dear Nikkey..my dear grandmother was given the same diagnosis two years
ago. My father had a rough time with this as did we. just wanted to
offer you hugs and prayers from someone who gets this.........

There is so much I want to say to you Nikki...I remember raging at God..I remember sharing that with Pastor Dan and he telling me that it only proved that I was human...that he, on learning of his fathers cancer..went outside and shook his fists at the heavens. HE knows....it's ok to feel whatever you are feeling.

I took great comfort in reading The Shack...when HE talked about being right there with that child......don't want to give too much away.

And I'm reminded again of Frederick Buechners words, "The world floods in on all of us. The world can be kind, and it can be cruel. It can be beautiful, and it can be appalling. It can give us good reason to hope and good reason to give up all hope. It can strengthen our faith in a loving God, and it can decimate our faith. In our lives in the world, the temptation is always to go where the world takes us, to drift with what current happens to be running the strongest."

Right now I fear that your current is at flood stage. Take deep breaths and try to feel our love.

I DO feel all of you surrounding me..... I can't cry for Mom.. but I have to say Tina your post about did me in... and Alffe..... I know that you know... and ahh hell.. I will be back later. I love you!

You always have told me that I have a big heart
and if that is the case well I wish to break my heart in pieces and give you the big parts so you and family will have the biggest strongest hearts that can ever beat! but that just isnt in the realm of things and if you can not cry tis because your strength, your will and desire to always be the strong one..wont let you cry . but I know YOU WILL and I am right here next to you .
Love you back!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Xp7M0_hdUE
PEACE
BMW

Dearest Nikki....I lost a 17 year marriage, and father to lung cancer, and a dear friend to breast cancer within less than a year of each other. I know it is not exactly the same, but the loss was indescribable. I was also in a lot of physical pain. To this day I can't really tell you how I came through it, but this song is one that I listened to often during the time right before my father passed away. I hope it will bring you some hope and comfort too:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2ExFtojY4Y0

The bridge Nikki....

Dear Nikki, I too know how it feels!

I was so angry at Our Lord for so long that it's only been lately that I've allowed Him back into my life.

I was married to an abusive husband who beat me so badly that he killed 4 of my babies inside me.

I could never understand how He allowed that to happen.

My mother passed away from uterine cancer when I was 27. My father followed 5 years later from bowel cancer. I lost my best friend to lung cancer about 7 years ago, and here's me .... not only do I have MS, but I've been struggling against cancer myself!

They took out half my bowel because of cancer 15 months ago, and then last January my nose was removed, and the surgeon built me a new one. Cancer again!

There have been so many times when I've wondered ... why me?

I doubt that there's anyone out there who cannot understand why I questioned Him? I understand what you're going through Nikki. Others will as well.

I wrote this because I wanted you to know that I understand how you feel, and to let you know that I'm always here for you... no matter what.

Dear Nikki. At times like this it is difficult to know what to say.

Let me say that a lot of things that happen are not God's will. We live in a broken world where it "rains on the just as well as the unjust." Because we live in a broken world, we all suffer in this life and won't be freed from it until we get to heaven. While God allows things to happen He doesn't cause all of them.

It's okay to be angry at God but it's not okay to stay angry because that only hurts you. God knows how you feel and the best thing to do is to tell Him exactly how you do feel. Go to a safe place alone in your car. Turn your radio up loud, wind up your windows and verbalize all those angry feelings to God in all their intensity. It can help to do this say for 30 days ... for 30 minutes the first day, 29 minutes the second day, 28 minutes the third day and so on. I’ve done this many times Nikki and as strange as it sounds it does help. When my mom passed away I told God, that’s it, I’m tired of all the pain you’ve put me through. But the following Sunday I was back in church begging for His forgiveness because He loves me.

If you don't feel free to verbalize your feelings, write them out in a letter to God. Then read the letter back to Him day after day until your anger has dissipated. Then you can either tear the letter up or burn it as a way of giving up your anger.

Grief needs to be sobbed out ... sobbed out from the depths of your being ... from your very gut. Tears are not for resolving anger. They are God's gift to drain the pain of grief.

I am on right now because I just got a call that Mom's breathing is even more labored. I find I am scared, and while awaiting phone calls as to what we are suppose to do... I feel a frantic feeling building in me, I tried sitting on my hands ((moi)) it isn't working....... so I thought I would come here and type and type ... instead of drive and drive................ACCCCCCKKKK!

I hear what all of you are saying. I know life deals us blows. ((Koala)) I feel we are kindred spirits, we have talked about the loses of our babies ....... I am not really feeling sorry for myself..... I always know somewhere our there someone has it worse.

I don't worry about my own health issues, the pain I live in daily with my disabilities, or even the ovarian cancer I am being treated for. I can handle my own issues... what I can't stand is not being able to a damn thing to help my Mom. I hate there is nothing I can do!!! I hate that I can't be there right this very instance.................

I know I am just all over the place but I am just typing and typing............. ((BJ)) thank you. I have been angry at God before, I am sure I will be again.... in time I always find my way back. Right now I would be lying to pretend I am anything but ******. I think He expects me to be mad

Phone... bb

Dear Nik-key....

I've been busy in my own world while you have been suffering ... I am so sorry to finally read this and see what you have been going through... so much sadness ....

and all I can add is a hug....

I lost my mother to cancer two years ago.

I also know what you mean about emotional numbness. I have it now. I don't know how to explain this. I cannot get excited with joy,and I feel sorrowful,if I'm not angry. I don't want to talk about me. I know what you mean though.

After Adam,and Eve ate from the fruit of the tree,thats when earth was no longer a paradise. I remind myself this.

I love you,and I'm so sorry for what your going through. Steve