. She’s been in and out of the hospital numerous times since I was there and I went to visit her whenever she was there because she could never catch a break from life and went through one bad relationship after another.

She sent me a text message on Wednesday while I was at work and said she needed to talk and would I come over after my appointment. Naturally I said yes. But I got so hung up with “me” stuff, and worrying about getting Hooper out of doggie day care I totally forgot. I came home and was so emotionally drained from my tdoc appointment I took a long bath and actually slept four whole hours.

I was going to post in the AM before I went to work but when I woke up there was a message on my cell phone. It was from K’s mom. She never showed up the night before at her job as a bartender. Her mom couldn’t reach her on her cell so she decided to check her apartment and she found her. They’re waiting for the toxicology results but they think it was heroine. I knew she was hurting but I never thought she’d do this. But what hurts is her mom said to me “I knew she’d end up this way”.

I don’t even know how I feel right now. She wasn’t BP or anything, just severely depressed and tired of fighting. The viewing is tomorrow and the funeral is on Monday. I usually don’t go to these because they’re triggering but I have to, for her. I want her to know that even though her family didn’t care much, I did.

Alffe thanks for reaching out to me. I’m taking your advice and taking Hooper out to the park. It’s not sunny and it’s quite chilly but I need to think about things.

I am so sorry BJ and I know you will find no comfort in knowing that you really were her friend, maybe her only friend. Unfortunately we just can't give people the will to live...it's hard enough to take care of ourselves.

thank you for having the courage to talk about it and giving us the chance to comfort you.

(((BJ)))Thinking about you and sending you heartfelt hugs.

(((((((((BJ))))))))))))
praying and sending love, hugs and deep sympathy

Cheri

I am so sorry about your friend. She was ill and nothing you could say or do would have changed it so please don't blame yourself. It is sad that her family feels this way. I think you should go to the funeral for your friend. You were there for her in more ways than you know. My prayers going up for her and you.

BJ, {{{HUGS}}} I"m so sorry. Its very likely that you probally were her only true friend. heroine addiction is such a hard addiction to beat. I admire you for being so brave and going to the funeral... My thoughts and prayers will certainly be with you....
vicky

i am really sorry about your friend. this is something that touches everyone like a ripple and you have my prayers. the funeral will be tough, but you are doing the right thing. you and your friend will be in prayers and thoughts.

Oh Bp. So much to deal with. So many life's harsh dealings. Benton and now your friend. Someone posted to me that if they couldn't stop their husband's alcohol abuse, what made them think they could stop suicide. I am trying so hard to remember who that was, forgive me. I really feel your friend wanted to say good bye. Much like my husband's oldest brother called "to talk" with my husband before he did it and my husband was at the coast. No matter what you could have offered, she was destined to end her pain. Whether it be from her careless family lack of attitude or just knowing she could not pull out of her weakness. Doesn't matter, it is all too painful no matter what way we look at it. Reading your post makes me cry for my significant other. However I feel, I know he is in a beautiful place now and in no pain, much like your friend. He just doesn't understand the wake of grief he left behind, just like her.

I am so happy I found this site. Whenever I am down or even having a good day, I can come here and post away. Honey, don't wrack yourself with guilt. Whether you had contact or not that evening the inevitable would have still taken place. God, I just so wish I could take your pain away. Maybe I should be speaking for myself. God bless. We love you and are so glad you are here.

I kinda wish they'd make a rainbow bridge for our loved ones....................................

I am sorry that you lost a friend....you have so few people that you call friends....you will still feel her presense...I believe that.
take care of yourself.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I called her mom last night to see how she was holding up. It seems like she was doing quite well, I heard music playing and she had been drinking heavily. I wanted to know more about what happened and what she found when she went there. She was in bed, music was playing and the phone was in her lap along with her phone book. There was an empty bottle of Tequila on the nightstand. I asked her mom if she had spoken to her that night. She said they hadn't spoken in several days because K threated her with suicide. She told me that K was just trying to get attention and she's done this before. All I sad was that was your own daughter not some stranger. She then hung up on me.

I've read a lot about suicide and they don't want death, they just want the pain to stop. And K certainly had a lot of pain in her life including her own family. She told me over and over how she felt abandoned by her own family and of the horrible fights she had with her mom. I just don't get it. I checked my cell phone and she did call me at 10:35 but left no message, just a noise came through. They said she died somewhere around 10:45 so she was trying to reach me but I wasn't there for her. I don't know how I'm going to be able to face her mom today. I wonder if she'll even shed a tear.