it is times like this when i am alone that i feel so weak. when the things that were said,yelled at me the night before run threw me and echo around .and i have bad thoughts and i am so afraid to share this but i fought so hard yesterday to not self injury. i feel so bad ...that i feel like i deserve it. that i deserve to burn myself or cut. but then i thought of how i will look today when i am applying for jobs and job hunting and how it will ruin my plan .so i fought and mannaged to not do anything. it is hard to keep going when it seems the clouds smother every step you take and ya feel so alone . I am a suvivor too a fighter.

Abbie you know somethings about me NO one else knows here that slipped out sorta and please do not think i am now what i was at one time long ago. . I have come sooo far from that!!! i dont want you to think i am that person. okay abbie???????????????????

PEACE
BMW

mallow haid...

keep your hands off the keyboard for a sec...

now, count to 20 very slowly...you can do it...

while you are counting, breath slowly and let each number follow the rhythm of your breathing...

try to focus on the following sentence and nothing else while you do that. Ready??

WE LOVE YOU

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OK

now...

it's OK to think SI thoughts, SIers have that just like Suicidal thoughts...it's a PART of us...

the trick is to try to NOT act on it...

forget about the world for a sec...focus on yourself, think about who you are...think about the supports you've been given. You are a GOOD person...

keep thinking that...let that thought transcends to the positives...

everytime a negative hurtful thought pops up, don't worry about it too much (I learned that yesterday, the more we fight it, the worse it gets, it is how we manage it when we think about it that counts. )

let that negative ride for a little bit and sit on your hands while you ride it out...

and as soon as it subsides and start to slow down, read something wonderful here that's written about you...and focus on that and BELIEVE...

you can do it, we all have faith in you...

(((BIG HUGS)))

Oh sweetie... I Love You more today than I did yesterday. You have strength that abounds. I understand where you are and know that you are so very far away from that person of old. You have grown oh so very much!!! I admire your strength and grace!!! I admire your love of people and life.

We all have our ups and downs. During our ups we are able to carry ourselves and lift others to heights far beyond what we could ever have dreamed. During our down times we reach out the best we can so that others can pull us up to our feet and lift us toward that moon.

I've learned that even if we don't reach the moon... oh the beauty of the stars we get to share with each other on the way up.

Please hang in there my dear sweet friend. Know that I am here for you and I would never judge you!!! I am but a PM or Email away if you ever need to talk.

BIG but gentle hugs.
Love ya,
Abbie

BMW...you are priceless, you are loved, you are special Please keep hanging on to that sliver and reach inside for the strength that is there and allow us to fan it. I know how hard it is to feel as though you are not worth dirt, but that is a LIE that we let others tell us and then we believe it and it is NOT TRUE I repeat, NOT TRUE! I am in my second marriage and I know what it is like to be emotionally pounded on by someone else, someone you love. I am also painfully aware of of the dangers. It took a second suicide attempt to finally move me into getting out of the first one. And I have been fighting in my second one. Just a few short months ago I came oh so too close to checking out of life. I had to make some tough decisions and make some drastic changes. Whatever you need to do I hope and pray that we can help. I know...its so very hard. luv you, hang on

((BMW)) I Love YOU !

Angel friend warrior of mine..... do not ever feel ashamed of thoughts you are having,
do not ever feel afraid to express them to us. We love you, you are safe here..
THIS is what friends are for.

Something’s I want to say to you are too personal to post here, so I just sent
you a PM.... Read it and know you are loved. As I wrote in your PM, if he
starts to badger you, knock you down..... take yourself out of the line of fire.
Go for a drive, a walk on the beach ..... and tell yourself over over,
Nikki loves me... We all love you! Look at these beautiful posts!
((Moi)) ((Abbie)) you made me cry Surround yourself with those who
care, let us help lift you up. I DO believe in you Angel friend.
Much Love~Nikki

nikki abbie moi and every other post here
has been so priceless in helping me get threw the last couple days. I feel okay right now but soon hub will be home and i just plan on watching the red socks game at 7 tonight and blocking everything else out. I will write you back nikki soon promise. and i have those earrings on right now. we are tied for the lead ALL OF you are being held so tight in my mind and soul right now. thank you for lending me some strength to make it threw the last days! my heart is touched !!!!!!!!
yappa friend.... those bubbles... alffe mom and doody sister your cd's so much help .doody sister for you
mistiis it is hard and it is just as hard to come here and post how i feel because i am usualy one who is lifting up others and it hurts to admit and share and hurts to not be able to know what to say or help others who need lifitng. Thankyou for reaching back for me...everyone of you . i so need this and need this place right now!

My sweet sis....
When those si thoughts come i've found ice to be a great distraction. You are NOT weak because you have those thoughts... those of us who USE to self injure are tempted to go back to what USE to work... I'm so proud of you for resisting the urge... i know first hand how difficult it is. honestly i've been there myself very recently...Hold tight to what you know is true.... and that is we love you very much....

(((BMW sis))) There will be a PM for you, but know this. None of us here think that you are a stupid, worthless soul. None of us. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Your husband is the culprit here, not you. I know it hurts that he is the one doing it, but it still is an ugly and abusive behavior. C-pap or not, his mind is definitely not in the right place.

And I'm so proud of you.

I just wanted to leave you a hug dear lady... Hang tough..that's what survivors do....