((Twink)) I am so glad the appointment went well I am sure he greatly appreciated you and your Dad mentioning his son and his loss. Some times when others say nothing it hurts too. I like his answer, I say that still. It does suck!! Sounds like you followed your heart and you did just fine

((pono)) I am glad to see you again

I want to reply to DMAC when he questioned embarrasement as a part of things. I can say for me it is more a huge overwhelming Fear of Judgement. That I have that stops me from talking about suicide or sharing or wanting help etc.
It is how other people might judge me, think of me ..find me weak or find me embarrasing , or think of me as ..what ever.
Being judged . I think for me it is more so because of going threw trail by jury and being followed video taped and . heck they even questioned the cashiers at stores I shopped. and went back into my "history to back in high school and . gosh I didnt realize how much anger I still have about all this.I dont think now is good time to share or try to say what I want . sorry. I just wanted to basicaly say it is fear of judgement .
PEACE
BMW

This room is probably the safest place to unload anything without fear of judgment. So, if it makes you feel better, go right ahead and do it.

BTW BMW, so happy to receive your phone call today. Sorry I couldn't talk, though.

I hope the weather isn't so hard on you and causing sxs.

David, it is great to see you posting...always love your outside of box thinkings...

twinks, glad it went better than you thought, I think a lot of times, things might be better than we expect them to be...

yes, sometimes they can be worse than we think they would be, but you know, unless we try, how would we know?

There are so many different levels to all this...

the comfort of each different person...if person A only takes one week to get ready and person B takes 3 years to get ready, how do we know?

I want to use my own youngest brother as an example here..

I love him dearly, but he's a hard nut to crack...

If I try to comfort him, he'll say, "look, I am NOT like that, OK? I am not huggy or wanting to hear good things..."

So, I shut up...

but then, he gets depressed then he comes to talk to me, he would say, "nobody cares about me...nobody..."

he's shared his suicidal thoughts with me...and I just try to be bloody honest with him sometimes...

then I would get "you know, you don't have to be right all the time, ya know?"

and I wasn't even trying to be RIGHT about anything...



I guess what I am trying to say is this....

I've met many people that would say:

"look, I am just not comfortable.."
"look, I am not a huggy type..."
"look, I am just not the type that needs to have someone say anything..."

but you know what I'd find out later? That no matter how TOUGH or HARD they are...

sometimes later, even if they get mad or angry with me for trying to start a dialogue...sooner or later, they always acknowledge that they were glad someone DID open it for them...

sure, the door may not be opened at that moment...but you know what?

SOMEBODY has to do it...

with this said, I am not saying it has to be any of us to open the door...

the truth is, in different times in different person's lives, we are all touched or "angered" by someone who gets bloody honest with us...

and I think that sooner or later, when we'd had time to reflect, it would always have some sort of positive note on it...

why do I think that...

let me throw this question out there.

If someone lives to be 100 years old...and they said:

"Look, don't hug me, don't touch me, don't tell me I am good looking or that I need you or whatever...just leave me alone."

Do you think that although that may seem to be their nature, that they would be happy in that 100 years in their lives?

And for those of us that are the reaching out ones...

when we run into someone like that, and then pass away, how often do we feel the regret that we should've said this or done that no matter what...

this is just my view, it doesn't apply to everybody and every case..

but for me, if I get to live as long as my father did, then I have less than 20 years left in this world...

I am done regretting of NOT doing and wondering...for me, it is time for me to reach out...and I can't expect everyone will take my reaching out kindly or nicely...but I'll never know...will I??

For everything, there will always be three opinions or more (like politics)

and for Suicide, as David said, many faces, many emotions...
but there is only one ending...death...

*sigh...

you all are so brave, so awesome...

I am proud to walk beside you all...

((((BIG HUGS))))

bumping up...

I am reading The Shack ....... I know already it will become one of my staples in this life. So many emotions roll through me at once. So powerful. Painful even. I can't even count the times I have cried..sobbed.. but it isn't a sad cry... it comes from knowing the power of God, and His healing touch. Alffe you are right, I have lived it. Thank you for mentioning the book, it is reminding me that I am not alone in my perfect storm.

It took me "forever" to read that book the first time because I kept putting it down and thinking about it. I've read it 3 times now and still sob everytime. (((Nikki)))

I picked up a copy of The Shack a while back... read half way through on the first day and haven't been able to pick it back up since.

I've had plenty of time but each time I try I hear in my heart... "it's not time, close the book and put it back on the shelf."

I wish I could read it...but it truly is not in me right now... wish I could explain what I mean here...but I can't.



Abbie

((Abbie)) So good to see you You don't need to explain yourself hun... when the time is right you will be able to. I have had it for months..... since Alffe first mentioned it.

I was in a low spot last night. The perfect storm's waves were trying to take me under. For some reason I reached for the book instead. I had NO idea what it was about!! I too had to put the book down many times to think, dry my tears and sputter a few well damns! I got through chapter 8....... my thoughts not where they were when I picked that book up.

I was a child again, I was in my blackouts - when things were too horrible- and by the Grace of God you are given the gift of black outs .... I know what happened to me during those black outs, I never try to explain it, I don't need to.

I have to say, today.... I am in a better place than I have been in a long long time. Strange it took my perfect storm to make me see things as clearly as I did when I was a child. My Daddy always said, God is closest to the broken hearted... the problem is, the broken hearted are in too much pain to see Him or allow Him in. I think he was right!

Thinking of you Abbie, I truly am

(((Abbie))) Thanks for the input and you'll know when you're ready. It wasn't at all what I expected it to be...but things are seldom what I expect them to be. btw...it looks like the snow is going south for a change....we are only expecting 2 inches but look out Indy!