[tamiloo]

I have wanted to do this for weeks…maybe even months. My most recent experience with being a SOS happened one year ago this past Sunday.

Well, I will start with something that at the time was wonderful. My son got married on 07/07/07…it was so beautiful. We had an out door wedding up Logan Canyon. He married a young woman named Katey and she had a two year old, Lilley. Lilley called me Grammy and the Olhipie Papa…and of course, she called my son Daddy.

My son and his new wife went on their honeymoon to spend time with my niece and her family. They were there for about two weeks and had the most wonderful time.

About four days after they got back my son and his new wife were talking on the phone to my niece who lives in Oregon. They had the call on speakerphone and she was upset because her husband wanted to go for a drive so they could talk. She went to the car to wait for him, he said he wanted to kill himself…he walked into the house, locked himself in their bedroom and put a gun to his head. She heard the gun shot and ran with phone in hand into the house and broke into the bedroom and he was gone.

My son and his wife were so traumatized from hearing the whole thing on their phone two states away in Utah. They live next door to us so they came right over to tell us what had happened…what do you do…what do you say…he did it with his children in the next room. It was a horrible thing.

We so often want to be angry with the person who kills himself or herself because we feel it was such a selfish act…but I wonder how alone, very alone he had to be to do this. How sad for all of us.

We did go out for the funeral and stayed for a few days. After we got home from the trip my son’s wife….Katey couldn’t bring herself back to being my son’s new wife. She was on the phone and text messaging my niece so she flew back to Oregon and has been there ever since. She is now partnered with my niece. My son and she are divorced after just a few weeks of marriage.

So sorry this is so long…hope you all had patience with me.

After a year my niece has finally gone back to work…I haven’t talked to her…the family is still very shocked by what Kate did to my son which is also tied with my niece. During the last year, I have had lots of good times and bad times I have had to face. Why does my heart have to hurt so much...

[who moi]

hi Tammi,

I am so glad that you can vent...I don't have any wise words except to say that you know that there are a lot of folks here that care about you...

I have to get going here to get back to work...but I just wanted to send you some hugs before I head outta door...

((((BIG HUGS))))

[who moi]

a gentle bump for tammi before I leave...

[Alffe]

Oh Tammy I'm so sorry. It isn't easy to talk about it and it's impossible to understand that kind of helplessness unless you've felt it.

Your son must feel terribly rejected...which is understandable. Who can we blame in this life for the unexpected, unasked for things that happen to us. We often blame ourselves.

You said your "most recent" experience with suicide?? You've had others?

I'm glad you feel that you can talk to us...anniversaries are the pitts!!

[Addy]

OH my gosh, Tammi... I am so, so sorry for all that your son, you and everyone have had to endure.

It sounds to me that the new wife was very frightened by it all and perhaps afraid that if she stuck around, it would happen to her, too... who knows what could have gone through her mind to leave the man she just married. How horribly sad for you all. My heart goes out to your son.

Gentle hugs for your heart.

[Alffe]

Still thinking about it Tammy...you have all lost so much including little Lilley. It's affected your whole family. I'm so sorry. I wonder what Kate thought she could accomplish by "being there". ~sigh

Some people are like moths around a flame with suicide.

[tamiloo]

Originally Posted by Alffe

Still thinking about it Tammy...you have all lost so much including little Lilley. It's affected your whole family. I'm so sorry. I wonder what Kate thought she could accomplish by "being there". ~sigh

Some people are like moths around a flame with suicide.

My son doesn't talk about it, he says what is done is done...we did loose a special little one...Lilley...

Oddly enough we became very close friends with Kate's parents before the wedding...we are still very close. At times they will hug us and say they are sorry for what Kate did...they also have lost so much...Kate lived with them since Lilley was born, Grandpa was her day care...

What do you say...

[Alffe]

I think you are handling it heroically...what's your second choice.

What do you say? There are no words...I could talk to you about forgivness but I'm not a hypocrite....I struggle daily with those issues.

Kate has to live with the consequences of her actions...she is the one who made that choice...you all get to live with the fallout. I'm sorry.

I have to ask...how are the children who were in the next room? Did they get any counseling? And I have to wonder how your son really feels...

[Curious]

tam, i wish i knew what to say.

y'all got no choice in any of this.

[tamiloo]

Originally Posted by Alffe

I think you are handling it heroically...what's your second choice.

What do you say? There are no words...I could talk to you about forgivness but I'm not a hypocrite....I struggle daily with those issues.

Kate has to live with the consequences of her actions...she is the one who made that choice...you all get to live with the fallout. I'm sorry.

I have to ask...how are the children who were in the next room? Did they get any counseling? And I have to wonder how your son really feels...

I wonder how the children are doing also...not counseling yet that I know of. I was told by a family member that they are doing amazingly well.

As for my son, he has been unusually quite lately...he always says he is ok...he does have a girl friend that worships the ground he walks on, which I don't know if Katey ever felt this way. I think she wanted to good life my son had to offer her.

He is one of those kind that say its over nothing we can do about it move on kinda persons. Don't know???